I'm currently in a long term marriage. I'm discovering an attraction to men. I remember first being attracted to a guy at around age 10. Around that time I had a few experiances with a cousin. Oral only. Years n years went by occasionally I would be attracted to men here and there. I never acted on it. Once a few yrs prior to getting married I met a guy online and we jerked off on the phone together. I'm scared for a few reasons. One I'm older, in my late 30's. Also I have a phyiscal disibility (MS). I'm affaid men won't want to date me, or I will get beat up. I have some big desires to be with men although I am very much attracted to women as well. My marriage is ending we are currently seperated. That portion is not an issue. I do find I love women more as companions. I never really noticed I never went out of my way to date much when I was single. If I did I found I enjoyed the chase once that was over I quickly lost interest or became annoyed. (hope u don't think I'm rude.) I'm really confused. I also find I enjoy watching MM porn much more than FF.....Is that weird?
Welcome to EC! I have zero experience dating, not even a casual high school date. But my impression for what it's worth: while age and MS could be issues, I think there would be men out there who wouldn't care. A lot would depend on where you meet potential dates. Hint: the decent guys are generally not to be found in gay bars, or on web sites specializing in hookups. They are to be found in real world social settings where there are a lot of gay or bi men. Say, a LGBT book discussion group. Or a LGBT Masters Swimming group. Etc.
No, I don't think you are weird at all. And coming to terms with your sexuality later in life is hardly uncommon among gay and bi men. We were conditioned growing up that not being straight was a defect, a sin, or just plain disgusting. Whatever the message was that you received has affected the relationships you tried to have with women. As for dating, I'd give you the same advice I would follow myself, and would give my kids. Meet in a public place to see if you feel safe with the guy. Having MS doesn't mean you can't date, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't find a wonderful man to share your life with. Honestly, if the guy you meet has a problem with you having MS it says a lot about his character, nothing to do with your worthiness for being loved.
I thank you guys for your wonderful response and would like to hear more. I have always found gay men to be very nice, sensitive and understand. I have read many stories here and see some things in common with many. I had an alcoholic father n step father. I have some deep sexual issues currently with my wife. I was sexually abused as a child, n I always thought that was the reason why. I don't know if anyone else has gone through this but I find women sexy. I have sexual feelings toward them but when it comes down to actually getting down n dirty it is very unsatisfying. I enjoy oral very very much but sex with a woman is different. I really find myself unable to stay mentally in the moment. Anyone every experiance this??? Very confused. I also feel like I shouldn't be figuring this out now in my late 30's. I do see several people on here are older and that is comforting. OMG thank u guys for being so cool with me. I'm very scared.......I love my wife I dont wanna hurt her.
I bet everyone who is "Later in Life" has probably thought I should have figured this out years ago! more than once. :lol: I also think almost everyone who has joined has had at least some fear. That will quite likely go away in time.
Hi Welcome to EC Im Jake I also bisexual and married I have feelings for my wife and love her but also like men too
There's a huge range of emotions where sex and relationships are concerned. I was always very much turned on by guys but thanks to assorted pressures (from family, society and really, let's be honest, myself), I ended up getting married. For the first several years, until the emotional buzz wore off and reality set in, I had absolutely no problem with straight sex and frankly enjoyed it enough to think that perhaps I wasn't gay at all. But in the end, as you say, it was unsatisfying and I couldn't stay in the moment for long (or initiate a "moment" either). There were some women that I considered attractive as well, but eventually I realized that what I was feeling was appreciation, perhaps, or admiration, but definitely not any kind of a sexual attraction, and outside of my wife, I never had the remotest chemistry with any one of them. Have you talked to a therapist at all about your childhood sexual abuse? If not, that might be a good place to start. That kind of incident can do all sorts of weird and confusing things to how you think and feel. And GayDad is right, if anyone has a problem with you having a disability, there are probably other things about their character that you don't want to have to deal with either. There are better people than that.
Hi there and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place, and as you have seen there are many of us who figured this out later in life. I was married for 9 years to a wonderful woman who deserved better than me - But we both feel and accept that we were brought together for a reason. Growing up I had attractions to women - I didn't have attractions to men - at least none that I consciously was willing to acknowledge. But eventually my physical attraction to men lead me to cheat, which I regret. Life is full of challenges. I clearly wasn't coping, because I developed an addiction early on. In terms of meeting someone now - it certainly is possible. I met someone, and fell in love. We've been together now for over 6 years.
I understand you being scared, I am slightly (erm now 44) and only now going through the struggle of coming to terms with being gay. I have been happily married for 22 years and I love my wife - the sex was good at the beginning but over time, my interest and initiation dwindled - a common story on here. And now, well a few years on I am gay, comfortable with myself, but got some stuff to work through before coming out to my wife. Deep down you will know what is right for you ... Dig deep and the answer is there ... Don't fight it, embrace it and keeps talking on here ... It helps! :icon_bigg
Wow u guys are amazing! I have been married 11 yrs. I don't want to hurt my wife, nor cheat. Although the thought of being with a man on soooo many different levels is a complete turn on. I'm just now allowing myself to really "feel" my attraction to men. Today I watch a bi-sexual porn and OMG was it exactly what I needed. I am very experienced with porn but not like that. I liked that a lot. Doglover I bet you would be a good person to sit n talk to about all this. In fact all of u really. I remember when we got married. I was sooooooo scared. I knew she was a really good women. In fact on so many levels to good. I had this strong strong feeling that for an unknown reason maybe I shouldn't be going through with it. I did, and on so many levels I am glad. I never really felt the proper sexual connection I thought I should. With her or any women really. I always did during the hunt. I believe I thought it would quench my sexual thirst it never did. Instead of becoming a man whore as I think most do, I just stayed alone. I was alone for several yrs prior to my marriage. I was young single with money. I had a nice place of my own, a good job, and 2 very nice cars. I also had no interest in going out, and getting laid. Does that make sense? I would rather watch sports or hang out with my boys. All of which have gone away during my long term marriage. I have spoken to a therapist about my sexual abuse but until recently I didn't think it was sexual abuse. I wasn't touched, I was forced to watch
