I don't know what I am doing. I am freaking out already because when I first tried to post a message my phone freaked out and the message went away...I don't know where. Now I am irrationally thinking that it could have been sent out to my phone contacts. This is how I think. I can't even believe I made a profile. What am afraid of? Am I looking for anonymous acceptance? Probably. Maybe I just want to say that I am gay (well lesbian but gay is shorter to type). I am 37. I have never been in a relationship with a man or a woman. I've never been touched by either. I am afraid that I won't ever be in a relationship. EVER. I am scared to death that when I finally get the courage to come out that I'll be too old to participate in any kind of scene. I'm afraid that I'll never get the courage to come out. Basically I'm just afraid. I don't know what I am looking for. Sometimes it feels like I'm just surviving. Not living a life. Just breathing. Making money. Buying things. Sleep. I don't know if lying about everything I am is the reason. I want to know that I am not a freak. I want to not be scared. And I sure as he'll hope that I didn't send out that message to my contacts!
Hi Atlas, welcome to EC! I understand the feeling of being scared and also feeling like your just surviving. Wake up, eat, work, and back to sleep again. I'm a pretty shy person, but I sometimes wonder if some of that shyness is because of me hiding parts of myself from others. I'm working on trying to open up, but for me it's been difficult. I came here to EC to try and do just that. Everyone here is super nice! I hope that talking to us here may help you gather the courage to feel more comfortable with yourself. Or maybe talking to a counselor might help too if you want an un-bias person to talk to in face to face?
atlas76... based on what you write your situation is very similar to mine. I'm also 37 and have never seriously dated either gender. I've been too confused about my attractions to really act on them. What I would recommend is to start thinking about who it is you love, who makes you feel good, who stays on your mind. Also take an inventory of of what or who gets you aroused. Try to imagine how you could build a dating life around that. Don't worry about the "scene." When you decide if you want to date you'll also need to be able to meet people on your own terms wherever you feel comfortable.
Idk I just look at it like "who do i love?" I dont think I should have to say "no" to myself if I love a woman.
Hi atlas76 and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. Make yourself comfortable here, because you're in good company. As my signature says, it's never too late to be what you might have been. Whether you're 37, 17, or 67 - you owe it to yourself to figure out what you really want and how you want to live your life. And if you did happen to send that message out to your contact list (which I'm sure you didn't), you'll soon know who your real friends are, and how little this would matter to them.
Hi and welcome :smilewave There are so many stories on here that is similar to yours and that includes mine in a way. I am 41 and just finding my real self. We are here for you so please feel safe to post. xx
The first time I referred to my kids in a post here I did not even specify what sex they were because I was so afraid someone might identify me by little clues just like that. Seems silly now looking back. I think most of us are scared at first. in time you will feel more comfortable coming here. I read and post everyday now. I hope you keep posting, I was able to be honest about being bisexual and in a relationship with a woman to my kids just last week. I don't think I could have without the support of this community. I hope you post more soon.
Don't worry about losing the message . I'm sure it's not broadcast to your friends !! Are you out to anyone ? Just one would make a world of difference The other thing is to meet other gay people of your own age group in a social shared activity. Either in a gay retreat or a LGBT society or organisation. You'll be amazed how many people there are like you just waiting to be a friend. Like us on EC ... Welcome to EC!!
