So, I'm finally (age 51) coming to terms with something I've stuck on the back burner for at least 20 years which is that I am trans/genderqueer. At the same time that I am working out who I really am, I'm starting to think about how I'll talk about all of this with my family. Thankfully, I don't have a spouse or partner who would be affected by whatever decisions and changes I make, but I am concerned about both my parents, who are in their mid-70s, and my 16-year-old daughter. I'm most worried about my Mom. Anybody have experience or wisdom you can share about coming out to older parents?
When I came out a few years ago, I decided that my 70+ year-old father would be the first person I told. My rationale: "I don't want to live/hide in the closet anymore, so I'd better face the most challenging conversation first. Otherwise, I'm not really changing anything." It took me 24 hours to work up the courage to call and tell him (he lives in another state). I stammered and stuttered and explained that I had something difficult to say, that I'd been very unhappy for a long time, and that... "Dad, I'm gay." There was a long moment of silence, then, "Well, what the hell are you still doing in the closet? Go out and enjoy your life!" The relief I felt in that moment is indescribable. I'm not going to say everything is perfect, or that we all now live happily ever after, but I no longer have to hide who I am. In retrospect, coming out was far better than the self-imposed pain, fear, and what-if's that I hid behind for too long. Best wishes.
Now I know everybody's different but I have heard stories of people who's parents were against them being LBGT but who's grandparents actually supported/accepted them after they had a heart to heart with the grandparents and explained everything clearly. It kind off fits with elderly people being less worried about how other people think about them and being more carefree with age. Yet there are also those that are set in their ways and perceptions from when they were young. So it's a wild guess really.
Interestingly, during a conversation about a radio story she had heard earlier today, Mum talked about "you know, like some people who have known since they were kids that they were gay, or transgender" -- in a way that sounded a lot more accepting than I would have expected. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit for openness. At any rate, at least I know I won't have to explain the word "transgender" to her, when the time comes.
I think it sounds like she's pretty open. I often think parents know more often than not, so she may even suspect already? In any case, you are a strong person and will be even stronger after this. Think of the freedom you'll feel.
By 70s most people are too wise to havd a bad reaction. They have been round the block and have worked out what is important .. Which is you're only here once and you deserve to be happy whatever that involves. And they say parents always know anyway ..
