Have been trying to open up to my children's father for a longtime about how I've been feeling the words don't come out how I want them to and instead we start arguing.We have communication problems big time which is one of big reasons I feel I can't connect with him and the fact I'm leaning towards women more so then ever.Whenever I try talking to him calmly he rolls his eyes and says here we go again like my feelings are invalid makes me feel really small in he argument he walks away calling me a fruit loop infront of our two little ones mind you I was not even yelling at this point I kept my cool,More words were exchanged but I was doing my best to take it away from the kids whee he was delibrety trying to say hurtful things infront of them.Im beginning to see him for who he really is and it's sickening,He told me his going to take the kids from me and this was not when I told him that I think I maybe gay I told him I love him as a person but not sure of inlove he said he doesn't but I don't know.He goes on telling me he has proof of why he can take them away and I don't understand I'm a good mum I always put them first I don't drink smoke or do drugs I don't go out only exercise couple times a week so I don't know to why his sayng this.I do get snappy at the kids when they misbehave but I'm not abusive.Anyways he said his going to take them and I'll have to waste $15,000 in trying to get them back and there's nothing I can do.I said to him why do that when I'm willing to do share care? He said nope it's not going to be easy and that the kids will be having two different parenting styles I asked like what and he says we'll you know that crap you go on about which is I talk about equal rights and gay marriage when topic comes up I voice that there's nothing wrong with it he doesn't he thinks should be man and woman only he goes on saying that he will be saying whatever he likes to them and I can't do a damn thing.He then says they'll be so confused by this point I just want to cry and I ask why why would you do that to them he looks at me and smirks and says because I can.So I told him what the hell do you want from me I said are we meant to continue like this he says the reason he hasn't left is to save the hassle of all this happening we rarely have sex cause I don't feel desire too I'm questioning a lot over pas few years.He goes on saying he will live with us but sleep in our 7 yr olds bed and she can sleep with me I said so we won't be together we can be free to see whoever we like(I know I shouldn't of said that) but I wanted to know where we sand are we a couple or what?? he looks at me and gets up and yells out right infront of our kids YOU just want to fuck someone else... He then goes on saying that he will be saying whatever he likes to our kids or infront of them he was packing his shit up and I was panicking thinking about our kids it's our eldest ones birthday in a week and we had a similar fight a couple months ago a day before our 2nd child's birthday.He yells at me saying you always want to wai till after there birthdays .I just don't think it's fair on there birthdays to have this shit happen.my god by that point I was clearly confused he doesn't want to leave but doesn't want to stay but stays because he doesn't want to put the kids through our emotional bullshit.I don't know what to do or where I stand I love him but I don't know why he is so nasty I think I'm just attahched.I know this isn't the life I want for me or our kids but seems like whateve road I take is going to be hell. I feel like I need to fake being with him to save our kids from his fucked up mind games.how the hell do I handle this?? I've suggested counselling he says no then says that won't work because I'm the one that needs to change I need to put him first before my own needs,I'm seeing a counsellor for myself in a couple weeks.I don't know if I should just force myself to be inlove with him I know I care and love him as a person but I don't know if I love him more then that.Seeing this side to him where he holds onto anything I say then throws it at me during an argument it's like his taking notes down in his mind I feel I can't be pure around him because whatever I say is being used against me.
Oh how I wish I didn't relate to this thread. I know exactly what you are going through. I can I hope offer you some advice though. My husband said he was going to take me to the cleaners and take full custody of the children. He threatened to out me to the world and use my depression as a way to win custody. I went to a solicitor. She told me worse case he would get 50/50 custody and no more. He would be laughed out of court if he tried to use depression or sexuality against me. Your husband is using emotional blackmail against you just as mine has. Please seek advice for yourself it is well worth a consultation with a solicitor to put your mind at rest. Once I saw a solicitor I think my husband realised I was then clued up and knew his threats were just lies. He has taken a different approach now. I'm not saying its easy because it's not but don't let him bully you into a life of pain. Your children need happy parents and it will of course be hard for them but not as hard as living with parents who don't love each other. My childhood was with parents that rowed, I spent most of my time in my room wishing I could get out. It's no good. The children are your focus give then the best you can and you can only do that if you are happy, you deserve to be happy. My children are 9 and 6 and they were shocked when we told them. They were very upset. That was a few weeks a go. They have already shown positive signs of coming to terms with it. I am a wreck I have to admit but I can't stay with my husband after he has threatened me. Originally we were going for a trial separation but after his behaviour I realised how controlling he is and I can't live like that anymore. I hope you find some comfort in the knowledge that he can't take your children. You are not an unfit mother. Everyone gets cross now and again you are human. You look after them, you love them, you aren't a risk to them you are their mother. A court is only interested in the children not you or your husband. As long as you are both good parents it is in their interest to see as much as possible both parents so shared custody would be a very reasonable outcome. If your husband wants more he will be wasting his money and time and it will end in both disappointment and any chance of an amicable separation by which both of you can spend time with the children together. Good luck and message me if you want to talk. (*hug*) xxx
It won't let me private msg you so I'll have to put it here Thankyou so much pen pal it's really scary I love him but how do I know if Inove with him anymore?? I'm worried if I go to a solicitor that means it's all final I'm scared cause I'm still questioning myself I don't want to make a mistake I may regret especially if I still feel something.He said his going to quit his job he goes on about money saying if he quits he will only have to pay the bare minimal because it goes by income but I don't care about that I already pay for their things while he pays the other bills.He has a medical condition which causes him discomfort but now he uses it more as an excuse I know his blackmailing me he continues on saying I will have to go to work so he will look after them I said that's fine then he said if he really wants to pay nothing to support his kids he will just get a woman and have a kid to her,what the hell who says that? But like your husband he also uses the past against me I to had depression when we were dating which was over 9 years ago.I have a weak support system around me which he knows he uses my family against me says that everyone hates me says his family hate me I know his trying to break me I'm much stronger then I use to be,He was attacking me with words I leaned in and said stop I moved his face away from me as he was being aggressive he told me if I touch him he will charge me with assault then went on saying he will knock me out if I touch him again.How do I know this is all real I don't want to lose my family from uncertainty of questioning my sexuality I started the convo with him but this was not my intention to be like this I was hoping on a mutal trial separation but he said no if we break up we break up.We broke up over a year ago for a week but he convinced me I need him finically sucker me.I just want him to see it all in a mature way I know that'll make it easier for me and kids but damn he is going to bring me down.He told me he has been looking into all this his rights and entitlements I know that should be enough to convince myself that he is just sitting duck and armouring himself with ammunition to attack me with when I finally do walk.How did you know for sure you are bi or gay? Without being with same sex? I did tell mine I was bi at 17 but he just dismiss it so I just lived this life and now I feel I'm waking up and can't get back to being some straight house wife.
Has he been abusive? Think about how he's been treating you. If you can answer a solid "yes" that puts some advantage in your hands. I hope you can attain the life you truly want without him soiling your dreams and goals. As a husband, he needs to be a bit more supportive.
His not abusive but when I try talkin get to him it's gets out of hand and becomes emotionally abusive.He withdraws a lot the only closeness we have is when I have sex with him that's it but I want a different connection an emotional on end I'm not sure he can give that to me.He doesn't deal well with talking or opening up at all it's like where friends and enemies at same time.Where just parents to our kids with me giving him what he wants sex and that's it.
