As I search for various LGBT groups to provide real world contact and community, I've started wondering one question. When does one admit that this "world" is a new one, and that, indeed, I only came out to myself about a year ago? I can make an argument for doing it ASAP just so that I'm being fully honest. But I can also make an argument for just waiting until the time "feels" right. (One can also argue that by waiting at least a while it'll help prevent problems with other members of the group who'd view me as "fresh meat!" While one hopes to avoid such people, they are, I'm sure, out there.) Although at the rate I'm going, I'll probably be out of the closet, totally, for decades before I find anything. :tears: As I've said before: almost zilch here for the 40 year old fossil.
I hear what you're saying BMC...finding real world groups is kind of difficult. :bang: There aren't many things around here for those of us that are, to the younger set, 'beyond our freshness date'. I am quite fortunate that I've got some really good friends the I can spend time with and have met some wonderful people through them. And, don't say you're a fossil! We are about the same age. I feel like I'm just entering the prime of my life...sometimes. :icon_bigg I think of us as a nice, wine just coming into that perfect stage.
Yes, I'm probably not a fossil... Actually my age is a bad "in between." I'm too old for many groups, and too young for others. Hmm...I wonder if buying fake ID to get admission to 50-plus LGBT groups is as illegal as it is for teenagers buying it to get alcohol. :lol:
That's a good one! I never really think much about my age...until my body informs me that I'm no longer 18...or some teen ager in a store or restaurant asks me if I'm eligible for the senior discount. I think I'll start saying YES. :roflmao:
If you are comfortable with yourself and your story, I don't think it matters when you share that story with people you meet in LGBT groups. There's nothing to be ashamed of about coming out in your 40s (of any age) and you don't want to hang out with folks who think otherwise. That's my take. I went to a lambda legal event last summer and was so nervous as it was my first LGBT group event in 20 years. One woman asked if I was an "ally" because I don't look like a stereoty ---------- Post added 14th Apr 2014 at 10:10 PM ---------- typical lesbian, perhaps, or maybe because I didn't seem comfortable. But I just said no, and didn't go into the fact that I was newly out. But with actual friends, I have been honest about the timing.
I'm with Hope...there is no wrong time to seek LGBT community, and people in LGBT communities that are worth joining will be supportive of your situation...not much different than here, really. Fresh meat? You're not a fossil (damn it you're 4 years younger than I am, so don't you *dare* use that kind of language!!), but I'm willing to bet you're not a teenager or college freshman either, sir. I strongly suspect that you are capable of not letting people take advantage of you, and that you're mature and in-control enough to tell persistent unwanted suitors to fuck off. Welcome to the world of being attractive to men!
BMC77, I think we're both on the same page. I get so sick of hearing "Why don't you join a club?" What club is this? I've scoured meetup, amid other sources. There really aren't clubs. I signed up for something in a couple of weeks, but I have profoundly low expectations. The only consistent group I know if is FrontRunners. One of my friends has used it as a way to grow his social network, but he hasn't been terribly successful. I've always dreamed of an LGBT group that shares something in common with me: other healthcare providers, others who like planes, or perhaps just people in the neighborhood. But that doesn't seem to happen. The optimist would say, "start a group yourself!" I got home from work at 7:30, and I really didn't even have time to eat, better yet go for a run, nor start planning a special social group.
I've been up front from the beginning with the LGBT people I've met that I am recently out. I haven't had any negative reaction...mostly amazement that anyone could go that long denying their sexuality and curiosity about my situation. Everyone has been kind, understanding and supportive.
Thanks everyone! I think I feel a little more confident about being honest with my newly-out-to-me situation. ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2014 at 07:59 AM ---------- I can imagine there would be that amazement. Indeed, I am frankly amazed that I denied reality so many years. How could I have denied what was so incredibly obvious?!? ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2014 at 08:08 AM ---------- Yes, BlueSky224, I think we are on the same page here...
I would be interested to hear the name of this group, is it primetimersww or another group. I just joined another Australian group, and its surprising how badly they advertise themselves maybe its an age thing with this group. Both these groups cater towards guys that are older. One way to look at it is to join a group that has some members then they know other people and it spreads from there. Interesting here in Western Australia a guy has joined a group and I think he was in his 70s and has only just come out. So its a matter of joining a group if it doesn't work then keep looking but these new contacts will have some other ideas. I get the impression that not everyone is 100% comfortable with being gay part so most are fairly reserved, but on a 1 to 1 basis they will provide some insights. Make time to go to a meeting I am sure you will enjoy it, if you don't at least you then know its not for you and you can keep searching.
I'd recommend checking out LGBT groups as soon as you feel ready to interact with other LGBT people. One of the mistakes I made in life was waiting too long to get out there and start making friends.
Truth be told...I am in sort of the same position of "waited too long." I probably should have been doing something a year ago. I do remember doing the searches then...and turning up near zilch. I'll just keep looking for something, I told myself. But...the offerings really aren't any better now than they were then. I'm now at a point of having realized that what I have to choose from is horribly flawed, but at least it's real world. Perhaps I'll meet someone who has leads on other groups that Google isn't turning up. One can dream, at least. ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2014 at 03:18 PM ---------- In my case, no. I won't mention any names because I don't want to run the risk of breaking the EC no contact on public forums rule. But I have 3 groups I'm considering. In general: GSA at a church, although it may be inactive. Local informal social group which is apparently 99% lesbian. Men's group that meets in a nearby city. It has various activities, but there is a strong undercurrent of HIV awareness. That is what gets me: I know HIV is an important issue. But there is something I don't like about slapping a veneer of sociability on the "Always Wear A Condom Unit" from high school health class. (We won't even get into the fact that HIV is not an issue for me. I am in about the lowest possible risk group at the moment--people who never have sex--and it's not totally unlikely that I'll stay in that group for the duration.) Plus the demographic appears to be heavily younger men, although one undisclosed source says that they do have men my age stagger in.
