I don't think coming out will make anything better

Maybe not but by the sounds of it things can't get much worse. Delibretly putting on weight so people wont fancy you doesn't sound like much fun and is also very unhealthy.

What would happen if you did meet someone you liked and you just felt fat and misrable then you wouldn't be able to approach them because you would't have the confidence.

Look after yourself try to accept you are gay anmd try to be positive about the future.

 

Rather than looking at coming out as an "event" why not just start taking steps in that direction? You've said you gained weight to keep people away... why not start by getting in shape. If you're afraid of a relationship, why not just be open to one and see what happens?

You may never meet anyone, then again you may and it will likely get you to rethink your position. I think it may be a process rather than a thing you have to do... like theres a line "out" and "not out"

Leave things fuzzy if it makes you more comfortable. People may even already know on some level

 

I'm guessing you have taking things as they come and now you feel cemented in to an 'act' with your family, friends and work colleagues? Years pass by and now you are realising that the tricks aren't working any more? Antidepressants are the biggest clue !!!

Your weight is probably to do with comfort eating. Depression also takes away energy and the will to take exercise. Some antidepressants also increase appetite.

A way out may include working together with a therapist over all these issues. They all seem interrelated. Use a therapist as a sort of 'life coach' to motivate you towards your goals. But in manageable logical steps.

This will give you optimism for the future rather than living day to day and not seeing a happy life ahead.

Your belief "I don't think coming out will make anything better" sounds like a de-motivating phrase that is symptomatic of your fear of coming out. Whereas coming out can be gradual and planned and not a fearful process at all if it is managed at a comfortable pace. It doesn't have to be an earthquake that turns your life upside down.

Let us know how you get on? (*hug*)

 

I know exactly what you are going through. I too grew up in a very small town in the Midwest were everyone knows everyone else's business. I also know how brutal the rumor mill is. I also know how mean and vindictive people in a small town can be if you seem to be a 'threat' to their 'way of life.'

First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself. The body you have is the only one you are going to have in your life. If it is unhealthy, and it is not getting the nutrients that it needs, it will effect your quality of life as you get older.

I did a similar thing that you did in my 20's. I starting getting some warning signs that my body was not working right...like aches and pains, gall bladder issues,...etc. So I made a decision to want to feel good about myself. I changed my whole view on food. I try to eat healthy food and stay away from refined sugars. I also used wii fit because I do not have the money to join a gym. I was able to lose about 50 pounds over a year of really hard work.

Also keep in contact with people on here. We are a great support community for closeted people who live in a small town where there is no local support network at all. For me, the nearest organization that could help me is over an hour away. So I need Empty Closets to fill that void.

You can do this! We are all here pulling for you!

 

I can tell you that a relatively minor health crisis that led to losing some weight was one of several things that eventually led to my starting to come out. I buried a whole lot of gay under the extra 100 or so pounds I was carrying, and once I lost some of it, I was very surprised at how much more comfortable I was physically AND mentally. All I did was make better food choices and make a habit of some very non-threatening exercise! (That makes it sound like it was a piece of cake--pardon me, let's say a "walk in the park" instead! It has been work. But not as hard as I expected.)

For closeted gay people, especially those of us past our teens, being gay and in the closet takes up an awful lot of our energy and thoughts. We envision coming out as a giant, traumatic event that will dramatically change every aspect of our lives. Realistically, it CAN be, depending on where you are in life (like, married with kids, as I am). But the first and biggest step is just accepting yourself and really, truly believing that it's acceptable and good to be who you are. Not wearing gay pride T-shirts, not putting equality bumper stickers on your car, not raising a rainbow flag in front of your house. There could be negative things that come about from it, but while you're worrying about the negative things, you forget the positives that could come about. Friends who you can be more open with. Different opportunities for networking or activities (not always, but it can happen.) Love. It's largely a matter of being able to convince yourself that the risks of acting are better than the pain of doing nothing.

Your used name says it all. One step at a time. Concentrate on your next step, and then your next. A cross-country trip starts by getting in your car and leaving the driveway. Rush the trip, and you'll crash and burn. Take it slow and enjoy the scenery!

 

I grew up in a small town so I get the feeling. I've spent the last fifteen years in a medium sized city and can tell you that it's not much different. I've got a handful of uncles, aunts and cousins that live within blocks of me. My parents moved to the same city several years ago and I was in a somewhat public position throughout my career. I often can't go out to do anything without running into someone who knows me somehow and have often felt to be out I'd need to move and it's something I'm contemplating but I don't expect that would make things all that easy overall.

Through the years I've found one way or another to isolate myself, I went from being surrounded by a large group of friends in my early 20's that would get together weekly to pushing everyone away and almost completely eliminating any social life whatsoever. Simply because it seemed easier to be alone then to have to keep up a lie or to continue wearing the mask that I had been. But the loneliness of the situation I've created begins to make the world seem smaller day by day and I started to think is this the life I want? Spending time off from work alone, all the time, never really letting anyone in or giving anyone a chance to get close to me. I'm not even meaning in a relationship sense just people in general...having essentially nobody and feeling like that's the way the rest of my life would go because of my own choices and actions has become a much scarier thought than the possibility of being out.

I'm not really out yet just to a really close friend which gives me someone in person to confide in. But, I've made the decision to not really be in either. I've started dating a little so have gone out in public with guys on a few occasions and have run into people I've known and nothing's come of it. I figure if it leads to gossip or questions I'll just deal with it as it comes but I will not go on living my life with the walls of the world closing in on me.