Help bi curious female!! I am in my 40's always had crushes on women but also had 3 long term relationships with men (they didn't work out but I was in love with them for the first years). Too scared to follow my heart and experience a relationship with a woman. (My mom always told me it was bad and wrong, however, I told her a week ago and she was just awesome, times have changed!) After 3 failed male relationships, the desire for men is very jaded. For the first time ever, I developed a close relationship with a woman, a friend, I have very strong feelings and admiration for her, thought I read the signs that she was straight but also interested. One night I asked her to come closer and just embraced her, she was surprised but comfortable. We went to bed and I just held her, she was comfortable and happy, then something kicked in and she said she had always been straight and this was not her. I was so ashamed but don't regret it had happened. I feel so deeply for her and care about her so much. It just felt 100% right!! I apologized the next day and she said she felt no awkwardness and we would always remain friends and soulmates, we would keep it sacred. After that she had to go away for 2 weeks, we had no contact. Today I had to see her, awkward as hell but she seemed happy to see me. I am just confused, is there something there or not. I know we will miss each others companionship and sharing and secretly hope she just hasn't realised! I know we share something very special and I know she realizes too. I just want to maintain our closeness but if she gets involved with another man I will find it very painful...
