Hi EC I am not sure if this is the right section but maybe people who were in long term relationships and were dealing with splitting from their partners can offer me some advice. My problem is kind of related to coming out and moving on. I struggle to gain independence in life and also from my ex. I've met him shortly after my mother died and I moved out of my home country to study abroad. Then I've moved again to his country to be with him. In the process I've lost touch with my old friends and failed to make new 'real' friends, so kind of feel like he is my only friend. Our relationship was rocky for the first few years: lack of intimacy, feeling stuck in life: I've worked for both of us when really I wanted to study. It kind of got better when we officially split as a couple. He is very smart, well educated but has issues regarding 'moving on' in life: never really worked apart from a few free-lance jobs, always delays dealing with practical stuff eg. setting up a bank account took him 6 months! I feel that my own issues would not take as long to sort out if I was around somebody who is more on top of his life. I loved him because he has a great personality and because we had lots of fun together, but our issues with intimacy also made me question my sexuality and because of that we' ve separated as a couple, but remained living together. Eventually I've moved away back to my home country to study: it was an utter disaster, I've never felt so isolated, I had no support network at all, the people there were difficult to get to know etc. etc so I transferred back to my ex's country to study there, because I've grown more familiar with that country and found the people to be friendlier there. I know I tend towards women and I prefer women, but at some point I was still deluded that I was bi and so given that his financial situation got better and I did love him I've thought I'll give it another go at living with him. So for that time our relationship kind of changed back to being a couple (although we did not have sex). Now I know we will not work as a relationship. Our relationship did not work out and also I have realised that I have no intention of being with a guy, I really tend to be more on the gay spectrum. I've told him all of this, but he somehow does not seem to be bothered by this. He kind of accepts this, but his suggestion is that we 'date other people' and I am not sure if he actually gets the fact that it means 'no' to us as a relationship and that at some point I'll want to have a monogamous relationship with a woman and that I want to split for good now. We share a room at the moment and for me it is very uncomfortable because I am the kind of person who needs solitude to think and work. I need the person who I live with to recognise this and give me some space from time to time. He works from home and I study, so on most days we see each other 24h. He does not seem to be bothered at all by lack of privacy and lack of space, he still wants to share a room with me even we are separated as a couple. I cannot afford to get my own room at the moment without any support: the money I get would be possibly enough to get by, but I don't have money for deposit and would literally have no security at all: no friends to help out in case things go wrong, no family, no ability to get a loan, etc. Not that I anticipate needing to ask somebody for help, but I'd need to have the feeling that in case things go wrong there is somebody I could ask for help. We talk about being supportive of each other and providing that support network for each other when needed as friends, but he does not seem to recognise my need to move on from our relationship, to be my own person, or even my need for my own space to work. E.g. he gets offended when I put up a screen work behind, because I need that 'alone' feeling to concentrate. (because his identity somehow does not get distorted by living with somebody 24h). I like him, I get on with him and I want him in my life as a friend, but I also feel that I need to move on. I feel that if I just decided to move out without agreeing on it with him first I'd lose his friendship and I don't feel secure enough in my life to survive without it. The problem is that after nearly 10 years of on and off being with him and not really having any other family/friends I feel like I've lost my ability to be on my own, to be an adult who looks after myself. I attend therapy, but it is not helping as much as I'd like. My ex is also not helping me to grow up because he does not share my needs for independence in living conditions, he does not mind sharing a room/life with me. I don't want to be in a relationship with him, I don't want to have sex with him and I feel often uncomfortable at being 24h together with somebody who is not my partner, I've also broken up with him before and left him. He never had the desire/ability to be physically really intimate with me and I have ample of evidence that although he might love me as a person he does not like sex with me and he fancies other women. I feel that any guy who lived with a woman who was this incompatible would just be glad to have her go and probably pressure her into doing so, and would be glad to move on to find a partner who fits him, but he does not seem to be bothered and does not come across as needing to move on. How do l move on? How can I get support in doing so? Are there any support groups in the UK that I could access? Thank you!
