...and a visit to your shrink afterward. Tough day, office politics, only a half day with the kids yesterday (first major holiday), so many changes in a scant 4 months. My shrink thinks that I've done well with a lot of heavy lifting, but... There's always a "but" isn't there: 1. I've done marvelously with the acceptance of the divorce, but that I've not or am unwilling to accept the end of my marriage. 2. That with moving out in 2 weeks I should prepare myself for the lonliest period of my life. That I should not exchange sex for intimacy. That despite having no family (parents dead, only child), I will make my own family. They just won't be blood...children excepted. 3. That I need to find a mentor to show me the ropes (get your minds out of the gutter). That along the way I'll have to kiss quite a few frogs before finding a prince. Mistakes will happen and be kind to yourself. This is a new world that I know little about. 4. There is still a lot of heavy lifting to do, and, yes, it's a shame there are so few support groups in Rochester. I left wondering if I should go back out and have another G & T, but the weather has been glorious. I have my kids, a little dog to keep me company, a tenured position, friends who'll support me even if they're tired of hear about the divorce and such. I'll make it, and somewhere there's a man in my future. Maybe it won't be a cottage on Saranac Lake or the great passion I envision, but I got this far...and I've gotten here with help from a lot of you. (&&&)
I love a G&T.. but usually find two is one too many !! It sounds like you have been preparing for this for some time and you are ready for it ? Ready for the ups and downs.. So I reckon it will be a smoother ride than you fear. And who knows, clinking G&T glasses with some great new people along the way ..
Tim...it sounds like you'll be ready to graduate to martinis any day now. But also realize that for many who do have "blood" family, the best (and in some ways only) family in their lives is the found family, not the blood family. My partner is one such...with the recent death of her father, she is finally getting a little of her blood family back...but between *my* family and our friends, I fear her found-family is so much closer than her blood family is capable of being.
Ugh, gin is my least favorite liquor, can't stand the taste of it. I once drank a bottle of Bombay Sapphire taking swigs right out of the bottle, so nasty. But that aside, good for you, it sounds like you are making progress toward the goals that you have set for yourself. I hope you are able to find a support group that will match your needs, though at least you have your shrink who seems to be helping you. But aww, don't worry about being lonely, you will find someone for you...
Tim only.1.g&t.... for shame that's just making the poor drink feel all lonely. LOL. You know family has nothing to do with blood relations. Family are the people who care about you, the people who show interest in what makes you happy, the people who you look forward to hearing about the news in their lives. Moving out is a big change for you, and having limited time with kids will be an adjustment to work through. But you've made it this far beautifully. It's exceedingly rare to find a prince right out of the gates, so cut yourself some slack. You don't need to compromise your morals to find someone. And given the right circumstances, sticking to your morals can make the right relationship that much more intense. I believe everyone is capable of finding the right parking lot. (inside joke.)
I'm amazed at the amount of adjusting and recalibrating that had to do in order to look myself in the mirror and tell myself I was gay, and the amount of adjusting and recalibrating that I've done SINCE then. One of the hardest things for me has been, quite simply, trust. Trust that I'm doing the right thing; trust that I'll find my way in this new world that I've chosen to be part of, trust that I can hold my own, and trust that perhaps one day I won't HAVE to be alone. After shutting off and hiding out for decades, that's no easy task, but I've been surprised at how good it has felt to be more open and honest, and amazed and grateful for the results. Easy, no, but how many really good things in our lives really are? And even the completely unexpected and wonderful things came as a result of being open, and trusting my thoughts and feelings to people I didn't even know. You are already a good man. Trust your values and your judgment, and be yourself. And don't be surprised if you end up BEING surprised. In a really good way. Might not be today or tomorrow, but a real, decent person who is who he says he is, and plays no games, is a rare and wonderful find, and you'll recognize him pretty quickly when your paths cross. ---------- Post added 22nd Apr 2014 at 08:52 AM ---------- Oh, and a DEFINITE thumbs up on the G & T!
Well, I couldn't very well have had 2 before an appointment...thanks everyone for the support and reassuance.
