Is it best to die a virgin?

For me: It's "Die a virgin".

But if someone really wants to have sex of some sort, who am I to stop them? Individual tastes.

Just do what you feel is right....

 

B: "Die a virgin."

I'd hate to die a virgin, but I'd hate having sex with someone I don't love much more.

 

I'm not convinced that a long-term emotional-sexual relationship is indeed preferable to occasional casual hookups. While I don't think a virgin death is as horrible a fate as people make it out to be, I don't see why you'd rather have that than hook up once in a while, unless you really just don't care for sex. Which would be fine.

 

No, I definitely care about sex. A LOT.
I just find the idea of giving up my body to a stranger violating and disgusting.

I'd be more comfortable with one of those crazy looking dildos...

 

I think It's just individual personality or preference. I couldn't do a hook-up because I view sex and love coming together and my body expressing that for my partner. I'm a very cuddly, sentimental person, and It would destroy me to do something like that if it didn't feel emotional.

There's nothing wrong with hook-ups, but there's also nothing wrong with only valuing intimate sex either.

 

Well, since I can't turn back the clock, it's "A."

I respect the choice or that there are situations through which people remain virgins. I hope they don't judge me, though. In more recent times, people seem to have become more relationship oriented or, at least, they seem to be, even though there are, and always will be, hookups. Hookups go back to much older yet civilized places and periods in history. The same is true of prostitution a.k.a. the world's oldest profession.

 

I don't judge people who have had casual sex as long as they don't judge me for only wanting relationship sex, and me preferring the idea of dying inexperienced if it doesn't happen. But unfortunately, I see that a lot of people judge me for it and tell me I don't have to wait.

I support everyone's freedom to do whatever they want, it just doesn't fit my personality. I don't understand the appeal of casual sex personally because I value/want a relationship badly. And I can be relieved from sexual frustration easily through masturbation/without a partner since for me It's just a physical urge that doesn't require a person.

But to each their own

 

Definitely B. Die a virgin. "Strength and honor" or... "Chastity and self-respect!"

 

I'd much rather die a virgin.

There is nothing sad, tragic, or that should be embarrassing about being a virgin, at any time, EVER - but society is twisted and stupid and we've all been conditioned to believe there is.

On the other hand, it does feel a bit tragic to leave this earth having never been truly, deeply, warmly loved by another person. However, you absolutely don't need sex for that.

In my feeling, sex is a celebration. And it is celebrating, at its best, a wonderful, magical connection between two people. So having a pantomime of a "celebration" - having a show of a party, without the festive feeling or atmosphere, so to speak - just makes the "celebration" feel all the more empty, fake, and hollow.

Depressing, even.

I'd much rather celebrate what's real that I appreciate in my life, than attend a shallow "poser party" for the sake of snacking on a few hors d'oeuvres and feeling queasy and alone when I got home.

 

Pretty much just agreeing with the majority here. Something about casual sex just seems so unfulfilling to me, but that's just my personal taste.

 

Personally, I'd rather die a virgin. Do I think that's going to happen? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!

There's a significant amount of shame involved in the coming out process, and of losing your "perceived straight" self - both among your friends/family/other people in your life as well as yourself. This results in people being in places like you are now and like I have been, feeling that a relationship is never going to happen since you don't feel (whether this is conscious or not) that you deserve one. Your mind will make up all sorts of reasons that it's not possible, but I really think that anything is possible so long as your put your mind to it.

The first thing that you need to do is identify the triggers of shame in your life. For me personally, it's my physical appearance. I'm overweight, which is for me personally a significant source of shame. At the same time, I realize that it's not really an entirely horrible turnoff to lots of guys - I see overweight guys in relationships (both gay and straight) routinely. Therefore, the source of shame makes no logical sense, but it's there.

One of the first things that you have to do is be able to identify the sources of shame in your life. You then need to simply tell your story with authenticity. I seriously doubt that the point of this thread was to start a poll with only two options and thinking that everyone had to select one of the two options, in fact you admit as much yourself. How I read the thread is something like this (and feel free to tell me if I'm wrong) - "I don't think that I'll ever be able to get a long-term, stable relationship. Therefore, I need to figure out if I should just start hooking up or die a virgin".

I suspect that one of the sources of shame for you (and me, to some extent) is being your age, and never having been in a relationship and thinking that you're alone in this. There are several on this forum, myself included, that are in similar situations. YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Once you start "being real", then I think that you'll find that the shame just goes away, your confidence increases, and you just might be able to find that special guy. I know that's what I'm betting on for myself

 

Or, said better & much more beautifully, this:

[YOUTUBE]http://youtu.be/gfqBdzqJPA0[/YOUTUBE]

 

I've participated in casual sex, but it's true that it is nothing more than sex. Friends with benefits, however, can be fulfilling to an extent. The sex becomes an extension of the friendship, but doesn't come with the expectations regular romantic relationships bring with them.

 

That makes sense. I guess for myself I don't see sex as something important enough to have to reserve for someone I'm very close to or in love with.

 

"Love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!" - Christian, Moulin Rouge

 

BMC77,
I do not think you'll die a virgin. You're only 43! And you're just now branching out. I didn't have sex until I was 31, and I thought I was doomed. When it finally happened, it was nice, but it wasn't the best thing to happen in my whole life. I've hit a two-year dry spell, but I'm still living to tell about it.

I think your life is a bit under a cloud, and depression is perhaps fogging your view. I only know you through here, but I think you'll have the opportunity to find a relationship. It may take some practice, might not work with the first, second, or third guy, but you'll get there.

You've taken a lot of big leaps: the community center, the dinner. You're taking risks, and that--I hope--will mean leading to a guy.

As far as casual sex goes: I've never done it. It doesn't appeal to me, and I agree that it's a bad idea from my perspective. But I have had "fooling around" experiences a few times. It's not the same as the joy of a relationship, but it feels nice to have the attention of a good looking guy. These were usually on the second or third date, not some back alley.

I know that we live reasonably close to one another, and it's not easy out here. But the sun will eventually start shining, both physically and metaphorically.

 

It's actually too late for me on both options. But I will say, I've (A) been a virgin, (B) had quite a bit of casual sex and (C) been in a long term relationship (currently on 16 years). While C is definitely the best, for me B was a close second... light years ahead of A. Sex can just be fun and, yes, even a way to connect with people without the sort of soul-merging that people aspire to. Some of my best friends started as hookups--but that's only going to happen if your comfortable with what you're doing. If the prospect of it fills you with shame it's a pretty good indication you shouldn't do it. If you want to hook up, hook up--be safe, be sensible and keep your expectations in check. But if you are thinking of hooking up just so you won't die a virgin, don't do it. Keep hope alive!

 

You're 43 and a Virgin? If so that is so cute but I don't think I would wanna die a virgin.

 

A 14 year old does not tell a 43 year old how 'cute' being a virgin is.


Go to your room.