First off I'm sorry if this is wrong category, but ill continue. Im new here im a guy rethinking my situation. and i joined cause i found this site on google and i liked the name. and i had questions and this seems like a super friendly place apon first inspection. but to my point. Im 22 thats why idk if this is the right catagory but recently. like this last month or so i have been rethinking my whole life, as a far as sexuality goes anyways.. it all started as a joke i was at bed bath and beyond with my mom. we were picking out new comforter for my room of the house im bought. She jokingly said wow you have realy good taste and combine colors well are you sure youre not gay? then it hit me, I HAVE NO CLUE, ive always played around with it like in the deeeeeeeep back part of my brain cause my family is religious and like shun this life style. but part of me always like checks guys out and i always see a "cute guy" and get worked up. (it still feels wierd admitting that to myself). but any ways heres my thing, how do i know for sure if im bi or gay or what ever with out going to far. i wanna try it or atleast find out but i dont wanna hurt any one in the process cause i dont wanna kiss some random guy i want it to mean something but at the same time i dont want it to mean something and me not be fully in it and hurt him. any advice?
If you believe this says you're gay, you probably have some internalized homophobia to work through. Most of us had/have it, so it doesn't make you a bad person, but it will be hard to deal with these questions if you don't address it.
Hey heroOFhyrule, welcome to EC! I find it commendable that you are considerate of the feelings of another and that you prefer your first time to mean something. But you're not sure, right? I often counsel the following thought experiment: Tomorrow morning, wake up as if you were gay (bear with me!). You just know that you are gay. Wear this "identity" for 3-4 days, note down how you feel, what your fantasies are when masturbating (if you so indulge) and note down how you notice guys, etc. After this, wake up the next day convinced that you are straight and keep that up for 3-4 days, again note down how you feel, what your fantasies are when thinking of women, and what you are feeling when you notice a beautiful woman. At the end of all this, compare notes. Ask yourself with complete honesty which identity you feel fits you best, or excites you the most. No guarantee that it will work of course, but I suspect that when you "wake up gay" and you really are gay, that you will feel like most of us who have come out to ourselves: as if a large weight has been lifted from our shoulders.... You don't need to be absolutely sure before meeting someone, "reasonably sure" is good enough. Best of luck!
heroOFhyrule, First of all, I'm glad you have good taste in comforters. I'm useless in that regard, and I find Bed, Bath, and Beyond to be terrifying. As funny as that might have been, there is a bit of reassurance in your mother's statement. If, over time, you come to the conclusion that you are gay, it sounds like your mother would be okay with it. Or at least she'd count on you for comforter advice. But let's talk about finding the "cute guy" in the store. I definitely do that. "J" at Trader Joe's makes that trip worthwhile every time. So what does that mean? A little. 1. It's okay to find guys to be cute. Just as I find some women to be cute. I'm definitely gay, but I can find women to be cute or attractive, just not in a sexual way. 2. Maybe the thoughts "in the back of your head" carry some weight. You don't have to feel compelled to disclose anything to us here, but have you had more intimate thoughts about being with a guy? Do you think about kissing or holding hands with a guy? 3. There's nothing wrong with you. Many people of all ages have these questions. I guy I know from college just emailed me yesterday; he's still trying to figure things out. For me, I knew in my late teens: I'd been wondering--the same thing--some thoughts in the back of my head. Then I realized that I was actually very attracted to a friend of mine. And that attraction was a pattern: I liked other guys the same way. I'd say it took perhaps six to twelve months to be sure. Others have more fluid or dynamic thoughts. They might be attracted to women for a long time and then switch to men sometimes or all the time. Some are attracted to both genders all the time. I fall into the "absolute" section: I'm 100% gay. Last night, I went out for a beer with my straight next door neighbor. We're good friends. He was asking me which women I found attractive. I could name women who I thought were hot, but I didn't really want to be with them in a sexual way. In other words, Kiera Knightley is amazing, but I do not wish to be intimate with Kiera Knightley (that's unlikely to happen for a lot of reasons.) My straight friend admitted that he thought Liam Neeson was attractive. I explained that this was 1) Weird 2) Still Weird. But again, I don't think that he wants a sexual relationship with Liam Neeson; he just finds him to be an attractive guy. For now, I think greatwhale had sensible advice about keeping notes in a safe place. But I also think you can just spend some time asking, "What sort of people do I find attractive? And to what level? Is it just that someone is 'good looking,' or is it that I want to be with him or her on an intimate level?" I'm glad that you're asking these questions, and I'm glad that you came to visit us on this web site. All of us will help you however we can.
i dont have homophobia, i have no issue with touching or being around gay peoeple. i prefer it. but ive just never concidered myself to be that way till recently. in honesty part of me knew ive just been to afraid to accept it due to how family and friends will react, it terrifies me. ive read about people losing their family due to just one new fact about them. being shunned is the scary part. if im gay im gay. i have thought about kissing guys and holding hands ect with the same sex, only reason ive never acted apon my feelings is because, truthfully ive never had the chance. and i care a lot about the feelings of other people i dont want to get some one involved just to let them down. i want to find out who i am but not at the price of some ones feelings. ive often though about setting something up and being honest with the guy wiling to help me and just tell him that things might not work just based on the fact im not 100% sure who i am but i dont want to offend him and make him feel used or anything. also im not sure he will be 100% into it if i tell him its not for sure. this whole find out my sexuality thing is delicate. and as far as the guys i find cute or attractive is the (im not trying to be mean or anything im just not sure what to call it other then this) is the "twink" guys i guess, not super girly but not masculine either. there was a kid in my high school i was always interested in that was gay but i was terrified of being gay in a high school surrounding.
