Devasted

Please do not harm yourself. I'm sure this isn't the end for you and you will find someone.

 

Wow that is a rough situation. Please don't hurt yourself. I know that breaking up of a serious relationship hurts.

Love yourself. Find someone you care about, either a friend or family member who also cares about you to talk to if you can. If you can't maybe there is a local LGBT center with a support group you can go to. Talking about it on here helps.

I find that writing down my emotions helps me grieve. If you have hobbies or things that you enjoy doing, and you don't feel like talking to people focus on those to distract you from thinking about her. Also, if the place that you live or things in your living space trigger memories it might be good to take a vacation and get away for a while. Sorry you are going through this.

 

It may sound ridiculous, but try to look at it positively. It ended because she didn't love you, which means she WASN'T perfect for you. Do anything you can, to get rid of those thoughts, and something very important...Don't try to rush yourself. Take your time, and you'll get through this. The further you travel from a horrible event in your life in time, the less it stresses you.
And there surely are many women out there just waiting for you Don't rob yourself of the pleasure of getting to know them.

 

I have to slightly disagree about just not thinking about it. That would be the end goal, but if you try and force yourself not to think about something, then you probably will think about it all the time. Instead set aside a set amount of time to focus on your emotions and get it all out. Then the rest of the day do your best to focus on living well. That way you get through the pain without becoming completely incapacitated by your emotions.

 

Hey Baileys, welcome to EC!

That's awful stuff you've been through, I'm so glad you found the strength to share this with us.

I have a quote for you:

You loved, you lost, and now you need to let go.

Because you loved, because you were loved, you know more than most that it is possible for you to participate in loving. Take time to recover and to grieve, feel it deeply, but realize that when it comes to love, it is not some possession you lost, it is a beautiful sunset that has turned to night, it's a bright flower that had to wither.

Share your grieving time with us, we're here to listen. Have faith (there is no faith without doubt, I know) that you will love again. Look forward to tasting "as many as you could."

 

Do you have someone you can talk this through with. Use EC in the meantime..
Also talking it out with a therapist over a fe weeks would be a great way to make sense of it and rebuild your world.

 

ouch. i'm so sorry.

i know how it feels to be so heartlessly shunned by someone, and to feel scared and alone. i've been in that boat. i was in an on again/off again situation for years with a girl i felt insanely strong for. she totally snubbed me when i was struggling with my mental health as we officially ended things as well.

i know it's super cliche - but life really does go on. it might take you a bit, but you will find someone else. someone who absolutely loves you to death and makes it all worth it.

concentrate on yourself. be good to yourself. focus on things that make you happy. surround yourself with people who actually care for you and your well being. believe that you deserve it, because you really do.(*hug*)

 

Baileys. I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, had my heart broken- no that's not right... I had my heart stomped spit on cut and discarded along with my sense of self worth, my spirit and my ego. I fell in love with a beautiful intelligent -somewhat disturbed (which reared it ugly mean self after I was hooked)- woman. She was the most important adult in my life for almost 14 months. I left my marriage of 15 years bc I wanted to live an authentic life with her, but I knew really early on things weren't right. She was self absorbed and manipulative. She questioned every decision I made. Nothing I did was good enough. She made me feel less, dirty, ugly, like a liar. Our relationship, like you say, was toxic. I knew that, yet I repeatedly returned. I have never considered myself weak (although my ex constantly called me weak), yet I tolerated abuse from a woman that was supposed to love me. Eventually, I had had enough. I cut off all contact with her. I closed the door on her in my life. The problem was I had not dealt with the pain and reasoning behind the end. Now.. Months later, she emails me a picture of another woman-- one she has used to replace me. She accuses me of cheating lying being weak. I feel badly. I want to explain. I want to show her that every promise I made to her.. I followed thru on. I want her to think I'm worth it. That's when I realized the most important thing-- I have to feel like I'm worth it. I'm still trying, and I'm hurt by her insults and rejection, but every now and again I think I may be worth it-- in fact I think I may be worth more. I hope this is the case for you. Best.

 

If you want to get out of the rut, first you have to realize what she did is messed up. You have to get that down. Get angry if you must. It's time to pick yourself up on the floor.
Get rid of all the things that remind you of her. I don't recommend you contacting her; it will make you feel worse.
Know that you have to stay strong for yourself; it's okay to care more about yourself.
Remember that you were still good before.
Remember the things that made you happy before her. It might be difficult at first, but you will find it. For me it's skateboarding,
Go out with a friend somewhere & try new things.
Go on nature walks,hikes, or bike rides. I go on walks with my friend around the neighborhood & it made me feel good.
Write your feelings down and tear it up or light it on fire. Keep it if you want.
Read a book. I'm currently reading "It's Kind of a Funny Story" by Ned Vizzini.
Listen to upbeat music. The song Dare by Gorillaz got my mind off things.
Really, anything that will get your mind off it that isn't of harm to you will work.

I don't know if any of these things will work for you but I'll hope that something does. It may feel like the world stopped & you have nothing left, but it's the opposite. I hope you see that.

 

IMO, being gay is a privilege. There are many who stay in the closet and be miserable rather than love. Coming out and showing who you are is a huge deal, you are out and say, "I am here, in the sunlight. Try and stop me, now" You give something to the world, and for someone to be heartless and not want you back after you left a marriage, then damn, I am sorry for you to know that person. And it will pass because she is one person one this planet with 7 Billion people on it. There is someone else out there waiting for you in a cafe, a club, super market, somewhere even where you go on a daily basis, just waiting for you to meet them, you are not alone in how you feel.

"Being ignored hurts just the same as being hurt physically" That is the truth, and I felt it too, but one day you won't need her anymore and that will be when you forgive her, it will take time to go there. Remember, everyone in life is going their own journey, you were apart of her journey and now she is continuing on, but the MOST important thing to remember is, she was in YOUR's first. For not even a year in your 39 years so far. It is a shame when it happens, but the more hurt you are, the more you can take in thee future.

Welcome to EC, Just a nice little part of happiness we all need.

 

Stop. Think. Not with your heart. Think with your head. Think how others that do care about you would feel if they found out that you were harming yourself. Think of this as a new beginning...not an end. Think about getting help....NOW!!! Not tomorrow. Reach out to those that do care that you can talk to face to face and get the help you need and deserve. She is the one who made the mistake of ending it with you. One day she will realize that when she sees the new happier you. Keep that image in your head and take the steps you need to take to get there. DO NOT hesitate. Get help now.

 

Awh. That situation sounds extreme. It really does. Can't imagine what you're going through. Something that doesn't seem so popular but may work would be to see a therapist who specializes in sexualities. You can meet people through these things despite one on one sessions. She or he can give you proper advice & perhaps reference you to some support group where other adult female seeking love with other females may be. Then, if it doesn't work, or if whatever you do doesn't work, you know you at least have that one person at the least, your therapist, to go to. The bonds formed are great!

 

Hang tough. Cry alot. get it all out- but know that you are not the only one to have gone through this and many of us have made it- so you can too. you will not believe how strong you are inside (in time) and how one day you will smile and feel ok again. and you will look back on her and think "wow, i loved her, but she was really cold and heartless when i needed her, so if that is who she is not the worst thing she did not stick around"

 

If someone treats you like that, they are not worth your love. You are missing what you once had. Self harming won't heal any deep wounds. See a therapist - get some good support. You sound like a lovely person, you will love and be loved again, just get yourself there.