Came out to my son and mom...........

all in one day! How 'bout that! I was worried about telling my son. I didn't think he'd react negatively, but I wasn't quite sure how he'd take the new. Like the rest of my children, he said he's fine with it and that it isn't going to affect things between us in a negative way.

I'm very relieved. I have four children and thought for sure that at least one of them would have a major problem with this. That simply hasn't been the case. They've all been great and are supportive of their father.

My mom, however is upset. She's upset, according to her, because she can't believe that I would spend my life having children if I'm gay. She also thinks this is going to hurt my children, in spite of the fact that I told her the kids are fine with it and love their dad just the same. She tried to tell me that she's fine with me being gay, but I know my mom. Her tone of voice completely changed, and she got defensive when I told her if she ever wanted to talk about it all she has to do is call me. "Why would I need to call you? It's our life. Your 47 years old. What do you expect me to say?", is what she said, in a very agitated way. I calmly explained to her that it's okay if she has any negative feelings and that I'm here if she feels like she needs to tell me anything, good or bad. That's when she started in again with this business about why did I have children. I told her that I had children because my desire to be a father was stronger than my desire to be with a man, and that she knows as well as I do that 25...30 years ago there was no such thing as two men marrying and adopting children or one or both of them making babies with a surrogate mother.

However things turn out with her, I am at peace with it. I was hoping for a better reaction from her, mainly because I has already told her I was gay when I was 17. I moved out of state shortly thereafter, came back 5 years later with my wife in tow, and the subject of me being gay had never been brought back up. The assumption, apparently, was that it was just a phase I went through that was over with because I came back with a wife. I suppose I could have told her that I was still gay and that my wife knew about it, but it just seemed like it was too complicated a situation to talk with her about back then. Like now, she just wouldn't have been able to wrap her mind around the idea of a gay man getting married to a woman and having children.

So, that just leaves my sister. She and I have never really been close so part of me doesn't feel the need to tell her, but I did ask my mom not to tell her because I feel that I need to be the one to tell her. We shall see how it goes with her.

---------- Post added 26th Apr 2014 at 02:16 PM ----------

You know what? I've changed my mind. I'm not fine with how she took it. Now I'm getting pissed. She acted almost offended by the notion that I had children, knowing that I'm gay. As if gay people are now banned from having children. WTF? This shit's gonna get ugly. I will not let what she said stand!

 

Not really. The only part about women that has ever turned me on are boobs, but even with that I have to be thinking of a man to get off. Now, when I was in my 20s I could get a stiff one if the wind blew just right, but things started to really change in my 30s to where I had to be thinking of a man in order to reach climax, and even with that, the sex with her wasn't very satisfying. I still love her though. Probly always will. After all, how many women do you know who would agree to marry a man who was honest about being gay from the start? I wanted children and our friendship was strong enough to agree to live together to create a family. She got what she needed, which is someone to take care of and watch out for her, and I got what I wanted, which was children. Along the way, we have shared many good memories and a lot of laughs. If it weren't for the fact that I am ready to find a man to spend my life with, I'd go ahead and stay living together with her because she knows me better than anyone I have ever known. She's my best friend. If only she had a dick..................:lol: I can laugh about that because I've always told her she'd be perfect if she had a dick.

 

Oh yeah. I had been sleeping with guys since around age 10. By the time I met my wife, there was no doubt in my mind that I was gay.

 

I thought about that earlier today. It just seemed so strange to me for her biggest problem with me being gay is that I made children. I've had some training in social work, and have played the counselor role for many people. I've heard quite a few justifications for someone being upset that someone else is gay, but never the one she threw at me. I even asked a friend of mine, who is retired from counseling, if she has ever heard of that sort of reaction. She said it's rare to find someone who thinks gays shouldn't reproduce, but she has heard of it before.

Either way, I decided I am not going to spend my time trying to figure out why she thinks this way. It's her problem, not mine. As long as she doesn't try to undermine my relationship with my children, she can think whatever she wants. I told her what I needed to tell her.

---------- Post added 27th Apr 2014 at 05:52 PM ----------

I wrestled with myself for quite a long time, trying to figure out why things are the way they are for me. I mean, here I was knowing that I'm gay, but I'm banging away at the wife like there's no tomorrow during my twenties and early thirties. I finally realized that being gay or straight has little to do with behavior. Sex, in and of itself, is just sex, regardless of who I have it with. Our sexual organs are designed to respond to stimulation. My dick has no idea whether it's being stimulated by a man or a woman. It only knows that it's being asked to perform. I could blindfold myself, take off my clothes, and someone (without me knowing their sex) could start giving me head or manual stimulation, and I wouldn't know if that person was male or female. But I'd still get hard, and if the stimulation continued long enough, I'd climax.

Knowing this led me to the realization that hetero, homo, and bi-sexuality only exists in the mind. We like to tell ourselves that our behavior, sexually speaking, should match what out mind is telling us, but the truth of the matter is that what's going on in the mind can be completely disconnected from what we're acting out. In my case, I found that engaging in "straight" sex posed no threat to the reality that exists in my mind (that I'm gay).

You may be asking yourself, "Well, how does he know that he's gay then?" It's simple. It boils down to who I am attracted to. The attraction that we feel towards others is something that is hard wired into us. We have no control over it. I could no more stop myself from feeling attraction to men than I could to a nice set of boobs.

But wait a minute. I just said that I know I am gay, but I am also saying that I like boobs. That makes me bi, right? Not in my mind. I view liking boobs on women as an anomaly, when compared to the depth or breadth of my attraction to men. I am attracted to everything about men. I like their faces, their bodies, their genitals, their spirit, etc. I don't find a woman's vagina particularly attractive. I am not into their shape either. Naturally, I can look at a woman and decide if I think she's pretty, but I feel no attraction to a woman's face (as in to want to kiss it).

So, for me, the fact that it's men that I am attracted to defines me as gay. I am at the point with the boobs things that any attraction I feel towards them happens very infrequently. I hope I haven't confused you with my rambling. If you want to know the truth, I've always suspected that I'm a little nutty in the head. I have analyze things over and over until I get to the very core of them. It's just what I do, and I have been the primary subject I've analyzed over the course of my life! If I could write myself a prescription to stop doing it, I would! :lol: