I have discovered how relationships could be cruel on us and how people lye all the time, me included. I have been married for several years now. I think in a certain way I love my wife and she loves me or at least likes me, but basically we have many difficulties with our sexual life. Since my 20's I started feeling an attraction for guys, older guys. Last year finally I found the courage to meet someone on the internet and start having some meetings since then. I really love to be with older guys, all the intimacy, friendship and of course sex. I dated one married guy for some months and I thought he was special and I could have the better of both worlds. It ended he was a big liar because he was involved with many people at the same time and denied it all the time. I know there are promiscuous people who assume it and the other who don't. But I am a liar too, so what's the difference between a big liar and a small liar, I don't know. But I learned a big lesson with this guy, that I can't trust easily other people, that not all is what it seems. The best is to come. With this new experience (and the other dates) I started questioning why my wife barely wants to have sex with me. The conclusion is that I think my wife likes other women, and she has been having a marriage with me mostly for convenience. I have been fool with my money, because my wife earns more money than me I have been the only person who have been paying the mortgage of our house since when we married the house was mine. She knows that I have financial difficulties because of this situation and never offered to help until very recently, since she sensed I would divorced her if she didn't help with the mortgage. Ironically the guy I dated was the guy who appointed this problem, so not all was lost. I really like guys but I already see that gay life is much harder and much more promiscuous, maybe for a number of reasons. And the fact that I only like older guys, who wants mostly sex with me doesn't help. I have chronic problems with depression and anxiety which worsen the situation too. Sometimes I feel that on these forums there are many black-or-white thinking, where the reality is more gray, sometimes there aren't definitive answers. Thanks for reading this post.
Globe, I think few things in life are black and white--everything seems gray to me. But I also think that you're buying into the stereotype of the "gay lifestyle." You don't say where in Europe you live, so I don't know how accepting your culture and community are, and that can make a big difference. You also don't say what your sense of "older" is. I mean, you're 40. Does older mean 50 or 60 or what? Have you reached out to LGBT support groups? They tend to be more about relationships rather than just sex. Here (well, nearby), I belong to a support group for gay men who are, or have been, married to women. It's been great for me! There may also be groups specifically for gay men 40 and over, and my experience is that they're a great way to meet other guys for friendship. And this is just me, but I'm not a believer in sex followed by friendship and relationship. I want to go friendship first, and let the rest just take its course... (*hug*)
Hi StillArround, Thank you for your reply. Maybe I am buying the stereo type as you said, because each case is different. I am from Portugal and live in a small city. I like older guys in their 50's and 60's, not attracted to my age or younger. Now my wife is talking about having a baby. Because of my anxiety I am also having problems related to libido. A support group would be wonderful but where I live I do not know the existence of one. Maybe in Lisbon I could find one to attend from time to time.
