I'm always confused and know I will have to leave my marriage to figure out my sexuality but it's so damn hard. What makes things more complicated is I am still attracted to my husband. We've been together for 11 years, when he works a lot and I don't see him my lesbian thoughts become stronger but when I'm with him and we are connecting (making me laugh, spending time with the kids etc) then the thoughts are background noise. I've been trying really hard not to sleep with him/kiss/touch him but I'm not sure how to not do that. The pain of leaving him is excruciating, but the thoughts and feelings need to be figured out. My husband knows what my issues are and is probably as confused as I am because I will tell him one thing and the next day be all over him. I'm thinking about seeing a marriage therapist/lbgt therapist, but I don't know if they will help...
I'm going through the extract same thin.I don't really have any answers for you but all a I can say is if you still love him and think that it could actually work a marriage counsellor maybe the way to go.You may find your bisexual leading towards women sexuality can be quite fluid.Im currently in counselling now just for myself and I'm finding it is helping a great deal I've only been to two sessions and they are very foccussed on what is right by you and allowing you to open up without judgement without telling you what you should feel or think.Seeing a lgbt counsellor will Defintly help you think clearer and get you out of the funk you are in.Lets face it,As much as we want to ignore this nudging feeling inside us we can't it's a feeling we can't hide from ourselfs. Learning to love and trust yourself is hard especially when you don't really understand what's happening in your life or to yourself.You won't really know if a counsellor won't be able to help you if you don't take the first step.You owe it to yourself to be able to open up and just let it pour out of you.Release all what's building up.Inbox me anytime if you'd like to chat
Hey, Thanks for your msg. I've been just doing what comes naturally and I'm all over my husband again, wanting to be close, acting like a love fool...until I start wondering if I'm gay again or something triggers that question. Then I want to ignore him, the kids and everything else in my life. Shit, this is incredibly hard and has been happening to 2 years now consistently. I seem to waver around the spectrum as I'm back to sexually fantasizing about men again. But there's that nagging feeling/curiosity/what if's that NEVER go away.
Considering how you feel about your husband, I do not think that you should leave your marriage. I understand how difficult things are for you and perhaps seeing a marriage counselor/LGBT therapist would be beneficial for both of you. I'm not married, but I do have kids and I am currently in a relationship with a man. And lately, I have been doing a little soul searching, and I desperately miss being with a woman. So, I've also been struggling with things, but I'm committed to making things work with my boyfriend. I mean I love my boyfriend, but I don't feel like I'm 'in love' with him anymore. It feels like I'm forcing something that just isn't there and I feel really bad sometimes. He knows how I feel about women and has encouraged me to follow my heart, but it is really difficult letting go. I think you should (if your husband does not mind) venture out and start meeting with your local LGBT group. I'm sure you will meet others who are probably in the same situation as yourself. Just knowing that you're not alone in this will make you feel a lot better.
