I've had eight therapy sessions, and my life is feeling a bit better now, we've been exploring what it means for me being gay and learning an identity I feel secure and happy with. It's been tough, there's been a lot of tears, in therapy I've worked hard and whilst I feel there is a way to go, I'm seeing the benefits of being truelly open and being gay in my day to day life.. There's always been a lot of negativity surrounding homosexuality in my life whether it be friends or family or colleagues, it takes a lot to shake these negative thoughts and see my sexuality as a positive. But I'll get there.. Soon Anyways, I just wanted to check in with you guys, you've been here through it all and offered me friendship support and acceptance when I never had such things in my real life. Peace and love Richie
If oyu feel it is th eright thing to do then I think you should try to be more honest with who you are. Your real friends will accept you, people who dont accept you were not your real friends in the first place.
It is MOL, I questioned this exact same thing whether I actually wanted to be out to everyone.. And my therapist said, that I said, at the beginning of my therapy sessions that something I was striving for was being open, and not hiding.. This is what I want, I don't want to hide anymore. I want everyone to know who I am. I find it difficult to live in the shadows I've been doing it too long. Also I just checked my out status on here, it was changed months ago, it's what I've wanted. I just know it will be done in my own time.
THanks for the inspirational update. I've been in therapy for three months and like you have been working hard on unloading a lifetime worth of negative feedback. Feeling pretty good about being gay now and even proud. Who would have ever thought we could get to this point. You and the others more advanced in the transition are an inspiration to those of us just starting out so please keep the updates coming.
And thank you for your inspirational post i shall keep you updated but this is a fact as hard as the road has been I definetley made the right decision, glad your feeling proud to be gay, so you should!!
I think that the more people you come out to the easier it will and it will become a normal part of meeting new people, you will just get used to saying that you are gay. I told the lady who works in the cafe where I work yesterday, one of the few people who didn't know I was gay. It was no big deal she was just telling me about her daughters boyfriend and asked if I had a boyfriend and I just said no I was single and gay. It didn't bother her at all, we talked for a few minutes about what it was like for me being gay and that was all that was said. I don't think people are bothered by people being gay anymore. Iv'e certainly never experienced any homophobia.
It really does become very much a seamless part of who you are (as it should be!). I find that I don't really look for excuses to tell people, but it's hard not to mention it if it's a logical part of a conversation. I have to check myself in my small town, because I'm holding back for my wife's benefit, but her reactions over the past weeks are making that seem less and less of an issue (and it certainly won't be in the long run, since I'm working on some plans to give her some financial stability while we split). And I'm pretty open with people at work, and most of them know about my guy and even ask about him from time to time. (Most recently, asking if I gave him the flu I was down with, or if I had gotten it from HIM!) Being gay used to feel like a great burden that I was carrying, that I couldn't share with anyone. Now it's becoming a casual, comfortable part of who I am. I like it.
Richie, you and everyone else here at EC have been so inspirational to me these past 3 months (today is 3 months since my first post); I never thought back at the end of January that 3 months later I'd be out of the closet, getting divorced, and have a boyfriend (yes he gave me the flu, and no I don't mind at all... completely worth it! ) Everyone has to go at their own pace and in their own way. Some of us hold back at work, others tell anyone and everyone, and some fall somewhere in between. The important thing is being honest with yourself and the people closest to you in your life. Everything else will fall into place as it should over time. The more you talk about it the less of an issue for you it becomes. Like others said before, the people who don't accept you aren't really friends to begin with.
Richie, I'll just echo what others have said... You have come so far in a short time. You should be proud. I've been in therapy for 3 months, and feel like my process is a lot like yours. I still hesitate for a moment before saying "I'm gay," but it's only a moment. I'm meeting other gay men, and have some genuine male friends for the first time since high school. My wife and I have removed our wedding bands. We're slowly cleaning out the house, and my move-out date has moved up from next January to this September, but I'm hoping for July. I have a realtor's name to follow up with, and will begin looking at condos in an affordable area in the next week or so. The boundaries around my interactions with my wife are getting firmer, and (at least for now) she's dealing with the situation more rationally. So I have hope, too. And I have to echo everyone here... As each of us tells the others on EC that they have served as inspirations to us, provided wise advice to us, and supported us at the worst of the times, we come to realize that we are all just that for one another. This is an incredible place, populated by amazing people!(*hug*)
