Hi everyone! I'm a 41 year old male, married. Been questioning for a long time, not sure why I thought I'd gotten a definitive answer, but here I am! Ahh, hindsight is 20/20, right?
It's fine to go slow and get answers when you are ready for them. There are times when being open or out is not a good idea. Then there are those times when it's important to look at things clearly and face yourself, even if only yourself. Hope you find this place useful and enjoyable.
Hey CyclingFan, welcome to EC! There may never be a definitive answer, but a good enough answer can move things forward for you, and you will no doubt pick up some valuable insights along the way. You came to the right place!
Hi Cycling fan (me too), If you want a definitive answer, watch Jeopardy. If you want questions, you came to the right place. Tell us what is bothering you. Your status says "not out at all". Do you mean no one knows you are questioning, or do you already know the answer to that question and just want to talk about it to make sense of what you are feeling? That's where we may be able to help. Or do you just want to know what the best training tire is for your road bike?
No one knows I'm questioning. Not that I haven't been doing that since I was a teenager, but I've really come to accept at least that. Getting there has been tough. I'm not looking for definitive answers from this forum, cause I know I'm the only one who can really determine that. Nice to have a place where I can say it. Maybe I'm using the terminology wrong or maybe I'm not exactly "questioning" cause if I were not married I'd be seeking out some more direct answers. Hmm, I've never exactly expressed it that way, and maybe that's my answer. I am definitely attracted to both men and women. I guess I'm coming to terms with that and what it will mean for my existing relationships. Just saying what I want, or even being honest with myself about what I want has been a struggle, especially with attraction to same gender. Goes against so much of the "programming" of the culture and family I grew up in. My current set are vittoria zaffiros. Pretty good for the price, and the blue ones match the accents on my current bike. Was supposed to do my first century this Sunday but missed a ton of training miles this month due to injury.
This is certainly the right part of the forum for where you are. There are quite a few of us here who are beyond the questioning stage, and some who have acted upon their realization. I understand how you were conditioned to think of yourself as straight, because I was too, all my life, so that is the way I acted and lived my life. All my examples and role models were straight, married, and monogamous. I never seriously questioned that that was the way I was going to live my life and have. But, I know now that I never was straight, never will be, but probably will not deviate much from how I am living because I am just too close to the end of my life to reprogram and start over. I am presumably out to a number of gay men I meet with casually at the local gay-straight alliance dinners, although the ones who know me better know I am married and not looking for a sexual interaction with them, only a better understanding of myself and some friends I can be frank and casual with about my sexuality. I am just a sort of leftover relic from the Cold War on homosexuals of the previous century. Times are different now, and you are younger than me. You have time to start over and align yourself with your true sexuality, whatever that is. If you want to hear some of the ins and outs of that process, you have come to the right place. Or if you aren't yet sure where you are, and just want to talk about it to help you figure it out, there are some very nice people here who will try and help. Either way, welcome to the forum. Oh, by the way, I think that Vittoria Rubino Pros are the best training tire around, and a bit more puncture resistant and free rolling than the Zaffiros, but that is just my opinion based on some very good results using them.
Well that was an interesting brunch with my wife. Super hot waiter. And he must have had something fly into his eye at just the right time cause I don't know why he would have winked at lil ol me. I might be kicking this door down sooner rather than later. Therapist appt next week, glad I can come here. Even if I don't have anything to say, I like reading other peoples stories so I know I'm not the only one who's navigated this.
Well, just had my first appointment with my therapist regarding this. We'd worked together before for some other issues. I'm now out to me and out to my therapist. And it feels great.
Hi CyclingFan, welcome to EC. I too realised later in life that I’m gay and found this web site a great resource that helped me sort things out, realise I was not the only one, and eventually come out to my understanding wife after only 4 months of joining. I know exactly the feeling of coming out to your therapist and the weight that starts to lift from your shoulders so congratulations in taking this first step. So since you’re out to the therapist and to all of us on EC why not change your out status in your profile to something like “All on EC & therapist” then every time you are on here you will get a little boost of self-affirmation to help you take the first tentative steps to finding the real you. Sale Gay Guy
A grand idea! ---------- Post added 6th May 2014 at 06:27 AM ---------- That phrase "weight off your shoulders" is funny cause it feels so literal. I, like a lot of people, do carry my stress around my upper back/shoulders. Over the last few years, I've been trying to "let go" of all sorts of stuff that I'm tired of carrying around all the time. It feels a little strange just how much better my posture and lessened back pain I've got. I've had a "bad back" since I was like 18, and it's fascinating how much better, physically, I feel by telling the truth about some stuff. Even things that I didn't know were true when I started. Apparently, I've been running away from really hot sex and less pain in my body. I'll have to check off "poor decision making" in my report card.
