Hi All, I've never posted on a forum before. I'm mid thirties and have been married for 14 years with two children. My marriage isn't great. He's a good man and I love him but I'm not IN love with him if you know what I mean. On and off during our marriage I've fancied other men but never actually taken up any offers of affairs. Getting to the point - Lol! Recently in work a new female boss started and I liked her straight away. She is a very funny, confident and bright woman. I probably wouldn't say that she's massively good looking but looks have never been something that I've looked for in a person. At first I tried to bond with her to make our working relationship run smooth but over time I found myself thinking more and more about her. The more I liked her the more attracted to her I became. I have never felt like this about another woman. I think of kissing her all the time and would love nothing more than to know she likes me too. I fantasise about spending time alone together but strangely I don't think of her sexually. I mean I'd love to kiss her and hold her and be romantic together even being naked together but not doing anything else. I'm not sure if this is because I'm new to this or because I'm just confusing my feelings and am not that way inclined. She is in a long term relationship with another woman who she also lives with. She is an extremely private person and only I know that she is gay because we live near each other. I have asked her out for coffee through text a number of times but she either declines or just ignores the message. Recently she accepted but then cancelled on the morning. This would suggest that she doesn't have feelings for me. However, when we are together I seem to feel an attraction. She takes the mick out of me all of the time and there is a lot of banter. She seems to gravitate towards me and a few others have commented on how well we get on. I try to touch her arm or hand whenever I can and she never pulls away. I use a little pet name for her and she has never told me not to. I'm so scared because 1) I've hinted a lot about liking her and I have no idea if she likes me back. 2) She is my boss! 3) Neither of us could offer the other person anything because of our partners so it could only ever be an affair which I must admit I know I would do this time - for her 4) I'm not sure if anything did happen that I could actually please her sexually. BUT - I cant stop thinking about how much I want to kiss her and to be with her. Can anyone help with my confused thoughts? Does she like me? What should I do??
Two things I thought of right away. 1) She is your boss and does not want to get involved with a co-worker. Then the very important issue at hand is 2) you are BOTH in relationships. For me alone that is a big turn off. I would never want to hurt my partner whether we were getting along or not, and she probably doesn't want to hurt your partner either. So with that being said it is okay for you to look, fantasize about her but touching or getting involved is not the right thing to do. You also said she is a bright individual so that should tell you right there that she knows she is off limits to you and you are off limits to her. What should you do? I would say go about yourself in a professional manner and leave what you may feel at the door when you go to work. Not good to mix business with pleasure just setting yourself up for failure. Good luck to you....
There are two things that you can do here and they would both have consequences. Technically there are 3 options for you do you, but one is just incredibly mean, heart-breaking and rude. 1. Cheat on your husband. Doing this would be the worst thing you could do. You would hurt him, your kids, your boss, and your boss's partner. I recommend not to do this. 2. Tell your husband about your attraction. Doing this would give you a chance to talk things out, and he might be able to understand. But he could also want a divorce. 3. Forget about your boss. This is probably just a crush, so do you really want to ruin the happy family you have now for the possibility of you two? I would stay with your husband and live out your life happily, but you are free to do whatever you want to do. Choose wisely.
