I have found out my partner of 8 years has been watching a lot of gay porn A few months ago.he was becoming very agitated when I used to pick his phone up so I became a little suspicious.this is the first time he has had access to a mobile phone with internet so I was shocked at his first preferences.He also started working away in the mines so I guess he has the privacy. I tried talking to him about this as best I could, I told him I'm ok with this and I'll support Him 100% without trying to label him as I understand this is a very touchy topic. Though he cut me off very quickly got angry and denied it. He is still watching it and I have so many question but no one to talk to about this. How do I approach Him in a sensative way so he can feel safe talking to me? I think my biggest fear is him withdrawal from me as I have already noticed he is very down at the moment and also a very big fear is for us to break up. If he is gay it will be inevitable sadly but if he is bi I know we can stay together. We have been friends since we were 13 and have 3 children together so we are quite Close, and I know we love each other dearly. And another fear is him going out of our partnership for sexual needs male or female. Do you think this maybe inevitable also?.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! You've come to the right place. There are many of us here who can relate to what your husband *might* be going through. (Only he knows for sure what he is going through.) If your husband is using gay porn, there is likely a same sex attraction that he has recently developed or has perhaps been fighting for many years. Given that he is in a heterosexual relationship with you and has 3 children, he won't feel free to express this attraction openly - he isn't supposed to given his circumstances. Yet he has the attraction anyway - which can be tormenting. (I know - I have been there.) Having talked to him about this has left him feeling very exposed. Up until now he thought this was his secret - and now you know. It is the shame and guilt about it that has caused him to be angry. It could be that he is just using porn. It could be that he is already cheating with other men. I'm ashamed to say that I did that as well. It started out with just porn. But then it became chat rooms, phone sex, cyber sex, and eventually meeting other men for sex. The challenge here is - you can't control him. You can only set boundaries for yourself. And you have to be prepared for the worst - that your marriage isn't going to last and that the eventual result might be divorce. I think you will need to make it clear to him that you are feeling insecure and lonely in your relationship - and you are scared that he might be cheating on you. You don't want to be experiencing those feelings (insecure, lonely, fear) and you want to work with him to understand what is going on, and where your relationship is going. Perhaps couples counselling would be helpful. This could be a very painful period of your life, but it may be something that you can't avoid. In fact, you might need to go through this in order to get to a point where you can truly be happy. My wife and I eventually divorced, and it was the right thing for us to do. Whe have both remarried and are living good lives. Our 2 daughters have adjusted to this and also seem to be doing fine. I hope this helped. Others will also have an opinion. If you have any questions, please let me know. Good luck. And again - welcome!
