Hi all, Been quiet for a few weeks. Lots going on in my family… son and girlfriend moved back in temporarily, mother-in -law fell and broke hip, lots of work travel for me. And then, yesterday was Mother's day…as we celebrated as 'nice little family'. I can't seem to muster the courage to talk to my wife about what is growing in me in my desire to be with a man. How do I ever gather enough courage to march into the guilt I think I will feel of doing this to her and my family? Yet again I sat in my therapist's office last week crying most of the time. At the end I said I was going to try and put everything back in the box and go back to my 'nice little family life'….. except that I'm in agony. Help...
Hi, its never easy coming out to anyone. but maybe this will make it a bit easier for you, many times when you are in a relationship for a long time which you mention you have kids and you want to tell you wife I am assuming you have been together a while, most times after this many years your partner knows how your feeling and if something is bothering you and how you feel. she may be just ignoring it thinking that you are going in a phase or that its ok and she can handle it. She may already suspect what your are going through. to give yourself a bit more courage and to help you feel better and build your own self esteem it may be easier to slowly tell her, hint things example, that you like the show will and grace. that the gay lawyer is a strong man for being able to openly express how he feels openly.. sometimes saying the little things first helps others to understand and suspect things without it being all bang and out there.. and it will also help with your own courage as you will feel some relief in setting out a walkway so to speak on making it easier for yourself and your family.
I certainly understand the desire to go back inside. I am finding courage one day and terror the next. I don't want to start over either, but I realize that my life is speaking to me and I have to find a way to find an open caring relationship with a man. If I do not, my sexual appetite is going to keep leaking out and then I feel guilt and shame. I am committed to breaking this cycle. I am still working with a spiritual director to get grounded and deal with my pain, shame and self hatred. Once I have worked through some of this, I plan on fully coming out with my wife. This will be so hard. I wish you courage, strength and clarity. Live free my friend.
