Personality and age of realization: a nonscientific study

I am very similar, and I had a religious upbringing to boot. I am coming out now....at 28 (and married with kids). Even still, the scariest thing to me and the biggest reason I doubt the wisdom of coming out to family is because I have a VERY hard time with the prospect of losing my beautiful and "normal" family unit. I'm a bit artistic and enjoy carving my own path in very small ways, but NOT in big ways like this.

I watch other straight parents and think of how nice it would be to find all of my home and happiness in what I am living right now. Instead, I have to choose between feeling at home within myself (which includes me being gay) or settling for home within familial relationships only but feeling discontent within myself.

I guess I fit your theory.

 

I'm only now really accepting that I'm "not straight" and I'm 30, though I have had inklings and questionings in the past that I chose not to deal with. I would say I am more of an individualist, however not in the leadership sense, more in the fact that I prefer to do my own thing and go my own way. One would think those qualities would make it easier to come out, and maybe in some cases that is the case, but for me I think there were other factors at play aside from those traits that have gotten in the way. I will say that feeling "different" most of my life for one reason or another, I feel, has contributed to my more individualist attitude, however.

 

I am 31 and just starting to come out. I would say I'm definitely a leader and a fairly type A. Honestly I think I spent so much time focused on my career that I didn't pay attention to my social life until I had reached a point professionally that I had a normal work schedule.

 

I came out last year and I'd say I get thrown into leadership roles because I'm reliable, not becuase I'm a leader type.

 

I think it's more complex than classifying people like that. I've always had self esteem issues and low confidence throughout my life but that is because I was made to feel bad about myself and internalised it. This resulted in doing things in an attempt to be liked or fit in. Changing my personality, suppressing things etc. these were in effect learned survival traits. Fundamentally my personality has always been very individualistic and I've no problems taking leadership roles. I've always tried to be true to myself... Funny how I never was in such a major area.

 

I fit your theory... came out late and not a natural leader, although I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone into leadership roles. I'm pretty convinced that the shame and pain of living in the closet so long has made me less assertive and outgoing than I'd otherwise be. It just makes logical sense.

 

Well, I "came out" to myself back when I was around 17-18. I mean, I realized I was gay at that point even if I didn't really want to admit it to anyone. By 22-ish, I fully accepted myself as gay. I came out to a gay best friend around 25 and then finally another best friend (straight) at 28 (just a few weeks ago). So it's kind of been a very long process with me, lol. I was raised in a very religious environment which is part of the reason why it has taken me so long.

 

I just came out to my best friend. Tho I never officially came out... more like I stopped hiding. It started 2 or 3 years ago. I knew I was attracted to boys in my whole life and accepted I am gay at 15.

I probably came out as Gaymer before that thinking I am with my game buddies for 10 or more years and they knew real me all along.

No one else knows that I am gay yet.

For your theory, I am more leaning toward leadership roles... Heck. Who I am kidding? I am the worst follower anyone can have. I usually the guy who says "My way or high way".

I would came out to everyone without worries in a heart beat but there is mother. I choose to hide because don't want to hurt her feelings or leave her in an uncomfortable situation in society. Others in family, friends circle, people in work or society can go to hell if they don't like me.

Yeah I am a leader and the situation I am in demands a sacrifice. So it will be me. I choose to be the victim for higher good. People may agree or disagree with this but I am living my life not them.

So here is your answer.

PS: You must take reasoning of people into consideration as well. We, humans are very unique creatures so generalizations usually ain't work. This is why I don't believe much in science which base their study on generalizing people.... I love those studies but not very dependable.

 

I've always been what you might consider a "reluctant leader". I never had a lot of self-confidence and really just wanted to fit in and fly under the radar without making any waves, but my life has never really worked out that way. Over and over, I've ended up taking charge of things. For example, in my 20's, I stepped in to help out as a musician at church after the unexpected death of an organist, and ended up within a couple years being the de facto music director despite having no training whatsoever, and did it for 10 years. I was the primary caretaker for my dad as his health declined over many years, and did things I never would have imagined doing, simply because they had to be done. And I eventually became a manager at work, not because it was a career path I chose, but because someone was needed in that role and I was already doing a lot of the work anyhow.

That probably fits in well with the fact that I didn't come out until after 50, even though I had toyed with the idea 25-30 years ago. I really just wanted to be an average guy, married with kids, totally unremarkable. I had a religious upbringing, but it wasn't as much anti-gay as it was anti-single. EVERYONE got married and had kids, and being gay seemed like something very out of the ordinary and somewhat threatening to someone who just wanted to fit in.

But in the last several years, things have happened that caused my level of confidence to increase, and I began to realize that I've really never "flown under the radar" despite wanting to. I finally accepted the fact that I really had a lot more strength and leadership in me than I thought I had. Finally admitting to myself that I was gay tied in with that very closely. It was always there, and I just had to stop telling myself I wanted to be like everyone else.

 

I'm 34 and I am just starting to accept myself, have not tried to come out yet.

I would say I am decisive, submissive, leader.

I hate indecision and in any social situation that lacks a clear decision maker, I will step up quickly. However, if another leader is present than I have no problem submitting to their decisions. And my leadership style is to lead by example. If you want people to go a certain direction i find its best to walk that way first.

Personally, I have no Idea why I am a later in life Bi-trans*. I feel like I had every reason to find myself earlier in life. I come from a loving, liberal family. I have other out and proud members in my family. So not really sure why I repressed myself when I was young.

 

I have always been a follower. My self esteem is pretty low...I first came out to a friend when I was 14. I had to, it was tearing me up inside. I made the huge mistake of coming out to my parents when I was 15. Their reaction was so bad I went back in the closet after high school.

 

I'm somewhere in the middle. I tend to pick things up if no one is stepping up, so in that sense I have leadership tendencies. I don't like to be the center of attention at all.

Being able to question has come about with much greater societal acceptance of LGBT people. I was born and raised in a comparatively accepting region of the US with a completely non-religious upbringing.

 

I came out to people at 17.
I think it depends which people are around me. Currently I've got a very dominant friend that has to take charge responsibility in everything. I would like to be a leader sometimes but I can't put through dominant people.

 

I knew I was gay since age 11 but I never came out until age 26.

I don't think I'm a leader, I just do my own thing.