Ok, just had a very good chat with my therapist about possible approaches with my wife. Which makes me wonder if this is all real, if that makes sense? I think others have mentioned this as part of the process?
I don't know if it's part of the process, but I think I know what you mean and I'm going through it myself.
I'm thinking perhaps a feeling of "impending reality"? Lol. Feeling real close to telling her. I dunno, maybe part of 'bargaining'? Like, no wait, I'm not that gay despite how much better I feel when I allow myself to feel that I am. ---------- Post added 13th May 2014 at 04:26 PM ---------- Actually, that does make sense. Once I tell her, who knows what might happen?
It's probably fear of the actual reprecussions of telling her. Once you tell her there is no going back. But there is going forward, and it sounds like forwards in your situation is better than what you're leaving behind! She might be mad. She might be glad. She might be shocked. She might have known all along. She will probably feel relieved.
I know the feeling too. Even when I think about how much more attracted I am to men and how much more I can emotionally connect with men, I find myself also asking am I really "that gay". I think everyone is spot on... it is impending reality... fear of repercussions... the result of a lifetime of convincing yourself you aren't gay. Good luck when you finally do it! I am hoping to come out to a few more friends over the next few days.
It's a rough thing, having to tell someone you've shared so much of your life with. I mean, it's a bummer no matter how much I think it needs to happen.
Yep once you tell her them words they can't be undone.. It's daunting.. But it's better than the alternative.
That's what I'm coming to accept, Richie. This has asserted itself so quickly, that I'm feeling a little whipsawed. And now standing on the edge, waiting to take that plunge. ---------- Post added 14th May 2014 at 08:06 AM ---------- I'll mix in some more metaphors later.
Dear Cycling Fan, I have been reading your journey tonight. Your journey is so much like mine. I am really working on listening to all of my parts right now and I have finally come out to myself and a counselor. This is huge and scary and terrifying. I am 100% certain of my "gayness" one moment and then only 75% sure the next. I have an added layer that my whole live has been wrapped around a church family that is not accepting of homosexuality. All of my friends and work associates are in this "camp." But I have come to understand that I was created this way and I have known it at some level since my 20's, but I have been running from it, hiding it, condemning it, and believing that I was just a sex addict. I am living a tortured existence and I am no longer willing to live this way. But there are so many ramifications for coming out at my age. Thank you for sharing your journey.
