Hi there I hope everybody is having a good day or night so far I've never posted in this topic/category before on this site so I guess just to explain myself I'm posting here to get some "reassurance" and help figure myself out as these past few months have been a bit difficult for me and I guess I'd like to find people with similar experiences to mine. I had a gay experience at 13 which I really enjoyed but sort of tried to put it behind me in the fear of being bullied and then 15 is when I got my first feelings for a girl and came out to myself and realized I'm gay. Before all of this though I do remember having crushes on boys, a few sexual here and there. Now, I don't really have any of those feelings anymore and don't really care as much for them. I'm always wondering if there are people who realized in "later life" whether it be late teens or late adult years and had NO IDEA until they developed feelings for the same sex or some other event/thought crossed their mind or whatever because I'm always asking around and find that a large amount of people always say things such as knowing in early childhood or puberty or " knowing they were different" or being able to look back and find events that they can in retrospect think of as indicators for their sexuality but I really don't have any of that other than when I was 13 and this whole year just being interested in girls. I never had any of that which makes me insecure and at times feel very isolated from the community and it does at times hurt my feelings although it's really a massively stupid thing to get your feelings hurt over, I can admit that at times. I'm just wondering so again hope everyone is having or had a great day :smilewave
I wouldn't consider 13 to be a "late bloomer" at all. People hit puberty at different times and start getting crushes and developing sexual attractions at different times, as well. I'm only now starting to face and accept my sexuality, though there have been different points in my life where I questioned, and ended up just pushing it under the rug. I was honestly really clueless about these things when I was younger, and I guess there are a few things I can look back on in retrospect, as you've mentioned, and realize they were probably indicators, but none of them go back earlier than age 11 or 12. In a vaguer sense I have always felt "different" from other people, but I think that's because of mental health issues rather than sexuality, though sexuality could probably be contributing, I suppose. Anyway, my point is, I don't think you need to feel less than anyone else here just because you didn't recognize your sexuality when you were a child. There are plenty of us who are figuring it out much later, even, and I wouldn't consider that to mean we are any less part of the LGBT community than those who knew it since they were 13, or 10, or 5.
I didn't actually realize it until about 15 or 16, that I could be gay. I think most of us who come out later in life look back on their lives and see all these 'pink' flags. It is always easier to see things after the fact and difficult to see it while you are in it.
You guys have no idea how lucky you are to have figured this out in your teens. I just turned 50 and finally realized that the last 4 people I've been attracted to were all women so no this is not a fluke. Duh. I'd give anything to be younger but that's the way it is.
I definitely questioned a few times but then wound up assuming those were normal thoughts and continued pursuing things with guys.
I didn't have any thoughts about my sexuality until I was about 21, but when I began to finally think about things now I realized I actually had feelings for the same sex when i was around 11. Those feelings scared me so much that I suppressed them for years and tried to convince myself I was straight. Well needless to say the feeling suppressing stopped working and I'm quite "glaad" about it.
I accepted that I am gay while I was 15 when I first fall in love with a boy. I started to "play" around with boys at age of 7 or 8. Trying to remember earlier than this my one of my first memories are about getting a boner while sleeping in Dad's bed. 'Till age of 15 I thought my interest in boys is something temporary, it will fade when I grow up. So had some fake interest in girls. In our society it is harder to get physical with girls so I never got into physical stuff. I cared and maybe "crushed" on those girls. Until falling for a boy first time I would think that fake crushes as love. Knowing both I can compare that two feelings now. Feelings I had for those ladies were hollow. Probably love means more when you say "I love this book" than my fake feelings. With that boy or boys I met after, love was something stronger. It was an inferno scorching inside. Painfull yet nothing makes you feel more alive. It energize you soo much that you feel like you can take on anything and everything. When they gone part of you die... seriously. After every serious stuff my body came up with a physical ailment of sorts. In the end I followed my heart. I can only advice everyone to do the same. Your heart will tell you where you stand in life.
