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The Power of Belief

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by greatwhale, May 13, 2014.

  1. greatwhale

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    Greeting folks,

    Have you ever found yourself asking the question, when encountering one of those odd-looking couples; you know, the ones where one or both are rather plain, or have some less-than-attractive attribute; asking the question: "What do they see in each other?". Moreover, have you ever wondered what an old loving couple see in each other when all you see are misshapen bodies, sagging jowls and over-large ears?

    It turns out, thanks to some interesting neurological science, that what we casual observers "see" in that couple is entirely different from what they "see" in each other. A psychology professor at Yale University, Paul Bloom, has some interesting insights into why we like what we like, or the science of what gives us pleasure:

    Why do we like what we like? | Yale Insights

    It turns out that what we believe to be the essence of something will greatly affect our perception of its value. It's why when a product comes with a story (like those rich coffee beans from the misty mountains of Colombia) we tend to value it as more authentic and hence possessing of more quality.

    The movie from the 50's entitled Marty, starring Earnest Borgnine and Betsy Blair, is the story of an ordinary looking guy and how he falls in love with an ordinary looking woman.

    [YOUTUBE]k4lpdP7uKeA[/YOUTUBE]

    What's amazing about this movie is that, as the story progresses, and you get to know the characters more deeply, their plain-ness somehow disappears in your own eyes, just as it disappears between the characters. Love ensues, despite all the odds against it.

    I've often wondered why the Bible makes use of the euphemism for having sex with someone as "to know" someone. The Bible never minces words, usually, but here, "knowing" is used to connote sex and intimacy. Why?

    What is so special about knowing someone? Well...it's the foundation of love.

    To know someone is to see some good quality in them that inspires that love. Time passes and something that your love does astounds you...What was once "seen": an indistinct face, or perhaps even somewhat ugly if looked at a certain way, is seen by the lover who sees these qualities (perceiving e.g. kindness) as somehow more attractive. The MRI scans fire up all the areas associated with intense pleasure when they see their love. They literally do not see the same face as a stranger would.

    Such is the power of belief, and why I harp on this observation often: it's not "seeing is believing", it's rather the reverse, you need to believe something about someone, something authentic about their essence, before you can really "see" someone. Belief is also the reason so many of us stayed in the closet for far too long, we could not conceive of ourselves as anything less than straight. Only in retrospect can we see what we missed before...it is both enlightening and heartbreaking...

    Next time you hesitate to introduce yourself to someone because they aren't quite fashion-plate models, give that person a chance, he or she might surprise you and may actually change appearance before your very (treacherous) eyes!
     
  2. BMC77

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    I've already told this story here, I think, but it may be worth repeating...

    Years back, I (casually) knew a woman who had been involved with a study that looked into the earth shaking question of whether women in bars become more beautiful in the eyes of (straight) men the closer it comes to closing. Or some such thing. They found the answer was yes. Reason? As the evening went past, men would talk more to those women. And thus, presumably, get past surface appearances.
     
  3. wanderinggirl

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    BMC77: that or they get drunker.
     
  4. looking for me

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    them's called beer goggles.:roflmao:
     
  5. greatwhale

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    :roflmao: ...or desperation!
     
  6. This kind of idea branches out past romantic relationships as well, I believe.

    I think that lots of people tend to like people we know and we are more ready to dislike people we don't. This is why I've had friends who really didn't like gay people in general but I was "okay" to them because they said "you're different than them" (not very good friends, I might add. no longer around in my life)
     
  7. greatwhale

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    It could even save lives.

    There's a story of a dignified Jewish gentleman in Germany who, before the Nazi era would always pleasantly greet a local police officer. When the Jew was in the concentration camps and the police officer was one of those in charge there, he recognized the kind gentleman who greeted him, and decided to protect him for the duration of internment (the obvious lesson is, be kind to as many people as possible, you never know!).

    When for ideological reasons we (whether Jews, blacks, LGBT, you name it) are "other-ed", when we are made separate and unequal, we are dehumanized and turned into caricatures. This is the exact opposite of love, the very antithesis of knowing someone.