I sent my husband THE email today....he and I have often communicated through email (in case sending an email sounds impersonal) because I get emotional and can't get my thoughts together... here is most of it below: **We need to talk. I know I've been impossible to live with lately. I hate that we are walking around the house like strangers, when we do talk it often turns into fighting. I know you want me to talk and I want to talk. I'm just afraid of what I'll say. I'm writing this mostly because I want to organize my thoughts to you instead of rambling and getting emotional. My biggest fear is hurting you. I'm sorry. I need something different. The stay at home mom & wife thing doesn't fit me. My whole life it's all I ever wanted...and it isn't' right for me. Getting a job was/is a great thing for me. I need independence. You haven't done anything wrong. I don't want little arguments to become huge fights in large part because I'm so mad at myself for not sharing this with you sooner. I have started having feelings for girls. It's not some deep dark secret I've kept from you...but from myself. In hindsight I can remember making decisions solely based on trying not to look like a lesbian (buying a car or clothes or whatever). It's not a life I wanted or went out looking for, but if I think back over the years, things or events that didn't make sense to me, now they do. ** then I went on to say i'll move out so our kids won't be moved out of the school district (I can't afford the house on my own anyway, he can) and when he's ready to see a lawyer to let me know....etc... now I'm scared of his response....I was trying not to sound ambiguous (which can happen when I try to talk to him about this) so is my point getting across? :icon_sad:
Mustang92- Proud of you. (*hug*) My only advice is do not move out until you have consulted a lawyer. Moving out of the house before legal things are worked out can make things more complicated..especially if you have children. Sometimes things get unexpectedly ugly as I learned in my divorce. Many lawyers have free 1/2 hour consults.
that's good to know, thankyou! I'm strangely relieved right now, to have said IT...to have said anything really.... I know i'll get anxious again later when we both get home from work...
It's a roller coaster ride of emotions for a while. Don't forget to breathe. And it's ok to feel happy in the middle of all this. Coming out is very freeing but guilt, sadness and anxiety over the future can be overwhelming too. Take care of yourself.
Omg...congratulations ...I am still working on that part of my life. I know I need to let him know, but I'm just not ready yet, but I'm still working on it. Again congrats to you.
Oh God. That mail is so sad... heart-breaking. I am in tears now. You expressed your regret, feelings and hurt wonderfully. Hopefully your husband will understand that as well. May God give you strength and watch over you on days to come. Hugs.
Thanks for all of your support. It means more than I could ever say. Last night was very quiet, he didn't come home until almost 9, and we didn't speak at all... Still no talking this morning, I'm not going to force any conversations... He can't be totally surprised at this news, he knows I had an affair last summer with a woman... I'd guess he's more shocked that I actually said 'I want to divorce' than anything. In due time I suppose.
After what seemed like endless hours of thinking about this situation and discussing with my husband...I went out and bought a place to live (cheaper to buy than rent where I live). My kids were devestated the first few days, once I moved in and got their rooms set up they are kinda excited about having a 2nd everything. My ex (not legally, yet) has come around and is nicer and sweeter than I can remember in past years. Honestly the first few days /weeks all I could think was "what the hell am I doing... I'm ruining my kids lives" but in the weeks since each day has gotten easier. I've found a great group of lesbian friends , who even though I've only known them a short time, I know they will go to the end of the earth for me - that's also something very new for me -to have close friends I can count on. I'm actually getting really excited about meeting new people -having new relationships - as I've only ever been with 1 girl I feel kinda like the 40-year old virgin lol. Anyway, thanks so much to everyone on this forum who encourages, supports and shares their stories. It is amazing to know I'm not alone on this journey.
Your story is beautiful and an encouragement to all of us who suffer in silence. Congratulations! You did it. And trust me, a happy mother makes happy children. Best wishes.
If it helps, your story helps me. I am currently still residing with my ex after 4 months since that night I told him and am having a hard time getting things together enough to move out. A notion that he is fighting tooth and nail. I don't push myself because I feel selfish for wanting something else. He is my best friend and I don't want to lose that so I'm not really pushing myself to go out and get a job and move out. Your story is an inspiration that there could be a happy ending out there for me, too. Thank you for sharing.
