I'm in my early 30s, been wimpishly trying to come out to my parents for over 10 years, then last year really bit the bullet and basically said "no, this really isn't in my head as an idea, I really want to do something about this". Parents fairly conservative Christians, but say they want me to be happy. It helps I have their blessing. So off I go, join a few dating sites, 6 months later of dating various people, I am now very happy in a new relationship with a woman. Everything feels right at last. Talking to mother the other night, she has something about new relationship she wants to discuss but won't do it over the phone. This translates as "what I'm going to say, you're not going to be happy about" , so to avoid an argument 450miles apart, she sweeps it under the carpet. We won't see each other for over a month, and despite my attempts to get everything in the open, she won't discuss it. My gut feeling, is that the reality of my non-straight feelings is becoming a bit scary for my mother. I want to have a good relationship with my parents which I mostly do have. But, how do I navigate this sensitively without my same sex feelings and relationship being undermined by her?
Are you dating your mother? Perhaps that sounds like a stupid question, and quite frankly you're right. It IS a stupid sounding question.But I ask it for a good reason. Your mother can't 'undermine' your relationship. She can disapprove and she can complain but she can't do anything to it. Usually I prefer to tell people not to assume they know what someone is going to say, but I'll admit in this case I'm having a hard time imagining what the hell else it could be! So that being the case, use the time to remind yourself that there is nothing WRONG with your relationship, and that you have no reason to alter it in any way just because your parents don't like it. All you owe them is to be happy with your life, happy on YOUR terms, not theirs. Also, while I'm thinking about it. I realise you want to be sensitive and that's great, BUT only be as sensitive as she is being. If she thunders out that you're going to hell don't sheepishly sit there and take it.
I've found that older Christian parents don't acknowledge fully of their child's sexuality. My mum is okay with it and likes my partner, but doesn't feel comfortable with the behind the scenes stuff. My partners parents ignore the fact shes gay and they practically ignore me. Phone up your mum and ask to have that conversation as it's bugging you!
