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Lesbians in straight marriages...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by TurtleCat, May 19, 2014.

  1. TurtleCat

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    Lesbians in straight marriages... what was your experience, and how did you realize you were lesbian despite being married to a man?

    I'm a woman married to a man, and I identify as bisexual, since I figure I must be at least to some extent if I've been with a man and desired sex with him, and enjoyed it. But lately I've been having a lot of turmoil and confusion over my sexuality, and this overwhelming desire and fantasy to be with another woman romantically and sexually... I just wonder if a lot of this confusion and discontent wouldn't be solved by actually being with, and having a full-on relationship, with another woman.

    Now, in my circumstance, my husband actually has approved of me having relationships with other women, saying he didn't consider "a woman" to be cheating, and so I have seeked them out... But so far, my experiences have led me to a one-night stand that led to nothing more, and I'm still unsatisfied. I just don't know. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and we have a good life together. But I can't help but to feel like there's some intrinsic romantic and sexual desire in me that would be satisfied, by being with another woman. I just don't know.
     
  2. stocking

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    I was never in a straight marriage but from what I heard a lot was that some did not enjoy it at all, some said they did but felt like something was missing and when they slept with a woman felt complete and didn't desire sex with men anymore. Hope this helps
     
  3. TurtleCat

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    Well, I don't desire sex with men anymore, after being with a woman, it's all I can think about... I still have sex with my husband but it's not the same as before, all I can think about is being with a woman and how it compares. It's like, it still feels pretty good but lacks the emotional fulfillment. I don't know. I still like my husband don't get me wrong, but there's this desire to be with a woman. Like there's a part of me that's not complete, that's left unfulfilled. I don't know.

    I mean there's times with my husband where I definitely enjoyed it, even times when I was very turned on by the fact that I was with a man, and his whole physique... I don't know. I mean, maybe in my case it's that I truly am bisexual, but am at a point in life where I'm preferring and craving women. I just don't know.
     
    #3 TurtleCat, May 19, 2014
    Last edited: May 19, 2014
  4. stocking

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    I'm not sure what your orientation is but that does take some looking into,
     
  5. Sig

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    I have to start by saying I'm still personally overawed by all of this, but the more I read and realise, I identify. So, I have been twice married, and never considered I was anything other than straight. The little *weird* passing attraction to (very few) women, I thought was one of my little anomalies, and was quite frankly ashamed by it.
    I was never attracted sexually to my first husband, I didn't know one was supposed to be (we are talking 1970, here, and I was young and extremely naive). Sex was something you just did, hated, but well, that was marriage. He was not a particularly sexual being anyway so there was little problem. When that ended after 15 years (two children later), I met my second husband who became my best friend. I thought he was the most attractive man on the planet (and other women seemed to think so too) but I didn't feel sexually attracted to him either. He enjoyed sex, and I faked it well, but dreaded it. It lasted eight years. When both relationships ended we remained friends (although they have since moved on to other relationships, I haven't)
    The first sexual attraction I felt hit my like a brick, it was towards a woman, met in passing. I said nothing more than hello to her, but thirty years later could still describe her.
    I don't know if any of this answers you query, but hope it gives another insight.
    Wishing you well