How are Gay men different?

It would be too easy to say there are no differences, but the question pre-supposes that there are common, easily identifiable differences, and of that I am not sure.

Dare I say one should make distinctions between openly gay men and closeted men? In that case, there may be some commonalities of experience, and, by extension, a common attitude towards themselves and others that shows in their comportment.

As to what those differences are...braver people than me would venture into that minefield...

 

I don't think there are major differences other than stereotypes that I hear from straight girls: "They're nicer, they care about women's feelings more, they're more likely to withstand shopping with me, they won't yell at me when I want to complain".

Stereotypes. I've met straight men that were nice and cared a lot about women's feelings, and gay men who were total douchebags. And then there are straight men who are douchebags and gay men who care a lot, but It's more of an individual thing than a gay thing.

I will admit that I prefer being friends with gay men over straight men though, and for me It's an obvious attraction thing. A gay man will never be attracted to me, so we can chill and just be good friends. With every straight male friend I've ever had he would either 1) Get really sexually aggressive and think he can conquer me eventually or 2) Develop a crush on me and won't take no for a answer; complain about being friend-zoned, etc. Not ALL straight guys are like this, but I think in our heteronormative society there's definitely more pressure that a man and a woman can't be just friends (which I don't believe at all) so the guy feels like he has to make a move eventually because of how he's been conditioned.

 

I think gay men are different in that they may be attracted to men and thus "try harder" to associate with other men, but I don't feel that there is anything about them that specifically attracts women in general, unless they are "hot".

 

If your question is how come women felt attracted and ended up in relationships with closeted gay (or some level of bi) men and what did they see in them, then I agree with fallingdown7, subconsciously or not there was less "pressure to get in bed" and some women likely prefer that. It starts looking like the guy respects them, their feelings, waits for the right time, is a gentleman etc... but really deep down it's a lack of attraction.

 

I guess most sterotypes are just probability.

To women, gay men must all seem nice because not a single one will be attracted to them, however, a straight man might and this may always be in the back of her mind.

 

Gay guys exist in an entire spectrum from "narcissistic jerk" to "heart of gold." It's impossible to generalize.

I do think that some women are drawn to gay men (closeted or not) because the pressure seems less intense. I'm fantastic at attracting women, and I fail at attracting men. It's probably because I'm relaxed and self-assured around women and straight men without any agendas. I'm more confident in those settings, so it does feel different.

 

Some straight women like some straight men want to screw what they can't have so they make up stuff like oh a gay man is different from a straight man to cover it up

 

Fine I'll be the one that goes out on the limb. I think gay men (and by that I principally mean gay men who have come out although to a lesser degree I think it would apply to all gay men in general) are different than straight men on average. I think this isn't inherent but socialized. I think it has to do with the experience of being left out of society, the resulting alienation, the experience of oppression (or the fear thereof) from those they are closest to and also from the experience of breaking through all that and building a life on your own terms substantially different from anything you or the people around you envisioned. I think out gay men, on average, are more empathetic, feel most things deeper, are less inhibited and prone to express themselves more openly, are in fact nicer and more open to issues of social justice. Obviously it is a spectrum and you will find people gay and straight everywhere on that spectrum, but in my experience out gay men as a statistical norm markedly tend to exist further toward the sides of the various spectra I have specified than do straight men.

 

Women can tell I'm gay immediately and will ask me if I'm gay or will tease me about it.

I think it's BS when people say straight women like gay men. That's not my experience.

Any friends I have that are women are lesbians.

Straight women have no use for a gay man.

 

Of course they're different, it's not just stereotypes. how can a group who universally lived a different early life be similar to people who haven't? Not going to say the differences are massive, but there definitely are some trends.

 

So, I know that I can't generalize but I will say that in general I think that I have better conversations with gay men. I also feel that they tend to be more understanding and just more sensitive in general. I also feel that they tend to be less obsessed with domination or "putting you in your place" so to speak...less competitive...easier to spend time with.

This is just what I've experienced so far. That's not to say that all the gay men I've met are like this and that no straight man is like this...but I'm just generalizing since that seems like the answer you're going for.

---------- Post added 24th May 2014 at 09:10 PM ----------

I agree.

 

For me, gay men (still hiding or not) are different. They have a common honesty……I don't really know what that means
Even the "bitchiness", that a friend assures me is "really bad", has a quality of its own.
Hmm, I don't think I just made much sense, but I know what I mean LOL.
Hope you do

 

I think there are quite a few differences based on people I've know across the years, gw. Some may be trite, but there's a kernel of truth at times. G/B men tend to be more reflective, it seems. They analyze their spheres better than some straight guys, some of which can be real boneheads. Not that G/B men aren't sometimes. I say this because of the contributions G/B men have made in some fields, among other things. Just look at the insightful posts on here. Would you ever see this kind of analysis among grunting straight guys going out for beer? Highly doubtful.

---------- Post added 25th May 2014 at 06:51 PM ----------

I do agree with you, for a change, that straight women don't have much use for gay men. For the straight woman to be into gay men, it's something in the collective psyche of a straight woman that shields her from some kind of exposure or threat she doesn't want ... and deep down, she knows it. A popular straight woman doesn't have time for gay men. Men are lining up for her, as is "so many men, so little time." And, if the gay guy is hot, and she finds out he's gay, or bi, she's gone in a heartbeat. That's why Hollywood can't have its leading men who have been marketed as straight, and convincingly appear to be, come out, even in 2014. They're not bankable. It's these same ladies who keep the box office pumping.

 

@Tight, there are several studies out there showing how a few gay men have brains more closely similar to that of straight women, or at least somewhere between that of straight men and straight women, as well as a few having more "feminine" facial features and speaking patterns, so there might be some truth to this. At the same time, I definitely think the experiences queer men go through in their coming out journey forces them challenge assumptions taken for granted by society at large, making them possibly more compassionate towards others.

Though I know a lot better than to paint all gay men as somehow superior to others simply due to their sexuality. I've seen far too many posts about how they're more intelligent, artistic, moral, etc. simply due to their orientation, and this reeks of prejudice mirrored in the straight community. A part of it might be feeling inadequate or insecure and wanting to have an advantage over the dominant group, perhaps.

Also, while there are plenty of straight women who joke about wanting to be in a relationship with a gay man, or being a gay man trapped in a woman's body, it's an entirely different situation to find yourself married to one. At once, it becomes obvious that there's a serious shift in perception once a boyfriend or husband is found out to be gay, or worse, not attracted to her at all. It seems women need to feel wanted on some level, and if it's not there, well, goodbye.

I've even heard a story of a non-stereotypical gay kid in high school, who, once a female acquaintance discovered he wouldn't gossip for hours with her, listen to problems, and give her relationship advice, found her openly homophobic and spiteful towards him, using terms like "faggot" whenever he'd walk by her group.

 

From my own personal experience – as Bi man, I am more honest with myself

 

I don't like to generalize everyone is unique

 

Very True

 

I am who I am. I can't tell where the woman in me starts and man ends.

I like how they shaped me tho'.