Why am I upset?

I think you can expect a fair deal of this pettiness, yes, designed to hurt...but the ultimate goal with all exes is indifference. If you maintain a relationship of acrimony, contempt or whatever, you are still maintaining a kind of relationship!

 

(*hug*) Oh Richie, I'm so sorry you are feeling upset today. How much do you know about her new relationship, this person could be someone who she is seeing casually and may not mean much to her. But you have to expect her to go out and meet people, you are making a new life for yourself and she will to.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

Some of this is expected. Especially in situations where things are still a bit rocky. Best thing to do is rise above it and congratulate her on it. Being supportive is more likely to have her reciprocating being supportive...

 

It's hard isn't it? Even though we have moved on we still have this attachment to a past life. My husband has chosen someone 10 years younger than me and has kept her as friends on FB. I find it really difficult when he likes her posts etc. then I tell myself I don't want to be with him so it doesn't matter. It hurts though because I tried so hard in our marriage and he gave up at the site of a pretty face that showed an interest in him.
I get your pain but remember you are starting a new life and there is plenty of happiness ahead of you. (*hug*)

 

So sorry you're sad Richie. Things will get better. Hang in there, and know this is just another step on the way to a new life.

(*hug*)

 

Richie,

You have some understanding hearts pulling for you. I can see how confusing this transition period must be for you and for your ex. You are several months ahead of me, so I appreciate your sharing your pain.

Peace,

Josh (*hug*)

 

Just had a conversation last night about how we seem to be held to a completely different set of standards than our straight spouses. So often we have bent over backwards for years (decades in my case) to be the perfect spouse in an effort to compensate for the emotional closeness that we're just not capable of with an opposite-sex spouse. I allowed my wife free rein over the schedule of her activities and our lives, but the few times I wanted to do something and said so, I got endless comments about how inconvenient it was, and eventually just stopped doing anything. I ignored the constant flirting with guys (which wan't hard, really--some of them I would have been willing to flirt with too!), but endured accusations for years that I was fooling around. And I stood by her in everything, cleaned up her mistakes and made her look good, without getting much of anything in return except being seen as a straight husband.

Try not to let it get to you, Richie. The straight spouse/closeted spouse dynamic is not a healthy one on a lot of levels. I'd never discount the possibility of being friends after everything is completely over, but so far, the transition period has been schizophrenic and awkward in my house, and is 1000% about what she is feeling and suffering, and not at all about my 20 years of angst over trying to hide the fact that I was gay. I was very desperate when I first told her to stay close and develop a real friendship with her, but the last several months have made me wonder if it will even be worth it. If our marriage was about her leaning on me for all her emotional well-being and getting nothing in return, it seems more and more likely that this "friendship" that I hoped for would only be more of the same. It hurts in a way, like your ex's Facebook status update. But perhaps it's a reminder that a one-way friendship isn't a very close friendship after all. There are others who care about you much more. (*hug*)