The first people I came out to were a gay couple that I'm friends with. I did this about a month ago. They invited me to visit them in their city for Memorial Day Weekend- I am headed down for the night and basically the plan is to go to a gay bar then gay club. They are a very grounded and supportive couple that wouldn't push me into something and my take is- what the hell- might as well take the plunge and see what I think. However, now that I'm realizing these are my evening plans I am pretty nervous! I honestly haven't been that curious about the gay scene. I like going out and drinking as much as (or more than!) the next guy so it's not that. Just that I'm worried that I'll get there and I'll be uncomfortable or I'll hate it. I know it's a good step as far as feeling myself out and being 'myself', but I'm still getting comfortable with my sexuality. Does anyone care to share similar experiences?
It's kind of your friends to plan a night out for you. First, if it makes you really uncomfortable, just say so. Nobody would hold it against you if you said, "I'm not ready for this." Next, lots of straight people go to gay bars and clubs. Although bars are a bit extreme, most are just bars. And there are often people who are a bit uncomfortable being there. In other words, you won't be alone, but it's probably not going to be anything too overwhelming. If you go to the bar, and you feel like that was enough, go ahead and tell your friends that you can't really handle the club. It's okay. Any friends worth having will understand.
I had my first experience as an out gay guy at a gay party followed by a gay club just two weeks ago. I was really nervous going into it because the only person I knew at the party was a work colleague who I pulled into my office a week earlier to tell him I am gay. He is gay too, and I figured now is as good a time as any to start expanding my network of friends (i.e., more gay friends). He was very excited for me and invited me to a party he was having at his place. When he invited me, I asked him, "Will there be any girls there?" He immediately replied sharply, "No." Anyways, I was nervous. I fretted over what bottle of wine I should bring: are gay guys more particular about the kind of alcohol they like, I asked myself. I bought a slightly more upscale bottle ($16.00) just to be safe. Then I had to figure out what I was going to wear, because surely gay guys are particular about that. I decided to go masculine-sexy-casual (I totally just made that up) and wore some Gap jeans and a medium size t-shirt that would highlight my slim figure. I made sure to do a couple sets of bicep curls before I left too, just to perk the old guns up. On my cab ride over, my heart was racing. When my friend opened the door, he greeted me with a hug and took the wine I brought and stuck it on the table with all the other booze. Looking around, everybody was indeed a guy. Many wore clothes that looked like they just rolled out of bed, while others were fancied up a bit. It's people were drinking cheap beer, some were drinking cocktails, and a few were drinking whatever wine was open at the moment. My friend right away introduced me to two of his friends--two attractive, professional looking French guys--who immediately adopted me as their friend. They poured me some fancy champagne they brought to the party and walked around with me and introduced me to some others. Everybody I met was incredibly nice, welcoming, and interested in getting to know me. I had a great time just chatting it up with these new guys, each of which has their own gay stories to tell. People were really interested in my story--gay but married to a woman, didn't come out until 30, etc. They were all so curious to hear my story, and nobody seemed to judge me for it. Several hours passed by in a flash, most people had left the party, and I was left with a core group of guys who I really clicked with. They announced that now we were going to a gay club in DC called Town (yes, that means we were "going to a Town"). I just went with the flow and followed their lead. When we pulled up to the club (at 2am mind you) I was amazed by the size of this place and that I had never even heard of it before! I just followed my new friends in and low and behold, there were close to a hundred gay men dancing and having a blast. As I walked in, I got plenty of looks sizing me up, and I may have had my ass grabbed at some point, but mostly I was content just dancing with my new group of friends that adopted me. The music was great (mostly pop music, which I secretly dance to in the bathroom on a regular basis) and could feel free to dance as much or as little as I wanted. One weird aspect was that I was pretty sure other guys were watching me dance as a means to size me up, but I just ignored all that and focused on the friends I came with. We danced together carefree, even ####### up on each other at points, and just had a lot if fun. At 4am, the place closed and we exited together as a group. We swapped Facebook info with each other, have each other hugs, and headed home. I woke up the next morning with a hangover and 8 new Facebook friends. One if my new friends sent me an invite to a party he was having at his place the following weekend (another gay party which I also went to and have stories to tell about). Based on my very positive experience, I would recommend to you, JNR, that you just go with the flow. Be extra friendly, smile a lot, and be open about meeting new people. You will probably establish a small base of new friends in addition to the friends you go with, and those are the people you can focus on. That base of friends, along with some alcohol, will calm your nerves. Just have fun with it and savor the feeling of being able to share your real, whole self to others who have much in common with you. I wish you the best of luck! Have a blast! ---------- Post added 25th May 2014 at 05:54 PM ---------- Please excuse some really weird typos in that last post. I typed it on my iPhone.
I would suggest you go. Like most things the first time is the most fun and most terrifying but worth it. I remember the first time I went and was pretty nervous. Once you get there it's pretty amazing. You can finally be yourself, dance with whom ever you want, and not trying to hide checking out guys. I always went to straight clubs with my straight friends and never really understood why they liked going so much, the first time I went to a gay club I got it. Great people watching too. You won't be the only nervous one there it's fun watching straight guys going for the first time. lol But go slow find a table and have a drink and hang out with your friends. The rest will come naturally
We will be eager to hear how it went. I certainly understand your nervousness. I remember those feelings well.
Go! I would do anything to get invited for a gay party of any sorts! I hope yours turns out as positive as link4816's
Well I can knock going to a gay bar and going to a gay club off my 'never have i ever' list... Overall the experience was positive but it probably wasn't as fun as I had hoped it to be. I kind of expected that it would have been one of those epiphany-type moments where I realized I had been missing all this fun. We were all pretty tame but it did not occur to me until this evening that maybe my friends toned it down so as to not make me feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure! They are somewhat low-key to begin with (not in a bad way). I did drink quite a few beers to calm my nerves. I met some of their gay friends. Everyone was friendly. It was really nice of my friends to bring me out. It would probably be easier to live in a city like that (3 hours drive from me) versus the small college town I currently live in. I am not sure how much the scene is for me. I am not sure if that is because I'm still closed off to it or if I'm just actually not into that scene. I would go back to either place for sure. To not give it another chance would be narrow-minded foolish. It did make me wonder exactly where I fit into the scheme of this and where I will be 'in my element'. It sounds stupid but going out last night made me miss regular bars and my straight friends. There has to be SOMEONE out there for me, right? Sometimes I really wonder about that. So, yes, overall good experience. I would go again but it wasn't as liberating and life-changing as I thought it might be. Others in my position should definitely try it, and I'm probably not going to meet somebody if I don't put myself out there. Some questions were answered; other questions arose. All a part of figuring this all out.
