My partner of 17 years died just over 2 years ago, I'm 55 and its so long since I've been dating guys I feel so out of touch. I've never been great at giving/receiving signals, but I feel so clumsy and awkward. After taking time to get over my loss, if I ever will, I've met a few guys from an online site here in the UK which veers towards friendship and social aspects rather than hook ups, which no doubt happen anyway. I've met a few guys and become good friends with one or two, which is good, because as a couple we were always very private people, and didn't really cultivate that many real friendships, and not with gay people at all. I've been corresponding with one guy, via the website, who I met recently for the first time. He was so much nicer and attractive than I thought he would be, and I must admit I was very pleased when he said he'd really like to see me again. I was driving home and offered him a lift, seeing as he was walking. He accepted and immediately said I was welcome to come in and gave a cup if tea, which I in turn accepted. We chatted and then I said I had to leave. He gave me a hug, which I thought was really nice, and we agreed to meet again. I said I'd text him with my email, which I did, saying I hope we could meet again. He texted back saying he enjoyed meeting me, but didn't give me his email, not has he emailed me. I'm wondering how to read this. Does it mean he doesn't want to see me again? Also, I feel so out of touch, because I'm wondering if the invitation to his home meant that he wanted to take things further? I would have liked a kiss and cuddle, I admit, but wouldn't have initiated it. Was he disappointed because I didn't make a move? Am I reading too much into things? Any advice would be gratefully received!
You're 55. And one huge advantage of this is that you can leave the coy, high-school-y "OMG does he like me or doesn't he" stuff by the wayside now. If you want to know what he wants, you can ask him. Mind you, he might not know (yet). You might simply be potential that MIGHT grow into a friend or boyfriend or hook-up. That's usually true of most people. Best bet - take charge. Say you'd like to see him again, and ask if you could get his e-mail address. (Or stick with texting.) Maybe just start setting up a date/time when you CAN get back together again, and see if that leads anywhere. Lex
I think Lexington's advice is very solid. Being up front and forward about things is going to save time and the frustration you are going to end up feeling. Invite him back out to coffee or for a meal.. See what his response is. If he seems distant or disinterested, then I wouldn't waste too much more time chasing after him.
Thanks guys, this sort of thing doesn't seem to get any easier, even at my age. I've been here before, and posted about it, I seem to be afraid of losing people as friends if I make the wrong move or don't make a move at all. I suppose I'm going to have to take risks and take charge.
I usually end posts like these with "Be Brave.." And I think that is the case here. One thing I have found (and you are older than I am so feel free to tell me to piss off), is that dating someone my own age seems to help. Your life focuses are more in line generally. I also never date friends. I made an exception to that once and I managed to screw it up. Long story for another time. But while friends are great, you might consider meeting some new people so your friends can be there to support you rather than be in the middle of it. The first few dates I went on with my partner were innocent activities. He mistakenly took me to a horror movie which I hated, unbeknownst to him. We laugh about it now, but he was certain that I was never going to call him back. I did and we'll be together 7 years in July. So even a bad date can turn out to just be a learning experience. One of the best dates I ever had started with us getting ice cream, talking for hours and then having dinner. Wonderfully silly, but still warms my heart to this day. Don't try too hard, be yourself. If he isn't interested in the everyday you, then he isn't the one... But you already know that.. oh yeah.....and be brave...
Thanks Hyaline, I really appreciate your advice. Be myself, and if he isn't interested in the everyday me, he isn't the one..... and be brave. I like it, you talk sense my friend! And on a positive note, he's emailed me, to which I replied, and he's texted me. So its good that he wants to keep in touch. I'm going to invite him for a day out, a walk somewhere nice maybe, and dinner. Show him the everyday me! Thanks again!
You are most welcome... Those are great indications that he is interested in at least being friends.. The "everyday me" thing emerged for me when I was dating and discovered the people were really petty and not a good fit. When I stopped acting like it was always the first date, they'd get disinterested in a wander away. At first it was disheartening, but after a bit, I realized that they were doing me a favor and simply being honest. Albeit in an indirect fashion.
Really feel for you NG. Know exactly where you're going from. Excellent advice here, but, oh boy, not always easy to take when your out there in the wild by yourself Very best of luck
