Hi Everyone I've always been very private with my personal life at work. I am going to a new office tomorrow due to a promotion I got. It's with the same company and I know that there is no danger in letting people know I'm gay. I want to start off in this new office being honest and more open which should save awkwardness in the future. I don't want to make it a big deal out of it. Is there anyway to let co workers know I'm gay without having to say it. Any advice, is good advice.
Great that you're in a work environment where you can feel comfortable. What I tend to do in a new group of people I've just met is not to think about it as coming out. I just wait for a conversation where people are talking about dates they've been on, people from some TV programme that they find attractive, stories about exes, and such like. Then, I just take part in the conversation just like everyone else. Maybe it's because of where I live and work, and the age group with which I most often associate, but my experience is that most people these days know better than to presume heterosexuality when meeting a new person. If they meet you and assume you're straight, and something you say reveals otherwise, chances are they'll pretend they didn't make the assumption so as to save face. Let us know how it goes.
I agree with hypod. Basically there's no need to "come out" if you don't know the people, just talk without filtering/adjusting pronouns, make casual references to previous dates/boyfriends/hot actors/singers/etc... The way I see it, "coming out" is more necessary with people we've known for a while and have never corrected on their assumption that we're str8 (or have seen us in str8 relationships). I wish every conversation of that type could go like this: Got a girlfriend? Nope. How come you're still single? Guess I haven't met the right guy. Ohhh - hey that's cool sorry for assuming - btw you should meet Justin in accounting, he's single too. Good luck with the new job. Maybe there is a single Justin in accounting too lol.
How awesome would that be I'm gonna try that next time someone asks and see if it plays out. I agree with the other 2 comments about just being honest in conversations. If you have trouble starting or getting into those kinds of conversations, you could try little subtle objects/hints that create conversation starters like a rainbow bracelet or necklace or tie (if you have to wear one), a little rainbow flag on your bag, a photo of you and your partner (if you have one) on your desk (if you have a desk), a coffee mug with something to do with marriage equality or a gay helpline or LGBTIQ or something on it, decorate your workstation (if you're allowed). Just small things that make people ask "what's that?" or "what's that mean?" or "who's that?". Peace be with you.
It's more likely to happen naturally if you do have a boyfriend or partner. At some point you'll talk about what "My boyfriend and I" did over the weekend, or what movie you saw, or what restaurant you went to... But if you're not seeing someone, then don't sweat it. Just be very mindful to NOT give the impression that you're gay. As stated above - be sure no to let any assumptions go unchecked. Otherwise - good luck! Is your organization a member of Pride At Work Canada? Or is there an LGBT Chamber of Commerce in Calgary? There may be opportunities to get involved in those organizations - or start your own LGBT Affinity Group at your company.
Thanks everyone. Some great suggestions there. My biggest mistake I've made in the past is people assume I'm straight I would never correct them. So something I'm making an effort not to know. I had a good day today. It was all where were you working before here and such. I work for a large national organization and we have an internal social network so joined the Pride group. So a step in the right direction.
I only let on when somebody asks me questions about dating/relationships/marital status, what I'm doing over the weekend, or why I am so tired on some Monday mornings (my girlfriend lives an hour and a half away - we don't see each other all the time). I do wear an occasional rainbow bracelet too. My company is VERY small. No pride clubs here. :icon_bigg
Hi, Urm I've got to find new work and thats gonna be the same scenario. But I also feel that I am just going to be me, completely, and definately not hide anything. Sort of take it or leave people your choice. On my previous workplace they were very tolerant of homosexuality, with a bit of luck my new place is gonna be too. Good luck at work
Hi everyone So I made it through my first week and everyone has been great. I'm getting to know everyone's personality and they all seem great. I don't seem to be making much progress and feel like a may be falling into old routines. People have asked if I'm married or kids. I just answered " No, I barely can look after myself" which usually gets some laughs and moves the subject along. This is my standard answer. I'm not lying as I am single which makes telling people harder. Not sure what else I could do? On another note, there is a gay trainee that is at our branch our lunches line up so we've chatted a bit in the lunch room. He's noticeably gay and talks about his partner. Seems so easy for him. I'm kind of jealous. Any suggestion are welcome
My suggestion is probably obvious to you. Start by coming out to the trainee and ask him to introduce you to anyone else he knows is gay within the company. When people see you and him hanging around together, that might be enough to start them thinking or to initiate a conversation about you or him. If you let this situation stagnate for too long, it might give people the impression that you were hiding yourself from them, once they find out, rather than it being the more open new start you said you were seeking for your new workplace. If you want to try telling them in a non-verbal way, you could invite some people to go out to lunch with you, and take them to a gay-favored restaurant, or something like that, to set the mood for discussion.
Well the cat is out of the beg. Not quite as planned. We had a client event at another location and an old colleague (and friend) who really mentored me is in management there. To make this a short story a group of us were cleaning up (drinking the unfinished wine) and she brought up a story of when we worked together another co worker kept texting me love notes until I told her I was gay. This was 5 years ago. My friend said "I can't believe you pretended to be gay to get ride of her". I replied "I can't believe you still think I was pretending". Anyways I now at least some people in the company knows. Still have to let the actual branch I work at know but think it's a step in the right direction. I just want to thank everyone here. It's amazing what can be done with a little support.
