It's been a month or so since I've posted on here.I've been trying to stop stressing about who I am instead I've been living on auto pilot mode and not addressing my issues as I just can't come to or accept it all to be honest I feel abit numb and emotionless.I have a question that has been bothering me for a while,I'm female in a longterm relationship with a man and we have a couple of kids.Since questioning my sexuality 3 years ago I have been distancing myself from having sex with my partner I feel guilty that I have these feelings about questioning if I'm a lesbian or what.Everytime we do have sex which has decreased from couple times a week before questioning to now once a month where I'd actually want it but afterwards I feel wrong like guilt stricken,And it really makes me feel like I've been violated even though I've been the one wanting to do it.I never thought about it until 3 years ago when I started getting feelings for women and losing feelings towards my partner.I always end up with a tear streaming down my face afterwards as if I wasn't really there it was just my body but my true emotions weren't in it until afterwards I feel yuck and just want it to end usually after I've climaxed which is very short lived.During it (sex) I just want to do it I don't want him to touch me kiss me do anything but basically get me off then afterwards it's like I want really there just a body.Is this normal? Does anyone else experience this??
I mean, it sounds like you don't really enjoy having sex with him. You might enjoy sex in and of itself but you don't enjoy the person you are doing it with, which, in your situation is totally normal, I think. If you were madly in love with him and you didn't like having sex with him and you wanted to stay with him, then that would be a different problem. I am recently out of a yearlong relationship with a woman. I thought I was gay before we started dating- my relationship made me think otherwise. My relationship with her was initially very good, as was the sex, although it was never mind-blowing excellent. In retrospect, it was very vanilla. As time went on, though, I became less interested in sex with her. We would have sex but I experienced what you described. I wasn't enjoying it with her. I didn't feel connected to her. I wanted to get it over with while at the same time not make it seem like I just wanted to get it over with. My two cents- the very little that they are honestly worth- think about whether the relationship is making you truly happy. Sex is an important part of a relationship- I think you deserve to be happier with it. Good luck!
I can't speak to you situation as a woman, but I have gradually pulled away from my wife too. We have not had sex for two years now. She keeps checking in with me and is concerned that I am not showing interest. I think it may be inevitable for you to begin to withdraw if you are truly gay.
I'd probably ask What's wrong with my relationship? than What's wrong with me? When you google for "I don't want my husband to touch me" or for a similar formulation you'll get many hits. There are many women out there feeling the same way. They usually feel mentally disconnected from their partner. I remember your other post where you described your partner threatening you about taking your kids away, yelling at you and overall being abusive towards you. If I were you I wouldn't feel like wanting him to touch me either, even if I was straight, so I think that not wanting to be intimate with him seems like quite a natural and understandable response from you. As marriedover50 said, a part of why you feel disconnected from your partner could be that you're truly gay. I can confirm it from my own experience. I keep sleeping with my boyfriend but there are days when I feel bad and somewhat cheap about it because I never feel like I'm truly emotionally present. The sex centres around me making him orgasm, especially because I cannot stand him to touch me on my genitals and because I rarely climax myself. With him it's more or less a physical activity I could live without.
I can identify with a lot of what you said LM. I loved my husband; he was kind, sweet and certainly not abusive, but I still felt exactly the same whenever sex was involved, (although I never instigated it). I couldn't understand any of it, and didn't until a quirky turn of events recently. I'm gradually coming to terms with who I am, and keep telling myself (with support from the kind people here) that what is, is, and whether I knew it or not, always was.
I'm bi so I go though periods of women then men! It can be confusing dear. I don't think there is anything wrong whith you. Your just confused :-D
