Would you have come out earlier if...

I'd have to guess yes. Certainly, I think societal views of gays plus fear caused by the AIDS crisis of the early 80s conspired to encourage my Years of Denial (which ended in 2013).

 

I think yes too. I grew up in the late 70s and early 80s in the uk. There were no role models around other than camp, comedy ones on TV (..which we brits love); means of contacting other gay guys was limited - no Internet, for example; atititudes in the Uk were nothing like as relaxed towards gay men as they are now; and, of course, AIDs was just round the corner too.

 

Quite likely, for the same reasons you guys posted already. There is so much more information and examples/models (in a wide range of "types") available today, and even though there's plenty of work to be done, people in general are so much more open-minded about it than in the 70s/80s. Plus that internet thing.

 

For me no. Sigh. I was always a radical, a radical what? that was the problem.
I do think you're probably on the right track for most though.

 

I came of age in the late 90's and I think I likely would have come out earlier if I was growing up in the 2010's. I can't be sure, and maybe I'm overoptimistic about how attitudes have changed, but I think they are changing and are changing rapidly.

 

I think so--I waited to come out until immediately following college mainly because I was afraid how my parents would react. I think there is a real chance given how much more prominent the gay topic is now that I might have realized earlier that my parents would be alright with it. Although it's hard to say--sometimes I think I misjudged the strength of my parents opposition and sometimes I think I just changed it. If it was the latter than my experience now might not have really been that different than it was in the 80s. It would have been so wonderful to have been out in college... I do know that even if I hadn't come out earlier the greater visibility now would have helped me feel not quite so alone in high school. I tried to kill myself my senior year of high school. I like to think that might not have happened if it had been now...

 

Who knows

 

I probably would have come out now if I was in my teens. I am currently 51 and came out a year and a half ago after coming out at 23 to my mom and immediately going back into the closet. Two hetero marriages and three sons later I am out and no longer an angry, bitter, and depressed woman. Two nieces have come out in their teens within the past few years. They are so much better adjusted than I ever was at that age.

 

It's hard to say for sure, but probably yes. Attitudes have changed so much even since I was in high school 15 years ago. Assuming the perspectives of my family were also different I'd likely have come out earlier. If nothing else I would have realized it earlier, as at a certain point it didn't even seem like there was any option outside of heterosexuality and I didn't really get that my feelings for my female friends were outside the "norm."

 

Same here. I think I would have. I just assumed in my naivete in HS that my checking out other guys was due to my low self-esteem and that I wanted their lives instead of mine. LGBT topics were never discussed by my friends who were all religious in their own right. I think these types of conversations happen so much more in schools and in the media now. I didn't have my first guy really full out hit on me til my junior year of college. That was my "OH SHIT!" moment. If I were in HS today, I have little doubt that "OH SHIT!" Moment would have happened much sooner. (I was a choir and drama kid in HS.)

There are also so many more resources now such as Empty Closets that I had no access to at that time. Man I wish I had found this site at a much younger age.

 

I think it would have been around the same time (18-ish.)

It seems that most college students are doing better, not perfectly. Some still really struggle with coming out issues in painful ways. But I see much greater, much more vocal acceptance from straight peers.

Bottom line: I think that coming out to friends has gotten a fair bit better; coming out to parents it's still messy.

 

Tough question...don't really know. I think so much of that decision depends on your environment, parents support, experience. I hope thing are better for LGBT people but not sure how much better. I came of age in the mid to late 70's and was outed in high school. I paid a horrible price for being outed. I read the posts in the coming out forum and seems lots a kids have an easier time. But others end of having a very difficult time still so think it really depends on your surroundings. I still think you need to be real careful...which is too bad.

 

It is still really tough today. All you have to do is read about the kids on here who are struggling during their teens. I grew up in the 80s and graduated HS in 93... I think if I were in HS now I would be out, but it would have taken me many years of struggling to get to that point. I probably would have been a happier kid today too...

 

IF I had realized that I was gay in 2010, then I think I would have come out at that time. For me it was not so much the hostile environment to being gay, it was not knowing that what I was feeling meant I was gay. Seeing other people publicly out as examples makes a world of difference today, compared to the hidden environment of the 1950s and 60s. People having the conversation out loud about being gay raises it as a possible alternative for self-evaluation. We had none of that. We didn't even know what it was. My parents NEVER said anything about homosexuality; we were all presumed straight and raised to act that way, so we did, even if it didn't seem to mesh very well with how we were feeling.

 

I can' say. Certainly, overall the world is more tolerant, but it depends on where you fall in society. I still think it's harder for working class kids, because of the expectations are more firmly embedded to grow up be a "man" and if religion is a factor they're more likely to be fundamentalist and biblical literalists. For children of the more educated classes I think there is more acceptance, but these are generalizations.

 

I came out at 19 yo in 1990. I was helped along by attending a very queer friendly college. Even so, it was not soon enough. I recognized my sexuality when I was 12 yo. If I were growing up now, I'd like to think that I would come out earlier. I teach 8th grade and have quite a few out 14 yo in my classes. I'm a little jealous but so happy for them.

 

Well I'm not really out at the moment... I suppose I should just admit what/who I am to myself first ...

Anyway, I am going to guess and say yes. Yes, I'm pretty sure I would have been free to acknowledge the idea that I might be gay. Its not like I wasnt exposed to homosexuality when I was younger, it was just never an option that I was. Its really hard to explain... its like I was in a fog in that sense. I couldnt reconcile my feelings of revulsion toward sex with men. I internalized it as a flaw of mine... like theres something wrong with me that I just cant seem to connect with men on any meaningful level other than maybe friendship. Being gay wasnt even on the table.

 

This is only on a guess and hypothesis, but one thing with parents that is (I'm guessing) a problem: they come from a different time that was quite a bit less accepting. They can remember a time when it wasn't safe to be openly gay in high school, for example. And even though intellectually they may realize the world is different, the memories of the 80s or whenever still work at a deep level.

---------- Post added 1st Jun 2014 at 08:55 PM ----------

Quite true. Although it's probably also worth noting that we probably have many, many teenagers who never come near EC, and never need it. They realize I'm gay. Tell everyone, and it's no big deal. People who seek something like EC out are most likely to be ones in situations where they either have some issues, or are afraid they will have problems.

 

Hi Folks, I hope not to offend any part of our community with this, if I do I am sorry but I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.

If I was 20 in 2010 and had realised I was gay then I am sure I would have come out.

I’m 54 and didn’t start to realise I’m gay until my mid 40s part of this I think was down to internalised homophobia and possibly the AIDS crisis, my best friend died from AIDS. I think, as others have said, that not having non-flamboyant or camp role models caused confusion.

I used to think incorrectly that because I wasn’t effeminate or wanted to dress as a woman, I used to be rugged mountaineering type, then whatever I was, I wasn’t gay. I lay the blame for this confusion on the media that in the past, and to some extent today, they always seem to focus on drag queens at gay pride events as being the representation of the all gay men. Of course drag queens shows are spectacular theatrical events (I even took my wife to one) but it is a show and not reality. I wonder to what extent this media misrepresentation of us is the cause of homophobia in the straight population, and how much it must confuse gay teenagers struggling in understanding who they are.

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