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so confused

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by stella99, Jun 1, 2014.

  1. stella99

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    I'm looking for some advice as my mind is going to burst soon.
    I'm a 52 year old female, married for 20years with 2grown up children. My marriage has been good although I'm beginning to think we're the classic 'nothing in common now the children are grown up. I have never been tempted to cheat on my husband, until now. And its with a woman. I've suspected I might be bi but never ever thought of doing anything about it. But I've been working with this female for a few months now and I've fallen for her head over heels. I have been informed that she is a lesbian (nothing to do with my situation, just in conversation) and I wonder if that has influenced me. Nothing has been said between us but it is not a normal working relationship. Its hard to explain but we seem to connect on another level. I haven't been able to get her out of my mind for 5 months now and I don't know what to do. We may not be working together much longer so I'm panicking she may disappear from my life and I'll have regrets.
    Any advice anyone?
    I should mention things aren't good in the bedroom with my husband. I don t want him to touch me and we haven't had sex for 5 months.
     
  2. Penpal

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    Hi Stella, welcome to the EC. I was actually hoping someone would comment on your thread with a more positive story to tell you. I am 39 and I have just separated from my husband after 19 years together and an 11 year marriage. We had problems in our marriage and I started to be attracted to a female friend. Nothing happened and that friend has turned their back on me. She is bi too but she has a lot of problems and didn't want to get involved in mine. I am left heartbroken but with the closet door wide open. I just haven't stepped out of it yet. Unfortunately those feelings were very strong and my husband guessed that I had these feelings for her. He was supportive of me coming out to him at first but a month later he started seeing someone else. This hurt so much because I had fought so hard against my feelings that I pushed her away and he left me anyway.
    All I can advice you is be honest to yourself. If the feelings you have for this woman are as strong as what I felt and your marriage is going nowhere then maybe you should open up to her and your husband. Sorry for the negative story. I really hope you have a happy ending. On the plus side I am relieved to be out of my marriage. I just have some rebuilding to do. Take care.
     
  3. Filly76

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    Hi Stella,

    I can really relate to your statement "my mind is going to burst soon". It can all be very confusing and one feels torn. I also wish I could tell you a positive story. But what I can tell you is this: follow your heart on it. I had the opportunity about a year ago to start a relationship with a colleague who is lesbian. Someone I am quite attracted to. I at the time pushed the thought so far from my mind because I have a husband and take my vows seriously, I don't do affairs of any sort. But the opportunity has passed ofcourse and now a year later I am out to my husband and his family. We are getting a divorce but staying together for financial reasons and because neither of us want to be alone. Yet I so long for a relationship that fits with my sexuality. Torn, indeed it makes ones heart burst.

    But follow your heart, don't listen to people. Listen to you. Wishing the best.
     
  4. Sig

    Sig
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    Hearing you loud and clear Stella, except I'm older (bah humbug).
    I say (taking a deep breath) go for it. You may not end up happier, but you probably won't be less so On the other hand you could be happier than you ever thought possible, and may miss the chance if you don't act.

    I'm 60, my extremely good 'gaydar' failed miserably with myself until recently, and I'm still so far in the closet, you could clean it out and still would't find me.

    Go Stella! I hope it turns out great for you if you decide to. :slight_smile:
     
  5. stella99

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    Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't think I'm going to have the courage to confront anyone. I'm still knocked for six confronting myself. Its ironic, I'm always the one to tell people you only have one life, you only get one chance so go for it. Its easy to say but so different when its me. I'm trying to prepare myself for losing this woman but I can't imagine how I'll cope. I actually get a physical pain at the thought. How I wish I could tell her how I feel. She has made me realise who I am.even if she only cold know that. I can't believe I actually get butterflies at the thought of seeing her. I never thought I would get that feeling again. Oh this is awful. Why can I not say to her?