So, I have been seeing my therapist for over a year… began by widening my emotional experience and expression (for those of you who don't know me.. married 27 yr, 2 kids grown)… went to therapy as my wife told me I was emotionally disengaged with her and my family that was keeping me distant from her, including a lousy sex life. As emotional expression expanded so did my awareness of who I was really interested in. And now I can't stop looking at men! So, I am stalled at taking the next step with my wife as many of you will know. I just can't seem to cross that threshold of truly coming out to her… despite lots of support from the therapist and couple of friends.I anticipate feeling so guilty. So, the question… Am I wasting my money continuing with the therapist or perhaps it is giving me time and repeated conversational exposure to get my head (and heart) around who I really am along the path to 'readiness'? Love to hear others experiences of 'getting stalled' and then moving on.
I can't speak to being stalled. It sounds to me like you want to come out but are worried about your wife's reaction and her feelings. I think your worries are well founded. But here is the thing. By not being who you are, you are keeping that from her and putting her in a situation where she might think she did something wrong. You being emotionally withdrawn only complicates you relationship with her. Being married as long as you have, odds are she knows you well enough to gauge that something is "off". If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. There is no rush to be "out". And nobody should push you into it. Everyone has their own schedule and sometimes it simply isn't the right moment. If you've accepted what will happen when you tell her, then once that happens you can work on what you want to say to her.. I am sure it will be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life. But she deserves your honesty in the end.
