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Asked to Join a Gay Men's Support Group

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SimpleMan, Jun 5, 2014.

  1. SimpleMan

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    Location:
    Indianapolis
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've been in therapy since November now, and I credit it with helping me to come out to my first friends at the beginning of April. I feel sort of stuck since that time though. I haven't even really talked on the phone or in person with the friends I came out to. Part of it is working 60 hours a week. It's hard to focus on anything but work when I have so little personal time to reflect on my journey.

    I was feeling like I needed to make a new plan to move forward to the next step, when this week my therapist suggested I join a small support group (6 people) he runs for gay men. It seems like the perfect solution to help me move forward. I am pretty terrified at the same time. I fear the commitment factor. It's a six month commitment to be a part of the group. I fear something happening that will prevent me from fulfilling my commitment to the group. I don't want to let anyone down.

    The fear of letting people down has been something my therapist has touched on. He has told me that my coming out shouldn't be tied to a fear of failing him or the gay community. Instead it should be about making sure it comes from my own desire to be authentic and whole hearted. I asked to have an additional personal session before the group starts to help address my anxieties and fears about the group as I want to go in with the right mindset.

    I REALLY want to make this next step. I can't imagine a safer or less scary way to begin to relate to other gay men. But I still worry that the fear will paralyze me.

    Has anyone else had similar fears about joining a support group?
     
  2. Hyaline

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    I have that fear about anything I start. But it helps drive me. I tend to be one of those "wait till the last minute and go like hell" kinda people. I am not a big planner and I tend to wing it. This really ends up being my downfall a good chunk of the time. So knowing that about myself is a constant struggle to make sure I don't let people down.

    If you were to ask me to promise to do something I always respond with "I cannot promise to do _____, but I can do my best to try." Because when I do promise, I do not break it period. Maybe you should set a boundry like that.

    Even with a 6 month commitment, your therapist is likely to help you work you way into it. A small group like that is likely to have people in similar situations who will totally understand where you are coming from. And having people on even ground with you will help you to grow from their experiences as well.

    Hang in there and be brave. It sounds like you've made some huge progress!! And its time for the next baby step. Who knows, you might make some new friends.
     
  3. marriedover50

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    Sounds like a great safe way to make some supportive relationships. Very little chance of judgment there so I would go for it.

    Best. To you. I am a former Hoosier from Anderson.
     
  4. mawwhite

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    I joined a support group. Yes I was nervous at first but it was the best thing I've done. The members in your group should be supportive and ultimately you will gain confidence. Working with a therapist is important, but somehow being open to a group is important in different ways as you get to discuss your thoughts and hear theirs. Go for it.
     
  5. SimpleMan

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    Out to everyone
    Thanks for the encouragement and words of wisdom. Part of the problem is I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about my fears besides my therapist. This group will help me have a healthier view of what gay men think. I already discussed with my therapist about what if something comes up and that has made it a bit less overwhelming.