I haven't been around in a while, but I am still struggling with whether I'm bi or a lesbian. :bang::bang::bang::bang: I have started to see a counselor so that should help. I came out to my husband as 'maybe a lesbian' and he pretty much said that if I am a lesbian he doesn't want to stay married to me. I have noticed as I've allowed myself to feel and notice my feelings more, that I look at women a lot more than men. The idea of being with a man isn't appealing, but I'm not sure I could guarantee that in the future I'm not going to meet a man who is sensitive enough to be a compatible partner for me. I just don't think it's very likely. I was feeling pretty certain about being a lesbian for a while, and it felt good. But now I'm questioning myself again. Does this mean that I'm really bi? Maybe a 5 or a 4.5 on the Kinsey scale instead of a lesbian? :icon_sad: Does the fact that I have enjoyed sex with men in the past mean that I'm not a lesbian? I always thought gay people pretty much had hetero sex once, if ever, and basically would know that they were gay. But that hasn't been my experience. :eek: Any advice, thoughts, ideas are very much appreciated. :help::help::help:
I'd say it just means that you're questioning again, nothing more. Questioning process is like that, one day you're perfectly sure, the other day you start doubting yourself again, and it repeats over and over again. The mind is a funny thing. I think there are many gay people who enjoyed sex with the opposite sex. I myself was also struggling with whether I'm bi or a lesbian because having a boyfriend of 13 years and zero experience in the women department. In the end I decided I'm indeed gay. And yes, I get aroused just alright during the intimate time with my bf but over the years the sex's become more or less only a mechanical task with me being mentally non-present. Moreover I get obviously much more excited when I imagine doing it with a woman instead. Unlike men, women make me truly want them sexually. I think that women make me aroused because I'm attracted to them but with my bf what arouses me is more the idea of sex in general and the feeling of control. So yea, maybe I'm not perfect Kinsey 6 but what matters to me the most is the fact that I desire to be with a woman and can only imagine to live with a woman.
The idea of being with a man sexually/romantically holds zero appeal to me and I STILL ask myself "Wow am I really a lesbian?" Looking at myself from an outside observer perspective its amusing. I'm pretty sure when I come out there will be many many people in my life that nod their head knowingly and smile.
Haha, when I was questioning myself I went through a period when even though it was apparent how much I'm attracted to women (e.g. I saw a hot girl and got wet instantly) but still I was trying to persuade myself I just fake that attraction for whatever reason and kept looking for signs why I can't be into women. Looking back it seems funny.
Heh, well done. Its hard to get over the programming of what your "supposed to do" So glad we live in a world where its possible for us to come out.
