As I write this, I am missing a social group meeting I've attended every month for several months now. It's men's breakfast meeting. A monthly activity connected to a church where I recently went for Christmas Eve, Easter, and as the spirit moved me. And this may not be the last activity I miss. Indeed, I am wondering if I'll even make it this month to an early evening discussion group that I would have said even a month ago would be something I'd be attending indefinitely no matter what else happened. Perhaps the time has come to move on... This is the thought I've had about this church recently. And, indeed, a part of me says very clearly: "It's not perhaps you should move on. It is you should move on, period, full stop. This isn't working." It isn't working on a church level. I found some value for a while in that the church provided me a view I hadn't seen clearly before. But how much of this view do I really need? Then there is the social end of it. Churches are a place to meet people and make friends, or so people giving advice like to cheerfully chirp. And after a year of semi-regular Sunday attendance (but regular enough that I became recognizable), I felt like I had zero connection with anyone past a superficial we'll chat a minute during coffee hour. Despite attending four different groups--including the one I'm missing this morning--and one class, I feel like I have zero connections. And--since this is EC--I might as well mention I am less than happy with the LGBT policy of "tolerance." That's better than it could be, I guess, but it could be a lot better, too. So...moving on is probably a good idea. But...it's hard to do, too. Because moving on leaves me with nothing in the line of connection with other people in this area. Except future maybes. Perhaps letting go and moving opens the way for something to come into my life that will work. Or perhaps it'll just mean even more loneliness and social isolation than I'm already suffering.
Perhaps before making the break from this group you should look into what the other available options are in your area, both in terms of church and social activities? Meetups, community centers, charity organizations, etc. might all provide possible options as well as other more LGBT friendly denominations. Basically suggesting that you don't need to simply jump off the pier without first picking where you want to land. My 2c worth, Todd
If your church is not serving you, why should you serve it? Ideally, isn't it supposed to more deeply connect you with truth?
"I felt like I had zero connection with anyone past a superficial we'll chat a minute during coffee hour. Despite attending four different groups--including the one I'm missing this morning--and one class, I feel like I have zero connections." Yes, time to pull the plug on it and walk away. Start something else fresh and new.
Did you try a Metropolitan Community Church or some other church that is gay-positive rather than gay-tolerant?
Not a bad idea. I don't think I'll totally burn bridges until I have an idea of what next. Yes. That's the conclusion I'm at right now. While not actively bridge burning quite yet, I definitely think it's time to actively look for what's next. No, but I have to admit I'm curious. Problem is that I live somewhat in the boonies, so choices are somewhat limited. Although things are perhaps not that much better in a nearby largish city. Supposedly, according to one person there at a PFLAG meeting, he went through a number of supposedly accepting churches before ending up with his-then current choice.
Life is constantly leavings and findings…..leave and find BMC. Easy to say, difficult to do. But essential. At my age I know, life is much shorter than we think, and you can never have back those times you didn't All the best
Leave the church if you think that is the right thing to do but also when you go to groups, either lgbt, church groups etc don't just wait for other people to talk to you. Go up to people, introduce yourself, say you are new there and would like to meet new people. Everyone else already knows each other so they have no need to make the effort to talk to you, you on the other hand don't know anyone and do need to meet new people so be pro active and introduce yourself to people. Most people are nice and friendly so they will want to be polite and welcoming to you but unless they know that you want to meet them and talk to them then they wont notice you are there. Being new works in your favour, they don't know you and have no reason to dislike you so the next time you go to a new group or church event make a point of introducing yourself to someone you haven't spoken to before. I do believe in the saying treat people how you want to be treated, you want new people to talk to you have to get in there first and say hello to someone new. If you are friendly, non judgemental and polite people will be the same back to you. Molly x
I can relate very much to this. When I internally came out, I finally admitted to myself that I never really believed. Due to this, and in addition due to the fact that the roman catholic church doesn't really "like" gays, I left... and didn't regret it in the last four years.
Yes, easy to say, difficult to do! Good point! ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2014 at 08:29 PM ---------- I'll have to keep that in mind, as difficult as it is for an strong introvert who'd sometimes prefer hiding behind the plant in the corner...
A simple question I would ask is this, how much of moving on is related to an inadequate community support system and how much is related to your own faith? If you find that they are seperate issues it may help you to find what is next. On the one hand, finding a group or groups that will not leave you feeling left out as a strong introvert and finding a church where you can worship comfortably if that is your desire.
A worthwhile question, and one that I should have been asking. And probably would have asked if my vision weren't limited by being in my overall life... But I probably should treat the two issues as separate issues. The one--maybe only advantage--of mixing the two is simply that old advice line about churches being a good place to meet people. That and the fact that finding places locally to meet people has proved more difficult than I'd have imagined possible. Another bias, too, might be coming from one member of the church. He is very involved in the church, and clearly has a vision of wanting to build it up. And we had one talk about my general feelings of lonely isolation. (As I say, it was very general talk, although I probably did indicate that I wasn't happy about not having formed any real connections in the church.) And, predictably, an idea he had was go to church... Even though, as I say, after a year I have formed, at most, superficial connections. And even he admitted that I might not ever see anything more than a casual coffee time connection with anyone. There is value in that, but as I feel right now, it's just not enough. I am already dreading the 2014 Christmas season of being totally alone, without even a holiday party to go to.
