I am a 57 year old gay man with Hiv since 1984.My partner whom is 72 just had heart failure.I am his caretaker forever,i love him dearly we have been together for 13 years,and he is my husband,not legally but we just are.Doug has been in and out of the hospital 4 times since Dec.27,2013,lost 25 pounds,and is doing better now in his it seems to me,his day by day recovery.I feel so alone through this,no family to speak of.I did find a church,Lutheran,which a gay pastor friend of mine is pastor,so get comfort from them.I still feel so alone,i am feeling shame these days around my Hiv,my family has disconnected from me because of hiv now,they never came to visit me the 3 years i was in hospice.:***:
Hey skye57, welcome to EC! I'm so sorry about what happened to your husband, it must hurt like hell to see someone you love suffer. My sister has HIV, and has had it since the 90's. I also remember the days when it was not at all certain she would survive. Now she is suffering the consequences of the damage caused by the virus, she is almost blind...and yes, even today, she endures the stigma of HIV, even if the virus is undetectable it is still a mark of shame for too many. No one should feel less of a human being for having endured this. You came to the right place, if not necessarily a cure for loneliness, at least a place to work on that unnecessary feeling of shame. HIV was raging at the time, nobody knew how to prevent it or even what the virus was, but when it was discovered that it was gay men who were dying, it was too easy not to do what needed to be done, and early enough, to work on the needed research. It is the people who were in charge at the time who should be ashamed, they should have known better. Keep posting here, we are here to listen, and more importantly, your story can enlighten our members, especially our younger members, more fully as to what it is like to live with HIV in 2014.
Welcome Skye! So sorry to hear what you're enduring but glad you have found EC. You'll find many others here coping with struggles such as loneliness and finding strength from the compassion of the group. Best wishes to you and your husband.
Hi Skye57 I am not as good with words as the others, but you really are welcomed here and we will always listen. (*hug*)
Hi Skye57, So sorry for the way life is for you right now, but remember one thing, you're not alone, you have all of us. And for sure, everyone on at EC will offer you support and kindness, and be here for you whenever you need it. Welcome (*hug*)
Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm glad you've found us here. It is quite possibly the best, most supportive and encouraging place on the web. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. To be abandoned by your family must be very hard. You have a church family, and you've found us here, but I'm wondering if perhaps having someone to talk to professionally might help as well. Counselling can help keep things in perspective, and challenge us to so things that we need to do but don't want to do. Welcome!
I am so sorry about your plight. But you said that you feel alone most times. Does that predate your coming out or being with your husband? If so, you have to come outside yourself. No one likes a martyr and no one will want to befriend one either. In NYC, we have meetup groups for gay and lesbians whether single or as couples that go to events such as craft beer tasting, wine tastings, concerts, operas or just plain outdoor activities as hiking. Maybe they have the same in your area. I believe the website is "Meetup.com". Try it. Look I have seen "caretaker burnout" before and the extreme cases are where individuals become so fatigued and depressed, that they need psychological help themselves. You need time for yourself. You need time "to be good to yourself". Don't feel guilty about doing this. Please take steps for yourself now. Hope that helps.
Hello Skye, Welcome to EC Have you tried getting in contact with old friends, or neighbours that you haven't seen for a while? I say this because you never know who may be available to you to give support. When you are going through a hard time people often surprise you. Some by withdrawing support and others by being helpful and looking after you. Counselling can help but for practical support like going for a coffee in the evening, having someone there if you need help at home you are going to need a friend to be there for you. You want to be putting your effort into looking after your husband so if there is anyone you can think of who can give you a little extra help it might be good to get in contact with them. When people are so focused on looking after a partner things like buying milk having time to do the washing up sometimes gets forgotten. I'm not saying you need full time care but if there are any friends in your local area you can get in contact with they might be available to come round to your house for a chat or even give you a hug when you need it. This may help you feel a little bit more supported at this difficult time. Molly xx
