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Going to Pride this weekend...kind of.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SimpleMan, Jun 10, 2014.

  1. SimpleMan

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    So it turns out one of my places of employment has a booth at Pride this year. My boss asked me tonight at work if I was willing to work the booth a few hours and I told him I would be more than happy to do it. It's a very gay friendly workplace but I am not out there. (Though I know some of my coworkers there definitely have a clue.)

    I kind of wanted to go, but knew I was nowhere near ready. It has been a depressing thought all week. Working the booth gives me a convenient excuse to in at least a small way be there. I probably won't have the courage to really walk around and explore, but it still feels good!

    Happy Pride everyone! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  2. Really

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    That sounds like the best way to go for the first time! You don't actually have to be "gay" to be there because you're just representing the company! Although it couldn't hurt to be nice and friendly to anyone who comes up to your booth. Just being a good employee, right?
     
  3. calgary

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    Congrats. Sounds like a good place to work and good reason to go. Are their other co working the booth with you? They probably will want to wander around after and you always could tag along. I'm still trying to decide what to do this year. I'm in a very similar place. My project now is trying to coming out at work and have told a couple of people. My company has a a pride group that go in the parade and maybe more pressure to go. I don't think I'm ready for that or if I have the courage to even go. Calgary's pride event isn't till September so have some time to decide. Let us know how it goes? Let us know how it goes.
     
  4. SimpleMan

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    Will do! My supervisor is going to work the same shift I am. It's just an ok job unfortunately. I am basically a telemarketer for an arts organization trying to get people who've been there to come again or donate. I'm good at it, but it's rare that I find it enjoyable. Still, I should be grateful I do have at least some work right now...
     
  5. Yossarian

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    Sounds like a great way to be there incognito, so to speak. But as far as going to a Pride event is concerned, simply going there does not attach a "I'm gay" label to you; many people who are straight allies or gay-friendly go to these events. If you put on a rainbow shirt it would be a simple way to "break radio silence" about your orientation, but even that isn't a for sure and certain announcement at a Pride event. By all means GO, and do walk around and explore; be you!
     
  6. looking for me

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    lots of allies go to pride events, one doesn't have to be LGBT to go, just enjoy yourself. that's what i'm thinking of for our pride picnic in july.
     
  7. SimpleMan

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    Logically I know that. Unfortunately, the logical part of my mind and the instinctual fight or flight part of my mind are worlds apart. I still have a lot of anxiety issues to work through in therapy.
     
  8. SimplyJay

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    ^First time I went to a pride (simply went by myself to see what it was like) One side of me was scared/nervous about it before actually getting there, (but another side of me was sorta thrilled about finally actually going, if that makes sense) Once I got there all that scared/nervous feeling stuff was just gone :slight_smile: I felt like I fit right in being there (rare feeling for me).

    Hopefully you'll get something like that
     
    #8 SimplyJay, Jun 11, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2014
  9. Henry656

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    Sorry to be so blunt but..........................

    "YOU ARE EITHER ALL OUT OR YOU ARE ALL IN".

    Your "gayness" is not either from "Nuture or Nature". It is more than that.
    It is your soul. It was given to you to celebrate.
    If you don't then, you will lead a very twisted life indeed and when you do that, no one not even you will recognize who or what you are.
     
  10. Choirboy

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    Went to my first Pride festival over the weekend. It's interesting - you see the whole gamut of people from conservative and unassuming (my guy and me) to wildly out there, varied, borderline stereotypes, complete stereotypes, and bizarrely unique individuals. You name it! It got a little loud for us, but it was great to walk around for several hours, hand in hand, and hug and kiss without causing a ripple, because it was seen as perfectly normal. Which, after all, it is. Gay people shouldn't be considered weird, and love CERTAINLY shouldn't be.

    And straight people definitely attend, too. A co-worker of mine saw a picture of us and asked me with a laugh, "So John, I saw a picture of you at Pride Fest with some guy - is there something you haven't told me?" So I answered Yes, I'm gay, and he's my boyfriend. Not at all what she expected to hear! She had assumed I was just there to support someone or to have a good time. So HAVE a good time. There's a lot of strength in numbers.
     
  11. looking for me

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    Geeze, blunt much dude?
     
  12. SimpleMan

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    I think Henry656 was trying to be helpful. I don't see the world in such a black and white manner though. Admittedly, receiving a comment like that would have been a major shame trigger for me even just a year ago. Thankfully, I am in a little bit of a better place now.


    My life IS pretty miserable at the moment largely in part due to being closeted. I am taking the steps I can in spite of the paralyzing fear I've lived with most of my life. Each and every one of those baby steps forward is something to celebrate. And I am grateful for the support and advice of everyone here on EC who have helped me to even to get to this point. I dream of the day where I am living authentically and openly as a gay man. I'm just not at that point yet, and there is no shame in where I am on that path.
    I know I will get there eventually.

    Again, Happy Pride Everyone!
     
  13. offmychest

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    I second that, geeze dude, layoff. look dude even when you turn on an oven it doesn't get super hot all at once. when you turn on the hot water faucet or cold water faucet, it doesn't get hot or cold all at once things take time to reach their full level. this all in or all in the closet ideology is irrational and hurtful and damaging to newbies. layoff why dont you.
     
  14. GayDadStr8Marig

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    OK dad's in the room so let's all lay off the piling on about the all or nothing of being out. Counterproductive.

    The point here is being your first visit to pride fest. I went by myself last Friday evening and felt isolated. I'm a conservative type. I'm fully comfortable being gay I'm just not into flamboyant clothes or dancing. I enjoy a wide range of music but deafening club mixes get tiring after about... hmmm.... 30 seconds? And unlike if you asked me a year ago, no I don't consider myself old at 41.

    Going the second day with my choir boy was fantastic. The crowds were bigger and the place felt alive. And everything John described is spot on.

    Being proud of yourself for accepting you gayness doesn't mean being in your face to everyone around you. Most people don't care who you love and even fewer people want to know anything about it, whether you're gay or straight.

    Be proud of who you are. Be proud of the progress. But also be respectful of yourself. Of your peers. Of your neighbors. Of people who genuinely disagree. Being respectful is not caving your principles, it is being secure in your own mind to recognize the human dignity in everyone. No matter how vile their opinions and attitudes may be. On either side.
     
  15. Henry656

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    Thank you for your supportive comments. I was not trying to "shame" you but just to support you with my experience. You see, I come from the over 60 year age group and most times, we are "shunned" from those under 40. I don't really care or am whining about it. And to those who think I am "too harsh, dude", I just really don't care. FYI-Don't invalidate me by calling me a dude. If you are truly gay or bi, then call me a "brother". Or maybe, I am too old for you to consider me part of the LGBT community.
    I have come out to my "loved ones" and they support me--my wife,my daughter, my brother and sister. As to the rest, I remember the words of a gay therapist from a documentary "Out Lately" who specialize in counseling older folks like me.
    "Don't strive for acceptance, strive for celebration". And that is just what I am going to do for the remander of my life.
    You do it too.
    Cause, in the words of a now deceased cancer patient.
    "Life is a game of learning and love is its only prize"
     
    #15 Henry656, Jun 13, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2014
  16. SimpleMan

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    Have you read The Velvet Rage by any chance? If you haven't, I think you would get a lot out of that book. The author is an older LGBT therapist. The book is about our life-long journey to overcoming our own internalized homophobia as gay men. He addresses many of the issues you mentioned.
     
  17. calgary

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    How did Pride go? And i would also recommend Velvet Rage a good read.