So, after writing my introductory post here a month or so ago (short version: out to myself for ~15 years, but never really out to anyone else) and realizing I had a lot more internalized homophobia than I had previously admitted to myself, I thought maybe it would be good for me to go to Indy Pride today, and I did. A bit nervous that I might actually see someone I knew, but I figured that anyone who was there would be reasonably accepting. The good: 1. Absolutely beautiful weather, bright and sunny, yet not too hot. And I had the foresight to put on SPF 50 sunscreen, so I didn't get burned. 2. Steve Grand was performing. He was awesome. Glad I got to see him there. 3. I suppose, the fact that I managed to go at all, which is more than I've ever done before. The, um, not so great... Being pretty thoroughly introverted, I can spend hours in a crowd without every really talking to anyone. Which I did, but I don't know that it was really helpful to me. I thought maybe being around lots of proud LGBT folk would help me to be more self-accepting, but I'm not sure it did. If I was hoping for some radical self-transformation, that didn't happen, I don't feel much different. I feel like I could go to a gay bar for a bit, and hang out, which would be more conducive to conversation with random people than something like Pride, except the few gay bars I'm aware of in Indianapolis are downtown, and I live way out in the suburbs, so it's not like I could have several drinks there if I felt comfortable, and then go home afterwards...
You went; nothing bad happened. Now do the same thing in a gay bar, one with no loud music, where people are more inclined to talk to you than wander around looking at the sights. Stick to a beer or two if you need to loosen up, then stay until you are obviously safe to drive home, or to his place.
Hey. Go to the bar and drink coke. Then you can get home okay! You need to check out Unicorn. They have male strippers but you could hang, enjoy the fun and chat with some of the men gathered. I'm a Hoosier and have hung out there before. Good luck. You took a big step. I wish I were as advanced as you! :eusa_clap
Thanks for the support, everyone. Looks like there's one or two gay bars which are pretty casual hangout places I might feel OK about going to. marriedover50: Alas, Unicorn is closed, according to Yelp.
Well, I gave fertilizer to my plants yesterday and today I checked on them and see absolutely no effect. Ugh. But was the fertilizing useless? Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You went, right? And even though you don't feel much difference right now, over time you'll see how helpful it was.
Pride events are not necessarily everyone's thing. Particularly in the early stages of coming out they can be a bit overwhelming. It can seem like everyone knows everyone else and you're left out. When I first started tentatively coming out I had a look for smaller groups that coincided with some of my interests and where people just happened to be gay. I notice your username is DayHiker. The very first gay group I joined was a gay hiking group. It wasn't too "out there" for me and it involved doing something I really enjoyed. After a while I got to know a few people and my network grew. I started to feel more confident. Don't get me wrong, I think Pride events are essential, but I think there are other, less confronting avenues for people who are not naturally outgoing. Perhaps you could check online what gay interest groups exist in your area and see whether there is one which matches up with one of your hobbies/interests? Anyway, congratulations on the big step of going to Pride, lots of people never take that step.
we have a saying here in WV "you got out amongst them", meaning you stepped up and out and overcome a big challenge, congrats.
I think that's the right way to look at it. In my introductory post here, I described the pace at which I managed to admit to myself that I was gay as "glacial," so it's a bit too much to expect that the glacier would melt overnight. The glacier moves another inch forward. As slow as that progress is — and sometimes I wish it could be faster — it's still progress. Also, I don't want to give the wrong impression — I definitely enjoyed myself, and I'd go again in a heartbeat. Especially with the weather we had last Saturday. I mentioned being introverted, and I know some introverts don't like crowds, but that's not me — I'm fine with being in crowds, in my case it just means I'm not likely to strike up conversations with strangers in them. Thanks again for all the words of support!
Hi Day Hiker, I went to my first Pride last year and had pretty much the same experience as you. I don't remember talking to anyone, just smiling a lot but also shedding a few tears. The best thing that happened was a handsome bearish man in the parade danced right up to me, handed me a lei, and gave me a huge grin that seemed as much an invitation as anything else — I think I got cruised! This year I'm going with my "best gay friend," so at least I'll have someone to talk to. And yes, I've made a lot of progress in the past year. I think going to the parade helped get the ball rolling. I finally felt part of a larger community. Incidentally (and this has nothing to do with Pride), I went hiking two weeks ago with 18 gay men. I had to keep pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I couldn't believe all these hunky guys were gay, just like me!
Small steps. The first time I even attempted to go to a gay bar, I actually sat in the parking lot and threw up my lunch because I was so scared. You will get there....
I haven't been out for long, and I have the same problem as you, not very extroverted. I also have some internalized homophobia and what I did was go to the gay village, which works if where you live has something similar, and I walked around it for hours. Eventually I did feel more comfortable there. I also bring my straight friend to the gay bars with me so that I don't go alone, and it's safer when someone is with you. I haven't managed to talk to anybody yet, but I'm becoming much more comfortable. Small steps is right.
DayHiker, Sounds like your introversion hits you the same way mine does. I'm ok in crowds (although I'll need some quiet alone time sometime relatively soon after) but striking up conversations in them is tough. Interesting. I went to pride event here and it was kinda meh. There was a real corporate vibe going on which was off putting. ---------- Post added 17th Jun 2014 at 07:49 PM ---------- Oh yeah! I've been doing that too. Although, if I'm honest I've been doing a little of that for years. I'd drive home on a Friday night through that area. That's funny. Although pride was meh, I walked around the small gay area here for a little while the night before and that was great.
