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New Member

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by fndngmyway, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. fndngmyway

    fndngmyway Guest

    Hi. Brand new here and hoping to find some online friends for support.

    I'm a 50 yo single male -- just began to accept my homosexual attraction about 3 years ago. The attraction was there my entire life, but I never acted on it until 3 years ago. I could give a million reasons why, but it doesn't really matter. I suppose my biggest fear is that I would lose/damage relationships with my family and friends -- and I guess I thought if I waited long enough, the attraction would go away or wouldn't matter any more.

    Since then, I attended some gay MeetUp groups, some gay AA meetings (I've been sober over 20 years), a religious support group -- and I was never comfortable. Obviously, I have some issues I still need to deal with. I suppose the part that bothered me most is that the men in these groups seemed to talk about nothing but gay issues. I view my homosexuality as a piece of me, not my entire being -- and I don't plan to change that view. I was also put off when discussing my fear of losing family/friends, that some men would say, "Well, then they never were your friends." I think that's a very convenient catch-all phrase. I love my family and friends, and I wonder if I would deal well with losing some at this time in life.

    About 6 months ago, I met a married man online and we began a relationship. Morally, I was not happy with what I was doing, and we discussed this many times -- the relationship was on/off for the entire 6 months. However, I did fall in love. About a month ago, he told his wife he was gay. He's now going through the process of dealing with his wife/kids -- and I feel very guilty about that as well. We decided not to contact each other for another couple months while he sorts through his life.

    I suppose I should feel relieved or good -- or something like that -- but I'm pretty miserable right now. So I thought I'd seek some support...

    Thanks.
     
    #1 fndngmyway, Jun 16, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2014
  2. doinitagain

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    Welcome aboard!! You'll find a load of support here. Just take one day at a time and when you have any questions, ask away!!.
     
  3. fndngmyway

    fndngmyway Guest

    Thanks for reminding me. You think I'd know that by now -- but I definitely needed the reminder!
     
  4. ukguy

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    Hi fndngmyway - I am a married gay man in the Uk and met someone on-line a while ago. Like the guy you have met, I too needed some time away from him to try and sort out things at home. Dont feel guilty - it takes two to tango after all. At least you recognise that he needs some time..as I have. The only thing I would say is be prepared for a long haul if you have fallen for this guy (and that's from the other perspective!)
     
  5. fndngmyway

    fndngmyway Guest

    ukguy: Thanks for the response. I appreciate your perspective.

    And the time apart is actually for both of us -- I have a lot of guilt about breaking up a family...
     
  6. marriedover50

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    Findingmyway.

    You did not break up that family. He has issues that need attention. It sounds like He is finally giving them attention.. You just happened to be a window that helped him see his future and become honest with himself.

    I hope you don' t let yourself be pulled into his tornado churning as he figures it out.

    Don't beat yourself up. He needed you. You are not the cause.

    Josh
     
  7. fndngmyway

    fndngmyway Guest

    Thanks, Josh. And honestly, he told me that the situation would have come about even if I wasn't in the picture. And I believe him.

    I guess one reason I wanted to pull out of the relationship for a while was to be sure he wasn't doing it just for "us." And honestly, we haven't seen each other in couple months -- but did correspond -- until last week, when I decided I really needed a break to think things through.

    Thanks again for the kind words.
     
  8. quietman702

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    fdngmyway... please be encouraged and i agree with marriedover50 you are not the cause as he told you it would have happened anyway. it is possible that once he is free it might work out for you too only if that's what you want... no matter what, there are guys here that will listen and help best we can, please find consolation in that.
     
  9. Melanie

    Melanie Guest

    Its probably very difficult. It seems like when people adopt this perspective its because they don't have a choice. I've read some absolutely devastating stories -- I'm sure you've heard some -- of rejection and shunning.