What a night it has been 2nd night now where I've had the talk to my partner of over 10 years about "my feelings" to why I can't perform sexually I'm female btw.I have no issue of getting aroused it's just the mind over matter that I can't do I feel like I have to force myself to have sex with him it's so Frustrating I want to cry,scream punch a wall because of this anger inside.I feel like their are issues not just my sexuality to why I can't make myself have sex with him but I think it's mainly my sexuality since I've been questioning it for 3 years.I opened up to him again since lastnight I'm hoping he has gotten an idea of what I'm trying to say but he just can't grasp the concept I felt myself come out a little bit but I'm still very unsure to me this sounds like someone is gay so I said to him" If he was in bed with a man and the man wanted him to have sex with him what would he do? Would he feel like it as himself? He replied there wouldn't be a man in my bed because I'm not gay then I replied well I feel exactly how you feel when I try to get intimate with you.His response was nothing like he didn't grasp it or care.I know I should know but I really don't know that's all I can say is how it feels like for me I can have sex but I'm not gagging for it or feel like it like I should be he told me that sex is bad with me because I'm limited in what I will do spooning only and I don't like to be touched at all I told him that I'd like space to think things through but he said no then goes on saying if we break up we will both be finically stuck last thing on my mind I asked well you want me to just push myself till I like it make it become a habit maybe in time I will crave it but I also said that I'd li can't help feeling like I want to cry he said he is not going to do it if i cry but I just don't know but right now I want to cry I'm so mad at myself for feeling this way really mad I want this feeling to stop.He said he doesn't care if he lives here with no intimacy but I said I want intimacy but not like this I want to feel happy he says he doesn't get why I feel so unhappy.This is driving me insane I can't open up to how I feel he says that he is sick of me opening up he doesn't want to hear it basically fake it till I make it which I thought I could/can try to do.I don't know what more I can do? I'm trying to get myself out of this frame of mind new job,new hobbies doing stuff for me so I'm not so obsessed about it,I just want this feeling gone:bang:
Okay, first thing is first....reading this mass of text was difficult. Use the Tab and space bar more frequently :3 it will make things easier on everyone who wishes to help you. Another thing...your boyfriend sounds like a jerk :/ I'm sorry, but he does. If he doesn't want to listen to how you feel, he doesn't sound like a very nice guy. As to wanting to get your feelings to stop, that is a futile road to walk. I used to feel that way all the time. Anytime I'd check out a girl, I'd be like "STOP IT, SELF! YOU'RE SICK!" And I finally embraced how I truly felt...it's been a long road, but here I am! So. Question. Why is it that you feel like there is a lack of intimacy with your man? Are you not attracted to him? Do you feel more attracted to women? Whatever you are feeling, it's okay! I promise you. Just allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and just let it all be. Hope this helps :3
I was in deep denial, had no clue, and used to tell myself to stop thinking that way all the time when I caught myself checking out another girl. Once I realized what I was doing, I began the process of accepting it, and embracing who I am. Then I had to tell my husband at the time (very difficult but worth it), and that is when those horrible feelings left. It wasn't until I accepted and made changes to embrace my true identity that I began to find peace. Prior to that decision, I was miserable, and I felt the way you sound. I suggest you let you instincts take over. If you're watching a movie and a sex scene is on, who are you looking at. When you're out, where do you automatically glance? Are you looking at men, women, or both? As FireRose said, it's OK to feel whatever it is you feel. You are who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. I'd like to say making changes such as job, hobbies etc. will help, but I don't think they will. You need to go to the root of the problem (and I say this in a supportive way). Whatever changes may come, even if they are more difficult financially, will probably be worth it. There is no price for the peace that comes with acceptance. Good Luck!
