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Sexual encounters before and after coming out to my spouse

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by quietman702, Jun 17, 2014.

  1. quietman702

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    PLEASE KEEP THIS ON TOPIC, no graphic explanations etc., as there are people of all ages reading...

    Wondering if anyone has or is experiencing what I'm going thru right now? Please help me... hopefully this will make sense.

    Before I came out to my wife I had regular sexual encounters each week but now after coming out to her those encounters are almost non-existent. Please know that we haven't slept together in years (intimacy and in separate beds)... yes I cheated... but I never would endanger her health. I am not proud of myself for the choices I made and have to deal with the aftermath. My actions hurt her and she told me that she will never trust me again. Again I'm not trying to minimize my actions... just wondering if any one else is going/have gone through this dilemma? I feel so alone!! Again I made the choices not my wife.

    I envy the people posting that they have remained faithful to their spouses... however my ship has sailed on that. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Jim1454

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    I'm ashamed to say that I also cheated on my wife. I always tell people that in hindsight it wasn't necessary for me to cheat to know that I was gay, and that remaining faithful makes that whole 'coming out' conversation with your spouse a whole lot easier to do.

    My wife also told me that she didn't know if she would ever trust me again, and even if she did she wouldn't ever know that I was truly happy being with her, so she left me. And that was probably the best decision for both of us. It was painful at the time but it allowed both of us to move on and establish lives that were open, honest and authentic for both of us. We have both remarried and we still get along reasonably well as we co-parent our two young daughters.

    Not sure what else to tell you. But that's the short version of my story. I feel for you for sure. And for your wife.
     
  3. quietman702

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    Hi Jim, its good to know im nit the only one. My wife has not left however and is the next step... She or me.
     
  4. darkoutdarkin

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    I am in the category of never cheated, but kind of having a similar experience. From the safety of my married life I was upbeat and interested in guys. I was looking forward to flirting and getting to know other guys to maybe see if something would happen. But now post separation I feel totally alone and am barely willing to maintain a conversation with someone. Flirting is out of the question. So now I feel worse off in every respect.
     
  5. quietman702

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    I hear you darkoutdarkin It will get better... but i know for myself i have to get out and socialize... and remember that if someone doesn't respond, move on... it's there loss, just keep moving on... it will get better... it has too