My teenage daughters (13 and 16) already know I'm gay. Both of them took it well; the older one was clearly supportive, and the younger seemed mildly surprised but generally disinterested. She's 13, after all! If it doesn't directly concern her, it's boring. And since I told her that her mom and I were still figuring things out and nothing was changing immediately, it didn't change her life much, and we're as close as ever. My oldest was aware of my boyfriend before he was my boyfriend, when it was just a crush that I had on someone with no expectations of anything but perhaps an eventual friendship. Now that it's real, she's been interested in knowing about him and has been very pleased about how happy I am. Today I decided to tell my youngest. I showed her a picture of him, told her his name, and explained that he was a special friend whom I expected to have a very large part of my life for many years to come. She listened politely--and only showed any real interest when I told her what town he was from--the one where our former associate pastor now was running a parish! She was thrilled. I told her that we had gone to Pride Fest together (and explained what it was), and that we were going to meet the following night. Then I asked if she wanted to see a picture of the two of us together. "Oh, the one that was on Facebook?" she asked nonchalantly. (He had posted a picture and tagged me, and I panicked after a message that was a little more blunt than I expected, and so he took it down.) She had seen it that night, and never mentioned it! I mentioned his children and she listened for a bit, and then clearly bored, went to play video games on the computer. I can't say that all kids will react the way mine have to the news that a parent is gay, or is seeing someone. But if you're not sure about telling yours, I have to tell you that so far, just the fact that they know is a huge comfort to me because it's one less elephant in the room, and the fact that they have been supportive, or even bored by it, helps make for a very normal part to a life that's still changing and evolving.
That's awesome they're taking it so well! It encourages me as a parent to hear stories like this, thank you for sharing
Once the divorce is final and I have my own place, then the issue of coming out to the kids becomes the next big test for me. Besides, of course, introducing my boyfriend! Less than 4 months ago I never expected to be at this place in life so quickly. But I'm grateful for the changes so far and looking forward to the future.
As parents, we always tell out kids that we "just want you to be happy". The reverse is true too....my 16-year-old is an introspective kid, and she's said several times that it means a lot to a kid to see their parents happy and loved. It makes them feel secure. I think that when we're closeted and miserable, and our relationships are strained because of secrets, lies and half-truths, we're stressing our kids out far more than if we just tell them who we are. Seeing Dad happy with his boyfriend will be a lot more comforting and stable in the long run than seeing him unhappy and stressed out with Mom. There might be a period of adjustment, and how my kids will react when I'm spending less time at home and more with my boyfriend is anybody's guess. But it feels like the big bump in the quality of the time spent with them, because I'm more available emotionally, is going to more than make up for the decrease in the quantity.
Fantastic CB! Its so nice to hear of someone having a positive, supportive experience with their children. Kudos to the kids, too.
Choirboy, that's fantastic. i can only hope it goes as well when i tell my kid, he's a teenager as well.
Great news! I hope that has helped you get out of your funk for a bit! From what I can tell it seems like things are working out about as well as possible. Keep us updated!
That's great that they were supportive (bored) about your relationship. I haven't had a girlfriend yet, but it's my concern; how will they react. When I told them i was a lesbian, it went well. My older 2 were supportive (above 15), and my youngest is 8, and a little confused. I wanted to share what my 8 year old said to show the difference between kids today and when I was a kid. A couple weeks after I had told her I liked girls she said, completely unexpected: 'If you get married again, will you marry a girl?' I said yes, and she said, 'That means you're gay! I know what gay is, I learned about it at school. It's ok to be gay, a little weird, but ok.' Kids know and are accepting of a lot more than we give them credit for.
