ok so i got served with divorce papers today. no worries, till i looked into them, property? no problem, the things she wants are mostly packed to go to her anyway. then i see she wants support payments knowing that if i make those payments i have to take money away from looking after our kid, who lives with me. she's just doing it to punish me for telling her she couldn't come home after taking an overdose and giving our son a front row seat to all that, punish me for keeping her alive by getting her to the hospital. this is the 3rd time she's been to the hospital for self destruction. i keep her alive and i get punished!!! I protect my son and she punishes me for it!!!! sorry for the rant, I am pissed.:tantrum::***:
This is where you are going to have to play hardball back, and as for this history of hers, you have a strong case for outright custody! Most courts will look at the child's interest first. You will probably need a lawyer for this one...
Hi Sorry to hear things aren't as clean cut as you had hoped. I'm no expert in this matter at all. I would talk to a lawyer to find out what she is actually instilled to and what you would be entitled to from her as primary care giver for your son. It could be her lawyer brought this up and more the lawyers idea than hers. Divorce laws in Canada have good intention but can be very counter productive. I definitely understand your frustration but try to keep an eye on the big picture and what's really important. Much easier to say than do.
calling the lawyer first thing in the morning. the default in this province is shared custody, she isn't fighting him staying with me. my problem is her wanting to take money that i need to look after my kid. ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2014 at 11:57 PM ---------- yeah roles and responsibilities are going to have to be defined. thanks guys(*hug*)
called the lawyer and spoke with some friends who do child support enforcement (not spousal support) but they gave me a formula that is used so the amount of support isn't large but every dollar in my budget is accounted for and any money takes away from what i have for my son :tantrum::bang:
If you make more than her, then support is warranted, but the benefit to the child comes first, and if you don't have enough to cover your share of child expenses, this needs to be argued in court, it's not just a matter of a formula.
Thanks GW. i went to one of those online support calculators and it came up with half my take home pay. i feel like im going to throw up. she can work she's just too lazy to do so. she could have had a job all this time but "everyone was picking on her" paranoid to the max.
tell me about it. the only good thing that came out of that woman or my "relationship" with her is my son. i say "my" because if she takes that money from me, she takes it from him and what a mother would do that to her own kid.
so, your son lives with you, full time? does she get visitation? if you DO have your son full time, SHE should be the one paying support. did she work while you two were married? if so, she shouldn't be able to claim alimony. i was married once, had three children with him, worked some during the five years (there were extenuating circumstances to my working that i'm not comfortable sharing here) - i wasn't awarded alimony but, because i won sole legal/physical custody of my kids he has to pay me $999.00 a month. and he gets no visitation. because he's a bad man. also, if there's record of you having to take her to the hospital that many times because of self-destructive behavior, i doubt the court would award her any kind of lengthy custody (even an even split of time), because that simply isn't a safe environment for a child. best of luck to you.
I don't really know much about this topics but I wanted to say I'm sorry things are playing out that way... (*hug*)
thank you(*hug*) ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2014 at 08:30 PM ---------- yeah, he lives with me. he chose and said he knows he's better off with me. support, etc. is kind of up in the air in Canada, apparently it gives most judgement to the judge. I've been told that she can't take half my income because he lives with me. she isn't fighting him being here, she just wants money to punish me, not seeing that hurting me is hurting him. he said that he thinks she doesn't care about hurting him because she just wants to hurt me. I've got to do a complete budget over the weekend and get as many ducks in line as i can for when i see the lawyer this Tuesday. she says she can't work but i have a letter from her former doctor dated a year ago stating that she was able to attend post secondary training and later work. her physical health hasn't changed that i am aware of so i have that. everyone, here and where i work say fight. well, i have the rules of engagement my instinct tells me to go for blood.:***:
Totally agree with you regarding standing up for your rights and for your son. It is also important to weigh the consequences of a nasty fight, also the effect this may have on your son. At this point, I can only tell you, urge you, not to speak ill of her in front of him. He is her son too, speaking ill of her in front of him is in a very deeply felt sense speaking ill of him, directly. God knows the temptation to make nasty remarks is at its peak right now (I know of what I speak), don't feel bad if you did it already, but try to stop, it's really important. I'm amazed that you have that letter, it will serve you well. Try to be fair to everyone, even if she won't initially be fair to you. It's part of the (often infuriating) negotiation process. All you can do is be prepared as hell, and you can be mad as hell too, but serve your anger cold, keep your cool with her, otherwise you may do and say things you will regret.
Good, it's 100% better that way. I wish you the best of luck, you're a good father, you'll do what's best for him.
for him, I'd fight God and the Devil with a grin on my chin and I'd win! my training tells me to use the best weapons in a fight and the lawyer is my best weapon right now. and thanks for the complement, i try my best for him.
well i dropped my son off at his mothers for the night and delivered the second last load of her stuff, the last load is in the van to go tomorrow when i pick him up. i didn't even speak with her, just brought her stuff in and walked out. i was going to let him stay in for 2 nights but he wanted to only stay for one, so that's fine with me. it took a lot to not say something nasty. i have a hired gun to do that for me, Lawyer, so that's gonna be my response, "talk to my lawyer"
