Forgive me if this rambles...a little drunk right now Not sure what my aim is at in this post...feeling very mixed up right now. Feel like I'm living multiple lives. Like how I present myself changes upon my surroundings. I know what i want and truly desire, but am afraid to embrace that reality. My "ex" loves me for who i am even though he is fully aware I'm not attracted to him. We have a very deep bond for many reasons, i guess most of which is because we have been together so long and have been through many things. I fear i won't be able to have that type of connection with anyone else. It takes a long time for me to be able to trust someone. I actually tried breaking up with him not long ago, but its as if nothing changed between us. In order to transition into being friends we need to take time apart. How can i do that when he is the only person i can share everything with?! I feel like my attraction to women is growing the more i accept it. Its like in my face, can't ignore it anymore. I'm too afraid to act on it though. I prefer my comfort zone where i know what to expect. Just rubbing in circles basically...
You probably need to find new friends that you can build that level of trust with. Telling him about what you are going through is only going to make it worse for him. This will be even more true when you start to date and meet someone new that you care about... Take your time.. You likely have a rough road ahead. Just take baby steps and be brave...
"Take baby steps..." Good advice. I was in a similar situation. It's hard to leave a comfort zone-even when you know what you need to do. Have you considered going to see a therapist? Sometimes an outsider who has no reason to gain anything can give perspectives that help us combat and conquer.
Definitely baby steps. It has taken my two years to get where I am and I am not done. A friend of mine recently came out to his wife and family. He said if it wasnt for his counselor he would have never made it. If finances allow I would really recommend it. That is my next step. Keep your chin up. We are all here for support.
LostInside, Is there anywhere else that you or he could go, even just for a little while? My wife has been staying with her sister for the last few weeks. It's been tough, but helpful. We've seen each other several times since, a little more lately. It's gotten easier and it's helping us break those routines. Like you and your relationship, she's been the one person I share everything with. Been trying to share more with a couple friends and family. So far, they've come through. I know I've been fortunate in that regard, but I honestly didn't think I would be based on prior performance. I guess what I'm saying is people can surprise you and it might be worth taking a realistic risk? Maybe you have the support you need and don't know it? And I echo others here with therapy recs if you can. I've found it most helpful.
