does this mean anything

I think you may have to talk to her about it, let her know you think you may be gay. She probably thinks you're straight, especially if she knows you're married. My 'trigger crush' was surprised when I told her I was gay. But, I never had any intention of pursuing her, we are in different positions that make it inappropriate and she has a girlfriend, but she was someone I trusted, which is why i came out to her. I see her as someone I am grateful towards (even though she has no idea) because without her I may never have realized. I am ready for an actual relationship now, and trust me it was very, very difficult to get over her. I did the same as you, I analyzed every single action/word. Sometimes I even think she was interested but because of the context of our relationship and she thought I was straight and married, she resisted. I don't know for sure, but a lot of signs pointed that way. So, if you want to know, either talk to her about it, or find a way to tell her that you think you are gay. She will likely be very supportive, and who knows what will happen.

 

I wish I could be of help, stella, but I would't have a clue if someone was interested or just being friendly; it's all too new and bewildering right now.
If you're not keen on talking to her about it just yet, could you keep going out as friends, enjoying each other's company for a while, letting the friendship grow, and see how things unfold? Or maybe your need to be sure of her feelings for you is too overwhelming to wait.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope it turns out happy for you.
All the best.

 

Some women are just like that. I don't think there is any way to know just based on that.

If it were me I would just continue to spend time with her and see if things develop over time.

 

Sounds like a wonderful evening Since you're married she probably doesn't have much hope for being with you, but the holding arms and being so close sounds like she might feel what you're feeling. If that ever happened to me with one of my co-worker crushes I'd be in heaven. That would mean something for guys to do that in the US, but maybe it's common for women to walk arm in arm where you are. With my crushes I'm always the single one and they are always in a relationship so at least there's a better chance of her being into you. If she is the type of person who won't go blabbing your conversations maybe you could bring up something about feeling really close to her or thinking of getting out of your marriage due to long repressed feelings. I hope there is a happy ending for you on this.

 

Do you know for sure she's a lesbian? Because if she is, that's an excuse to talk to her about you questioning your orientation. You can say that you've been questioning, you need talk to somebody, something like that and since she's been through this is some way at some point, that maybe she will understand. You don't have to tell her how you feel about her, but it's a natural way to open that door.

 

I understand how you feel. My crush was a professor and I was her teacher assistant. I knew it was an inappropriate crush, and she will never know about it...It was really difficult because my crush began beginning of the school year, the reason I began to reflect my sexual orientation and realized I was gay. I was also her TA the second semester, so eight months of torture! When I thought of the semester ending, I would be like you, and be very upset at the idea of not seeing her again. We did get closer as the months went on, but I also knew what the boundaries were, and I respected them (but I didn't want to). She did eventually come out to me (but everyone suspected she was, she just didn't talk about that part of her) when she told me about her gf. Which actually made it easier for me knowing she had a gf. Anyways, because I did feel close to her, and I respect and admired her, she was the first person I came out to. And I have no doubt she was the right person to do it because her reaction was wonderful!! The kind of reaction we should all have when we tell that first person. Anyways semester is over, and I haven't seen or spoken to her since beginning of May. Difficult at first, but I've tried to stop thinking about her. I've been looking forward/dreading the new school year because I'm sure I'll see her since I'm a grad student. Even when I go to see my supervisor, it's my instinct to check to see if she's there. However, I've recently met someone else (not in person yet) who I'm interested in (my first non-trigger crush) and my prof occupies much less of my time these days. I know this probably won't help you, I just wanted to share my experience with you and to let you know I understand your pain, and the overwhelming emotion you are feeling for this woman. But if you think she may be leaving, protect yourself and mentally prepare. I didn't want to do that, I didn't want to accept that it may not happen (the hope is always there, I know), but I knew when the time came that it would be really difficult. I suggest is you try to win her friendship so she if she does leave your workplace, she won't leave your life, and that possibility will be there once you have your mind in the right place.
I was also married, and I never even considered that a problem. I'm glad I kept my feelings about her to myself and couldn't pursue anything, because I probably wouldn't have considered the fact I was married. I know your feelings are overwhelming, but if you really care about this woman, do it right. Take care of your immediate situation, keep her in your life as a friend, and once you are single and have your mind in the place it needs to be (trust me as you come to accept yourself and tell others you will go through an emotional roller coaster), go for it if you still feel the same. You don't want to begin a relationship with someone you care about when you are still married, which will only hurt your husband further. I do say this in a very supporting way. It's just I know what and how you are feeling and that you may not see all the angles at the moment because I've been there.

 

Yes, are situations are very similar. I remember when I first realized I had a crush on her. Class was on Friday, and I had to work the week-end, and all that kept going through my head was her smile, and it's gorgeous. I remember by the week-end I had asked myself multiple times why I kept thinking about her, over and over. I also remember thinking, 'because I liked it!' Then my process began, and I call her my trigger crush because it couldn't have been more obvious than if a plane crashed on top of me. I remember the long week-ends at home, I didn't want to be there. And because I was her TA, I would receive emails from her, which made me very excited. I would make excuses to go see her, sometimes really bad ones, but it was easy to find a reason because it's a school environment. I also remember the thoughts of not seeing her anymore, it was painful. I do hope that her and I can be friends some day. I've come to accept that it will never be anything more, and I'm ok with that now. I know I met her for a reason, and I will always be grateful that I did. She was kind of my rock for those 8 months, she just didn't know it. She influenced me in many ways, and I kind of 'found' myself because of her. Once the winter semester ended I wrote her an email telling her the positive impact she had on my life and that I will always be grateful (of course I left out the crush part of it). It was kind of my way of letting her go, but also telling her that she's special (yes, I was able to find a way to sneak that in) She will always have a special place with me, and I will be there for her if she ever needs anything.
I think for you coming out to her will be a great way to begin. And, from the looks of it, the first person other than here that you will tell. I hope her reaction is as wonderful as my crush's was because it was important to me how she reacted. The first time you say those words I'm gay or I'm a lesbian, however you do it, is empowering and liberating. It gives you strength and courage you never knew you had, and help prepares for what is to follow.
As for telling your husband, you'll know when the time is right, and I'll be here for you for that. I have a good experience in that department as well.

 

It sounds like you have made a decision that is resting well with you. For what it's worth it sounds like a good decision to me too.
I made a similar decision with the woman I fell for. Our friendship became more two years down the track. I believe if I had spoken to her too early we would not be together now because I did not know what it was that I wanted. We have such a very strong bond that grew from our friendship. If it is never more than a close friendship that is great too, real friends are hard to find.