This is the time when I regret my English is such a crap because I'd like to be able to convey perfectly what happened but at least I'll try. Unusual things happened to me on Saturday. 1) I was on a tram, going to a restaurant to have dinner, and saw a hot girl who I suspected was a lesbian. I was thinking the entire time if I should ask her what her plans for the evening was and invite her for dinner eventually but I didn't do it in the end mainly because I still didn't end things with my bf and it wouldn't be fair towards him even though it'd be just dinner. 2) I was in the restaurant. I try avoiding alcohol when outside but I had after an exam I studied for for weeks so I felt like I deserve it (think I did well on the test) and kinda needed it. I drunk one beer during dinner, after dinner ordered another one. Then an older woman came. She sat down at the table beside me. She wore a sweater that had Norwegian flag on the shoulder so I thought she's probably a Norwegian. I have no idea why but I was thinking that I finish my beer and ask the waiter to pay both for me and her so when she'd ask for her receipt (when I'm already gone) the waiter would tell her it's already covered. I did it once before elsewhere. I listened carefully what she was ordering and to my surprise realized she's not a foreigner at all. She ordered a small beer and something to eat. The waiter came soon after but made a mistake and gave her mine beer, it was me who ordered a regular one not her, but realized his mistake immediately. I told the woman I overheard she ordered a small one. We started to talk and really hit it off. I don't know if it was the beer influence but I felt very attracted to her and when she asked where I was staying and I told her and she said that there's a small lake with a nudist beach close by where she goes to from time to time it wasn't helping my imagination at all. We spoke about travelling, what places we've visited and she told me she spent once Christmas in the Canary Islands and asked if I wouldn't go with her this year. I told her I don't have enough money what she replied that she'd help me with that. Also based on other things she said she's obviously well situated. She told me her husband died and I think she feels kinda alone and really wants just a friend who she could talk to and stuff. We were on the first name basis pretty soon and even exchanged phone numbers but she told me when she's at work on Monday she may call me from a different number. I think I already have a missed call on my phone from her today. I don't know what to do now but I don't feel like speaking to her because I have no idea what happened (!?!) and overall the idea of speaking to someone I hardly know over the phone makes me uneasy. I'm rather introverted and meeting someone from time to time in person is okay but spending hours with them on a phone daily is just NAY for me. The main reason though is that I don't know if I could be friends with her after what happened and just the idea of talking to her makes me very nervous. To tell you the truth, and I'm not proud of it at all because I don't want to cheat on my bf, but if I wasn't on my period I'd probably just take the risk and ask her if she wanted to have sex with me. I wasn't that drunk but I had two beers and obviously didn't think straight. I even proposed I could give her a massage next time because I need someone to practice on. The last thing, when we paid, even though we ordered completely different things the amount on her receipt and on my receipt was exactly the same. It felt kinda magical and when she left I was just sitting there for a few more minutes and was like just WOW. What should I do? Should I send her a text instead and arrange a meeting with her so I could explain in person that I'm into women and felt smitten but that I probably shouldn't keep contacting her now, especially when I'm in such an emotional roller coaster because of coming out and stuff. I just don't want her to think I'm that kind of person who promise to call but won't. The other thing is my boyfriend. I don't want to be lying to him even more but what should I tell him, that I met a much older woman in a restaurant, we hit it off from the very beginning and I felt like f)(cking her? (sorry for that word but I didn't find a better one). I was really hoping to start clearing things up in my life but it's been just getting more and more difficult.:bang:
You should talk to this woman. I know you are stressed and confused about coming out and having a boyfriend then meeting a woman who you instantly feel attracted to. I can tell you're struggling! The gay you wants out! And you should let her out! Call this woman and arrange a meetup for the 2 of you.. If you back out of telling her you like women and you want her to have sex with you then just get to know her a little more. Your Saturday sounds really eventful! definitely one to remember! Good Luck x
Honestly Paris might now be the time for you to tell your boyfriend? I don't know. It just seems like you cant keep pushing "it" away. You're not happy where you're at and to further delay would be delaying the inevitable. The longer you stay with someone when you're unhappy the more they probably sense it. Things may not even work out in any way with this woman, but it seems like this is your cue to move forward. Thats my take on it.
Yeah, really eventful. Even when lying in bed I imagined painting her naked. And not that I could sleep much. Thank you for your reply, I believe you're both right. The thing is I can doubt myself when I'm at home and not meeting any women but then when I go somewhere, especially when I'm in Prague, I manage to somewhat let my guard down and then my attraction to women becomes apparent.
First break it off with the boyfriend, Keep it friendly with the girl, There really isn't really another way to do it. I don't think telling her to indulge in a new relationship, Before she has come out of a previous relationship is the wisest course of action, Sort the home out before going anywhere else basically.
I know I have to tell him and I'm gonna do it. I don't know how but I don't want to postpone it much further. I'm ready to give in. I'm sick of fighting the gay me, it just takes so much happiness away from me and what happened on Saturday was just another proof it's nothing but inevitable. I'm tired of pretending I enjoy sex with my bf. I'm tired of people who see me as a failure because I have no husband and idk how many kids. I'm really tired of being tired. Until Saturday I fully didn't understand how can people hook up. I kinda considered myself to be the person who needs to love the person first but with that woman I would even do her in a bathroom stall. :eek: She still takes my breath away when I just think about our meeting but I have no expectations for her, really. I think she just wants a friend, even though there might've been a few hints in what she said but it was probably what I wanted to hear in that moment, not what she actually said. There's nothing stereotypical in my look so she can't know I'm into women and stuff.
How old are you Paris? And you say this woman was older.. was she like in her 50's? Was she stereotypically gay looking in any way? Just curious because even though I hate stereotypes they can sometimes be accurate in determining a persons sexuality.
Yea, she was like in her 50's. I'm 37. I really don't know where to place her look. She has a shorter haircut, wore a sweater, 3/4 pants and flip flops. She told me she didn't plan on having dinner in a restaurant, that she lives close by and it was a sudden idea, so it's the reason she's dressed that casually.
